Fillin Time - Guaranteed Network Puff Pieces

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donuts.JPGAs we already discussed, there is no time whatsoever to name, identify or acknowledge any of the "players" in tonight's "game", but what we do have plenty of time for is the same filler crap we used last year! Time to strap on your TV producer hat, let's kill some time and show some b-roll!

  • Video of pitchers taking batting practice. Oh would you look at Scott Kazmir, he just can't WAIT to take his rips. I need some footage of the everyday players laughing at the feeble it! Cue Timmy Mac breaking down the Phillies advantage because of all their extra bunting practice. Gotta be able to throw your outs away effectively! Is there time? Let's show the video of Jamie Moyer running down the umpire right after we show Chein-Ming Wang breaking his heel on the basepaths. Oh, it's so perilous!

  • Hmmmm, bottom of four eh? Time for the tortured history of Philadelphia sports montage! Oh Donovan McNabb, will you ever get it right? Allen Iverson had so much heart! Can anyone get Joe Carter on the phone? How's the Mitch Williams suicide watch going? Quick, throw a shot of Andy Reid staring into the middle distance while a Cowboy/Packer/Buccaneer/Patriot dances in the background. Pelle Lindburgh? Who the fuck is he?

  • Is it time for the Joe Maddon homecoming tearjerker yet? He's a Pennsylvania boy ya know? Did someone shoot the "Welcome to Hazelton" sign? I interviewed the local townsfolk, they've all got some excellent stories of the regular kid that loved fine wine and literature. Somebody find me a shot of him in some Phillies gear!
All the while, we will be treated to the condescending tones of Joe Buck stifling yawns. I, for one, cannot wait. This hard-hitting journalism really helps me know the players, and gives me insight into "the game behind the game." Without it, this is just a boring contest between two teams I couldn't care less about. Thanks broadcast team, you've allowed me to love again.

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Were you aware Jamie Moyer throws off-speed pitches and change-ups a lot because he is old?

David Price - Too young to be scared?

Puff pieces? I just wrapped a couple hot dogs in puff pastry and cooked em up. Deeeelicious!

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