Late Night Gloggery: Dodgers v. Cubs - Game Two

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zedkey2sa.jpgGame Two in Chicago kicks off with the Cubbies desperate to stay in the series. Will the big man keep tears out of tightly controlled Wrigleyville beers?

You probably aren't working, but you still enjoy the warming glow of your LCD screen. Gather round as we belittle our way through a baseball game together. Yahoo teaches us the lineups, Chad Billingsley starts for the Dodgers, Carlos Zambrano for the Cubs.

It all goes down after the jump.
9:32: You're watching tonight on TBS, me not so much. TBS doesn't really exist in Canada anymore so I'm watching on Rogers Sportsnet. Yes, the Rogers that owns the Blue Jays and their stadium. Instead of in-game analysis, I get to watch preseason hockey highlights. Exciting news, I know!

9:40: Your broadcast team features Ron "The Aging Hawaiian" Darling, Tony Gwynn and another guy who's name escapes me. Rafael Furcal leads off against the Big Z, who records the assist himself.

9:45: Without TBS, we Canadians have to make do with Peachtree TV, an inbred bastardization of TBS currently showing a Bridget Jones movie leading into Cheers. Manny Ramirez's man-ram must be raw from the collective handjob after last night's home run. Manny jaws the umpire before striking out. Arguing balls and strikes sends us to the bottom of one.

9:50: Soriano, The Riot and Derek Lee are due up for the Cubs. Did you know Blackberry's were designed and invented in Canada? Betcha didn't. Soriano lines the first pitch into left, Manny manages to keep him to one base. Canadian invention Russ Martin can't come up with a pitch in the dirt so Soriano moves up to second. Billingsley has the misfortune of missing his spot but still throwing a strike. He doesn't get the call but strikes out Lee on the next pitch.

9:52: Tom Verducci checks in and mentions the Cubs struggles against the Dodgers right handed staff. One spring he hung out with the Blue Jays, so Verducci's alright with me. Fly ball to centre ends the inning, Billingsley struck out two in the first. My liveglog blazer is still stiff and new, cut me some slack and we'll head to the second inning.

10:00: Here comes the Dodgers hot young core of Either, Loney and Kemp. Allez Andre! The bloggy steakman singles to right field to get the Dodgers in motion. This NL smallball business is blowing my mind! Hit and run + weird little slapjob from Tony Clark Jr. + The Riot forgetting to use The Glove = first and third with nobody out.

10:05: A little front door action sends Matt Kemp back to the bench, victim of a Z-K. My National League mistress Blake DeWitt steps in and promptly drives one at Mark DeRosa. The utilityman boots it and throws wildly to Theriot. Everybody's safe 1-0 Dodgers. My blazer isn't the only thing stiff tonight, Derek Lee skillets one and the sacks is drunk. Can you believe they make the pitcher hit? Wacky. The Chad on the field not dozen in the crowd does well not to end the inning by feebly striking out. Another K for Z.

10:10: THE NATIONAL LEAGUE IS MELTING MY AL EASTERN BRAIN! Drag bunt to drive in a run with two outs. 2-0 Dodgers. Russell Martin drives a meaty offering to the wall in left center to clear the bases. It is now 5-0 Dodgers! Strike three to Manny finally ends the inning with the Dodgers up big. Big Z looks like he might kill somebody. On to the bottom of two!

10:15: I completely forgot about the debate tonight! NDP leader Jack Layton just NAILED Prime Minister Steven Harper about failing to deliver $50 million dollars for youth programs and failing to implement a full handgun ban. Go on Jack, Do work! Mark DeRosa instantly grounds out to The Blake Conspiracy, bringing Jim Edmonds up with one out. The Silver Fox sneezes one in a somewhat forward direction. The Beard swallows it up and throws the slow-moving Edmonds out. Geovany Soto is a rookie catcher you say? First I've heard. Soto goes down on strikes and two innings are done. Still 5-0 Dodgers.

10:25: Oh no, Canadian attack ads! Hide those of a delicate constitution! TBS doesn't waste any valuable commercial time. The first pitch is usually seen only from the blimp. Andre Either pops up and there is one out. James Loney lines one into center and the wind takes hold. Jim Edmonds typically half-assed route to the ball almost results in my Cubs' defensive LOLS. Kemp is the Big Z's fifth strikeout victim. Inning over.

10:30: Fukudome, Zambrano and Soriano are due up for the Cubs. I keep typing Z and can't help but think of World War Z; the greatest American novel since the advent of the American novel. Fukudome is Japanese for "flailing strikeout" if my local sushi impresario is to be believed.

