Late Night Semiglog: Red Sox at Angels, Game One

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Hey kids, I wanted to give you the full on glog experience, but I'm tired as shit and you're home watching the game anyway. So let's watch together and all make pithy comments. Deal? Deal. Your lineups, from The Globe.

RED SOX
1. Jacoby Ellsbury, CF
2. Dustin Pedroia, 2B
3. David Ortiz, DH
4. Kevin Youkilis, 1B
5. J.D. Drew, RF
6. Jason Bay, LF
7. Mike Lowell, 3B
8. Jed Lowrie, SS
9. Jason Varitek, C
SP -- Jon Lester

ANGELS
1. Chone Figgins, 3B
2. Garret Anderson, LF
3. Mark Texeira, 1B
4. Vladimir Guerrero, DH
5. Torii Hunter, CF
6. Howie Kendrick, 2B
7. Mike Napoli, C
8. Gary Matthews Jr., RF
9. Erick Aybar, SS
SP: John Lackey (12-5, 3.75 ERA)

After the jump, let's make like your parents and get it on. We're glogging till tomorrow!

10:04: Your announcers are one of the Carays, I think it's Nipsey, and Buck Martinez former manager and current raconteur.

10:08: Ellsbury strikes a solid double off the right center wall. One of the hardest balls I've seen him hit all year. That brings up Dustin Pedroia. If you didn't see the link I posted from Andre Ethier's blog in TQ, do yourself a favor and read it. Especially if you hate Pedroia.

10:12: Youkilis ends the inning. You know what will never die though? This:

robredsox.jpg

10:16: If told you I was seminude and had a semi would that deepen your appreciation of this semiglog? I'm not, but thought I'd ask. Speaking of which, if I'm reading this headline correctly, Mr and Mrs. Scoscia bought a copy of the Karma Sutra.

10:20: Ah, so this is what it's like when they Yankees don't make the playoffs. Announcers relentlessly harp on Vlad Guerrero's postseason struggles instead of A-Rod's. BRAVE NEW WORLD.

10:24: My game beverage tonight? 2% milk. I showed up to the Robert Pollard show last night after already having a couple, then he kept passing his bottle of Cuervo to us in the pit. It was a long night. Lester works out of a bases loaded jam. He's like Dice-K with out that weird made up language that Dice-K speaks in.

10:29: Buck just called the Angels catcher, Mark Napoli. It's pretty amazing he has time to catch what with, helping people buy, or sell, any property; residence, new or resale, farm, land, investment, townhouse, condominium, patio home or commerical building in the state of Colorado. Between the Drew and Lowell at bats this is like watching ER with all the docspeak. They both hit the ball pretty hard though.

10:35: "He fists it back to the screen." Late Night Glogs are so hot.

10:36: Craig Sager's suit looks like it's made of Bubble Yum. LOOK MOM I'M AN NBA BLOGGER NOW.

10:39: Lester cruises 1-2-3 in the 2nd. His emergence this year was perfectly timed. With Beckett having a tough year, on and off the DL, I had lots of pitcher love to give out. Lester and I had a wonderful summer fling.

10:43: @Mark Napoli: What in tarnation is a patio home?

10:48: Buck is really into stolen bases. He's kind of been talking about them all night. That's fine with me, and the Angels and Sox both have some burners. What I think is interesting is that he just said stolen bases are regaining prominence in baseball after "the steroid era." Announcers can say that now? I figured Bud had a sniper trained on the booth if anyone had the temerity to mention steroids on air.

10:51: Ryan Howard says the new Subway cheesesteak is going in the "Mmm Hall Of Fame." I hear Chicken A La King is being voted in by the Veterans Committee this year.

10:57: Garret Anderson is two for two on the evening. The same Garret Anderson that signed with the Angels in 1990. Interesting comparison since they're both in the playoffs right now: who would you rather have in your lineup, Anderson or Griffey?

11:01: I'll say it now. While things are still amicable. I like Angels fans. I was out there for some games in July. Nice people. GODDAMN IT LOWRIE HOW DID YOU BOOT THAT BALL? IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HIT OR ANYTHING.

11:04: Of course the Angels scored. It's cosmic law after an error like that. I was going to predict it but it happened too fast. I just voted Lowrie into the Lousy Hall Of Fame along with the Subway Cheesesteak. 1-0 Angels.

11:10: Thumbnail image for robredsox.jpg

11:12: According to Buck, Jason Bay, Pedroia, Lowell and Ellsbury are all "professional baseball players." Yes, them and everyone else on the field. That's where you are Buck. You're at a professional baseball game. /Snaps fingers. You with us, Buck?

11:20: Ever notice how in the Boner Pill commercials they always have gratuitous shots of the wedding rings on people? All these people having old sex are married. They really want you to get that. This leads me to only one conclusion. All of those people are having affairs.

11:26: Lackey is in the rocking chair now. Varitek drives Gary Matthews to the track but Lackey is changing speed and locations with the ease that he does when he's on. He looking like could be tough all night. Bunt single, Ellsbury. COMMENCE ENDLESS TALKING ABOUT HIM STEALING SECOND, BUCK.

