Doug Melvin Rips Out Dale Sveum's Heart, Eats It With Some Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti

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Milwaukee Brewers interim manager Dale Sveum was informed last week that his 'interim' title was super-accurate. As soon as G.M. Doug Melvin finds a new manager, Sveum is out on his ass, probably from the entire Milwaukee organization. Hey Dale, when Doug Melvin gets another shot at hiring superstar manager Ken Macha, he's taking NO chances.

The shitcanned skipper, who led the Brewers to a just-above-mediocre 7-5 record over the last two weeks of the regular season and backed in to the playoffs thanks to a completely expected Mets collapse only to be sent packing by the NL champion Philadelphia Phillies, is notably emo:

"My heart was ripped out of my chest," said Sveum. "I was shocked.

"I thanked him for the opportunity. Now, I'm in a tough situation. I'm out of a job. The most disappointing part of it all is that I'm no longer going to wear a Brewers uniform. That's the toughest part. I loved the Brewers and the organization."

"I just wish there wasn't so much emphasis put on veteran managers," said Sveum. "I'll match my knowledge of baseball and my ability to slow the game down with anybody."

Slow the game down? This is a positive thing? This is what Sveum lists under "Strengths" on his resume? Geez, thank you, Doug Melvin, for taking care of this plague. Why did Sveum need to slow down the game? So he had extra time to figure out what was going on?

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Ken Macha batted Jason Kendall 3rd. That is all.

Another deficiency that will now be a part of Sveum's resume: "Heartless".

Sveum is Norwegian for: "This call to the bullpen is brought to you by Verizon Wireless."

When he was third base coach for the Red Sox, I used to think Sveum was really good at slowing baserunners down. You know, because he got so many of them gunned down at the plate.

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