10:33: The only thing worse than letting the pitcher hit is walking the bloody pitcher. Soriano strides to the plate with very little on his mind. Jackets? Carlos Zambrano has no need for your fancy warmup jackets. I support him, because a pitcher in jacket is an abomination. Rick Honeycutt runs out for a chat as Billingsley is all in his own head. Rick's sage advice ("Get him out, he's good") works like a charm. Theriot puts the pressure on the defense, forcing them to make a decision. The fielder chooses the force and the inning is over. After three it remains 5-0 Dodgers.

10:40: Vampire Weekend brings us back from the commercial break so my blood is boiling. Worst band in my recent memory. Dick Stockton notes that Carlos Zambrano has calmed right down after giving up 4 unearned runs. DeWitt flies out to deep center and Blake rolls out to third. Two down quickly for the Billingsley. Billinsgley "battles" his way to a bouncer that eats up Aramis Ramirez. The Big Z will surely eat his children upon returning to the dugout.

10:45: Furcal singles and this benign inning is suddenly full of menace. Two on for Martin, who lives Rob Iarcane's dream by residing in Montreal during the offseason. Zambrano climbs the ladder on Martin for his sixth Z of the game. Inning over, no damage done. Except to Aramis's children, who have sadly been consumed.

10:50: The stonegloved three are due up this inning, which would be as good a time as any for the Cubs to stage a rally. Derek Lee lines one at Manny after TBS got all meta with their camera work. Through the looking glass and through the viewfinder or some shit.

10:53: Derek Lee's exceedingly long arms prevented a double play there, which I'm sure felt great. Aramis Ramirez stands on first now with one out. An even more tailor-made double play this time retires both bears. Inning over, all star first baseman's hand sore.

10:55: Manny Ramirez is due to lead off the fifth for the Dodgers. I'm sure most people saw it today, but L'Homme Du Sport had a massive feature on Manny today on the four letter. I know he risks veering into Reilly territory with his somewhat dated or misplaced references (unless the Fugazi joke was an ironic nod to them not allowing moshing at their shows) but it this was a good piece. It wasn't the same this summer without Simmons pontificating on the Sox. Manny promptly pounds a pitch into the cool Chicago night. He's redonkulous. 6-0 Dodgers.

11:00 The Big Z might be about done. He walks Either and falls behind Loney. Bad news for the guys wearing blue even though they're at home and it's a night game. A pop-up draws gearsy cheers from the Cubs faithful. Double play inning over game slipping away.

11:06: Jim Edmonds leads off the while Bill Murray hangs out, regretting he wasn't the one that saved Latin. Edmonds hits a long fly ball that hangs out long enough for Manny to lean on the ivy and makes the catch. Youthful young rookie Geo Soto grounds out like a player with 10 years experience. Two down. Kosuke Fukduome informs me that Kosuke is Japanese for "watches nastiness on the black for the third out." Credit to Billingsley, he's dealin'. After five, 6-0 Dodgers.

11:12: Mark DeRosa doesn't make up for his earlier error, but makes a nice play to snap a hot shot. Blake DeWitt is out, Casey Blake is up. It's like a palindrome, or something. Alfonso Soriano wants no part of the wall in foul territory or the potential Bartmen it houses. The foulball falls harmlessly and Casey Blake has a new life. Ooohh. Zambarano hits Blake right beside the place where he produces new life. One on one out.

11:16: Carlos Zambrano has brass balls! Z opts to go for the lead runner on Billingsley's bunt and a questionable call goes the Cubs way. That would be huge if had the Cubs threatened to get a single runner into scoring position up to this point. Furcal hits a lazy fly and the inning is over.

11:22: How sweet, they let Zambrano hit for himself. I suppose they don't want to "waste" a pinch hitter. Reed Johnson's always been a waste. TBS shows me with the Hit Chart that Soriano hits water noodles to all fields. That takes patience. The Wrigley faithful is booing Soriano after he strikes out on a sweet slider. That doesn't take patience, but does take a certain entitled frustration. Theriot makes The Final Out to end the inning. Manny being lifted for a defensive replacement is just around the corner!

11:30: Zambrano's pitch count is getting up there but he seems to be getting stronger. Tommy Lasorda is a kindly old man that looks very much like Youppi. It's all in the nose.