11:34: The Angels are a fat team with a fat coach.

11:35 Buck Martinez talks too damn much. Single by Tex guarantees that Dweezil Caray gets to metion Guerrero's postseason struggles. Guererro singles. No more typing. Much watch young Lester get his anti-jam on.

11:37: Jam anti'd.

11:39: Commercial for a show on the "Nat Geo" channel called the Dog Whisperer. Yeah, that's what they called Son Of Sam too.

11:42: Thumbnail image for robredsox.jpg

11:47: Jason Bay hits a gonzo tater tot to deeeeep left to tie it take the lead. It's times like this I wish Julia Tucker hadn't taken down the Jason Bay Song from Youtube. God, I hate her so much for doing that to me. 2-1

11:50: Derek Jeter sez: "Slo mo, fast mo, every kind of mo there is." Even Neil Patrick Harris?

11:58: Jon Lester is mixing pitches like a chemist, kids. I'd wonder what my dad thought of all this but I know right now he's snoring on the couch with his mouth wide open and his head hanging over the armrest. I hope he reads this tomorrow so I can be sure.

12:04: Gary Matthews fielded that one like a blind retarded squirrel and is charged with an E. All this despite Buck calling him "one of the best fielders in the outfield." I would say he's definitely one of the three best in the Anaheim outfield at this moment. That will change in the bottom of the inning though.

12:08: Boner Pill Commercial Observation #2: The women are always such whores.

12:09: Darren Oliver is in to pitch. If Issac Hayes was "Black Moses" then Darren Oliver is "Black Tony Fossas."

12:13: Black Tony Fossas gets Ortiz swinging. It's the 7th inning stretch. In honor of the Angels being an "LA" team (in name) I present to you, The Germs. At The Whiskey, no less.



12:19: Lester has retired 5 straight batters and has also retired my heart. Some dame was just holding up a sign that said "Calling All Angels." Tim Salmon sits by a phone quietly sobbing, wishing you meant what you said.

12:24: Lester's pitch count is up to like 116. It's Red Sox baseball to take him out and let Masterson and Papelbon close it out, and that's probably the correct thinking man's play. But I know I wouldn't have the eggs to take Lester out right now. He's like Jean Vincent Van Damme Gogh out there. Let him pitch.

12:29: WHY is Darren Oliver still in the game?

12:29: Youk flies out. No Rob picture. No matter anyways, I'M CLOONEY.

12:32: Buck just called Shields' slider "wicked hard." Stop pandering to us New Englanders, Buck. Jason Bay doubles. PUT THE SONG BACK UP JULIA. We should start a petition.

12:36: Blogging this late into the evening reminds me of the All-Star Massacre of July '08. Jesus that was harrowing. Were you around with me that night? My PTSD therapist said it's good for me to stay in touch with the people that were in the trenches with me.

12:37: Years ago whilst listening to say, Moon Pix, and hearing all the crazy stories about Cat Power freaking out on stage, did you ever think that one day you'd be hearing her in a Lincoln commercial? The new musical reality is hard, y'all!

12:41: Wow. Ellsbury making a very choice Ellsbury catch. He is the must watch CF. Vlad gets on. I'm not sure how I'm feeling about Masterson right now. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. 116 pitches. I know, I know.

12:44: Boner Observation #3: What a HORRENDOUS piece of baserunning by Vlad. That has the potential to change the entire Angels season. I'm not overstating things. That is atrocious.

12:50: Masterson may be up to 116 pitched by the end of this inning.

12:54: Lowrie shoots one to left, thumbing his nose at all the trouble I've given him tonight. If the Sox hold onto this lead, you have to feel like they "stole" this one.

12:56: Did you guys know that Jacoby Ellsbury steals bases?

12:59: Ellsbury drives in Lowrie. FARM SYSTEM IN ACTION. 3-1 Sox. Jermaine Caray says that the Red Sox manufacture runs. I hope the don't get outsourced. I HAVE AN ELECTION YEAR JONES.

1:02: It's 1:02 in the AM and you're watching Perspectives.

1:05: David Ortiz knocks in Ellsbury. 4-1 Red Sox. MAUNFACTUREHOBAFHEING. I'm sleepy. I wish Papelbon could close out the glog for me.

1:08: Arredondo? Abbondanza!

1:09: Figgins makes a nice play to end the 8th. C'mon Papelbon. Sing me to sleep.

1:15: I hope my dreams have dames in them.

1:15: Papelbon strikes out that guy. 1 down.

1:18: Aybar goes down swinging. 2 down. Why didn't the Angels schedule a game for tomorrow? If it was MLB's decision, I'd understand the idiocy, but Beaver Caray just said it was Anaheim's decision. What gives Angelenos?

1:21: Papelbon strikes out the side, gets Figgins swinging. 10 in a row against the Angels in the postseason but... The Sox stole this one. Plain and simple. Thank you dear readers and thank you dear commenters for hanging out with me and Jon Lester.

We'll see you in the morning, yeah?


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84 Comments

Tomorrow is just a day away!

Its the Caray that's still alive

It's Tschip Caray. He's half Polish and eighty percent dingbat.