11:34: Manny walks and Z's night is done. Unearned runs hurt ya'll! 11:36: Ever want to kill a pitching coach? Come out of the pen and walk the first guy you see. That shit takes years off of lives. Larry Rothschild storms out to tell Neal Cotts what's what. He should let him know what's a ball and what isn't, that seems to be troubling him right now. Mark DeRosa embodies the "jack of all trades, master of none" cliche perfectly. His half-assed turn of what should (could) have ending the inning extends it to Matt Kemp. TBS's crowd shots show the nation the old white men for which Chicago is renowned.

11:41: It may have been a lot to ask of the Cubs, but failure to turn that double play tacks on another run on Matt Kemp's double down the right field line. 7-0 Dodgers, DeWitt pops out and we're stretching. Chicago's own Alkaline Trio will take it away:



11:48: Billingsley is still making the Cubs look foolish. His slide piece looks nicer than Clooney's Batman codpiece. Naturally, Billingsley leaves one up to DeRosa for a double to right. Will he be the first Cub to reach third base?

11:50: Poor Matt Kemp, losing the ball in the forest like that. Another double and the Cubs are on the board! 7-1 Dodgers. The Cubs show respect for Manny's accurate arm ignorance of the Dodgers' defensive alignment and hold Jimmy Edmonds at third on Soto's base hit. That's it for Billingsley, oohhhh double switch!

11:55: Angel Berroa is in to play second to complete the double switch. I'm giddy like your parents after they try Ethiopian food for the first time. It's so exotic! I've long admired their culture you know...Cory Wade ends the inning and we're on to the 8th. I bet you can barely stand the excitement.

12:00: My first glimpse of Ernie comes at the stroke of midnight. Oh Ernie, it just isn't the same without Kenny Smith. More shots of Cubs fans, whom I would describe as resigned to their fate. Carlos Marmol is out of the bathtub and into the game. Two hits and a sac bunt later and it's 8-1. Come back Ernie, I can't do it without you!

12:05: Another crowd shot reveals a Cubs fan CLEARLY overemoting hoping he'll get a closeup. No human alive checks the on-air camera then grimaces and shakes their head. Jim Edmonds diving attempt ain't enough, so more Manny-licking ensues. It's 9-1 and you're reading this tomorrow morning.

12:10: I'll give Dick and the lads credit for keeping the blowout banter centered no these two teams. They aren't really discussing the shellacking on the screen, which is progressing speedily now. Three Cubs up, three Cubs down and we're headed to the ninth.

12:16: Dammit. I can't make it the whole game without Frank Caliendo. An in-game promo nearly ruins my night. Kerry Wood enters the game as the clock strikes gar-bahge. At least we got a shot of Ron Santo's round visage and greasy gold chains in the radio booth. That kid was wearing a Wrigley Field hoody? They make clothing for buildings now? Where do I order my Rogers Centre hypercolour tshirt?

12:21: Loyal commenter kwsn gets his wish and Theriot makes an error, giving one to each infielder. One for the ages in Chicago.

12:24: This game is now officially out of hand. Two straight hits follow the error make it 10-1 Dodgers and there are still two on. Furcal demonstrates the nature the impasse in pan-pacific relations as his easy fly ball almost causes Fukudome and Edmonds to collide. I guess "get out of my way so I can sprawl for a webgem" doesn't translate as well as "I got it". Bottom of the ninth on the way!

12:30: Holy Shit! The trees ate the ball! Little Juan Pierre is in for "defense" which makes me laugh on its own. Saito is pitching for Dodgers but it hasn't started well. He wants us all to suffer longer.

12:33: Apparently 15 umpires aren't enough to get that borderline call right. Yes, you can see white paint fly in slow-mo HD. The mere mortal selected to umpire this game doesn't have the same luxury. DEFENSIVE INDIFFERENCE! The excitement never ends.

12:36: That will do it for Saito. DeRosa's slicing double drives in 2 runs, meaning this is almost a ballgame. I am now officially hoping for a massive comeback. I'll be able to say "heck yeah I was there, I glogged that shit" when my grand kids ask me about the 2008 NLDS. Jonathon Broxton is husky but brings the gas. A walk brings out the rally caps and effete adolescent boys wearing Under Armour. Click clack indeed.

12:45: Sorry Cubs fans. That was a rocket, but right at Berroa. It just isn't happening. WWFD?

12:47: It all comes down to one of those National League, designated pinch hitter lifers. Daryle Ward stands poised to be the 27th out. Failing that, notorious closer Greg Maddux warms in the pen. I'm officially confused.

12:50: A late strike call ends the game. The Cubs are officially up against it. 10-3 is your final and 2-0 stands the series. Thanks for hanging out and commenting everyone. No day game tomorrow so work will be never-ending. Thanks folks!


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68 Comments

How can you glog without a lamely photoshopped image of text on a faux wood background? HOWWWW

I'm just glad we didn't have to take Lloyd's glogcherry by force.

Does RogersSportsNet play a lot of situational comedy that panders to the lowest common denominator of the Canadian Middle Class?

I wish I could go back to Canada.

This glog is shaping up to be an e-mail thread between our editors.

Up until I go to sleep at 10:30.

Not that I am complaining, mind you. I'm still giddy that the Phillies are up 2-0.

Sorry, Ron. We've already had one Hawai'ian do good tonight.

/shoves Darling out booth

Don't forget to say your prayers. And no reading Greek poets under the sheets, mister.

Rogers steals my kidnaps my cell network whenever I get north of Seattle. I think it's a treaty violation, but who has time for all the legal rigarmorole?

Or until I get off the bus. INTERNET BUS.

I'm wearing a Peachtree TV shirt too. The only people that get p'tree TV are atlantan's and Canadians? That makes sense.

Me not greatly at english.

He gone.

I have heard there are many French people north of the border, not that i mind the French, i just prefer them to be an English channels length away.

Are you still on that fucking bus?

me either, Gorge

Dumb American question: what time is it in England?

Mrs. Honeynut is watching Because I Said So in the other room. The soundwaves from her movie and the baseball game are creating an audio purgatory between the two rooms.

Rob: I think they are six hours ahead of Eastern time.

everytime the announcers say theriot's name, I think of deney terrio.
(yeah, go look him up)

In that case, our English friend Michael is up wayyyyyyyyyy past my bedtime.

@phillas
From wikipedia:
During his heyday with Dance Fever he appeared in a number of films including The Idolmaker, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

The two films go hand in hand.

England's five hours ahead for now, but they are without daylight savings so that stands to change in a few weeks.

The Wrath of Khan? what character did he play? And did he get to show his chest like Ricardo Montalban?

Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan (1982) (uncredited) .... Khan`s Crewman #11

So my guess would be yes, bare chested.

My liveglog blazer is still stiff and new

Whatever you do, don't break it in by dousing it with lighter fluid. I learned that the hard way.

Tis late but Big Z is getting ANGRY, just waiting for him to explode or throw the ump somewhere.

Big Z is going to eat their butts

Is Ethier attempting to grow out his hair like Manny?

this is funny.

I guess every Cub is going for an E tonight.

Gwen Ifill's haircut says "1984 social studies teacher," but her dress says "Grandmom's couch circa 1948." It's the most exciting part of the debate.

Sorry DeWitt, Blake Lively wins.

Mother fucking squeeze play. wtf

Jeff Blake is just happy to have been considered.

great squeeze play, but with 2 outs?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Joe Biden just said "come to Home Depot with me, where I spend alot of time."

1. Did Home Depot pay for Debate product placement? Savvy.
2. So Biden is a handyman? He's a Senator! Shouldn't he be Senating?

Damn you Honeynut, reminding everyone of their civic responsibility!

I love the progressive candidates but Layton is too much of a spineless Quebecois. Grow a pair, eh?

(I spoke to many opinionated Montrealians last weekend)

hobos are always eating beans

I love Jack, he's great. Rides his bike to Parliment every day!

Big Z sure likes to pull at his Little Z while the ball's being returned.

alright, we need an error on the shortstop, then we have all four infielders with errors.

And what was that return throw by Soto.

Will Derek Lee be creampuff'd?

That likely felt quite poor.

bye bye baseball

I think Soto's just messin' with da Z. You know, funnin'.

Z is too busy stomping around to catch soto's throwtos

Z got the call 'cause the ump was scared to do otherwise.

Tommy Lasorda is a kindly old man that looks very much like Youppi. It's all in the nose.
Line of the night.

Tommy should give the Habs a call, they need a part time Youppi to attend poutine shack openings and angrily smoke in church.

Come on... put in Howry...

Remember yesterday when we rhetorically asked who likes Bon Jovi? Chicago obviously does.

Classic Edmonds.

He's got heart man. He gets his uniform dirty!

HAHAHAHAHAH AND THERE'S THE ERROR TO THE SHORTSTOP

kwsn, I wondered if you were going to get an early Christmas present.

The Brewers may have lost, but at least I can take joy in watching the Cubs get shelled.

At least the Brewers have lost with honour

Cubs choke again.

Wow. Merry Christmas kwsn.
Thanks LTB for the glogg.

Thanks to you lads for staying up late. I've broken my gloggcherry, I will only improve.

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