This semiglog is not at all "low odor". I just smelled the distinct smell of twoteamsIreallyhate.

i would take dane cook over bon jovi. but hey that's just me.

go sox!

How dare you reuse that for such nefarious purposes.

Yeah, you can only use that for fake weather forecasts

no rob, it's cool. just go with it

Scoscia is quite the spelunker, I hear.

Honeynut, I'm trying to eat dinner here....

Well, Scoscia is ready for dessert... HIYOOOOOOOOO

So, uh, I promised myself I wouldn't drink during game one. However, if each count goes 2-0, I am going to be drunk by the third.

FUUUUUUUUUCK.

Schmick Caray lauded Kendrick for his BA with RISP, then they flashed a graphic that says he hits .183 with the bases juiced. Which is more relevant, Schmick? Ground out? thought so.

How is Robert Pollard not just a walking bloated liver at this point?

How is Kris "CTC" Liakos not just a walking bloated liver at this point?

I'm too used to NL games, seeing a DH is weird to me.

Yikes. Sager's blazer is just wrong. Especially against a red background.
what?!

So Moby pitches eTrade now?

@honeynut

once you get a taste of good money... you can't go back.

Lester and I had a wonderful summer fling.

Tell me more, tell me more.

"Elsbury was getting pounded hard inside"..."with his leg in the air"
I think I need to cool off a bit.

Big Papi got a huge break.

Is the Karma Sutra anything like the Kama Sutra? Perhaps with less sexy positions and more My Name Is Earl witticisms?

The big knock against the Subway cheesesteak getting into the HOF is that it really bulked up with bread but really didn't deliver with the meat.

Dude, can Buck Martinez be any more wrong with his pitch selection for Jon Lester?

Why would you throw another inside fastball when Texy just hammered one straight back? Isn't the name of the game foiling the batter?

TOO MANY BONER JUICE ADS

Man, Lester is throwing good pitches. A lot of these are bloopers. This 1-0 score makes my face sad.

BTW, I would opt for Griffey over Garrett. Less arthritis.

"professional baseball players"

As opposed to the baseball-playing "Travelers" in Chicago tonight. One day they're sealing driveways, the next day they're turning two at Wrigley.

@BOL
That's the problem with TBS doing all three of these games, they had to scrape together four different crews to do this first round when they usually only broadcast 1 game a week. The little talent they have gets spread pretty thin.

Who is the tBS Whiney guy?

Alternate theory: product placement by the jewelery industry in the boner pill ads.
"Going to have sex? Buy some jewelery."

The "ever-dangerous" JD Drew?

Isn't that like saying "the always amiable John McCain?"

Mickey Mantle-like power? Did I miss the seasons where JD Drew became one of the greatest baseball hitters of all-time?

Jason Bay...TRUE RED SOCK

You mean - YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jason Bay

Jason Bay's postseason slump is officially over, you guys.

Man, Derek Jeter's next game begins when the last one ends, eh? This must be the longest day of his career.

ZI

Rob, the score is 2-1

Philas, that's CTC gloggin'.

@ bol

Paying for that zing on the installment plan?

BoL: I was seeing of CTC was reading the comments....

@UTFLW

I don't like finishing words that everyone knows the ending to.

Like saying, hey CTC the Sox actually scored twi

Lester's dealin, y'all.

Lester's is pitching some nasty stuff. Wow.

Apologies, Philas. I had not the foggiest idea as to your prowess.

ANYONE NO HOW TO GET COLA STAINS OUT OF A AFGHAN

BoL: sometimes I haven't the foggiest idea either. Sometimes I'm so witty I can't stand it!

poor Tek. He hasn't hit a ball hard in months.

Count me as a Buck Martinez fan. He and Dan Shulman were the best booth in the biz

good of Gary Mathews to look back at the lights as the ball bounded into the wall. Thanks Gary, everyone now knows you lost it in the lights.

@ Lloyd:
I like Shulman. A ton. Especially calling the NBA.

I'm tired. 3 run HR plz? kthx

Shulman could do play by play while you did your laundry and I'd be hooked right in. He still lives in Toronto and jetsets for ESPN

Jeez Matthews. Now look! You made Lackey so upset he had to leave the field!

Any more gimmicks the Angels could trot out in a lame attempt to manufacture atmosphere? TazerTime? PepperSprayPower?

SprayOnTanSound?

Is Lester the new left-handed Beckett? Discuss.

ShakeYourExpensiveBoobsforaCheapTShirt?

@LTB: women only, I'm assuming.

BotoxBeachBalls?

THESE TIDE SOAP PENS ARE A HEAVENSENT

Chone Figgans: worst third baseman in baseball now or baseball history?

I JUST ROBBED A BANK ARMED WITH ONLY MY IMPISH GRIN! I'M CLOONEY!

Are we still arguing about the Clooney thing?

Nice job, Todd. Laundry can be tricky sometimes.

I remember that All Star Glog like it was just yesterday. I lobbed many a barb that night...

@Lloyd:

All I know is, Melvin Mora is my favorite third baseman in the league for various reasons. Chone is near the bottom of the list for various reasons. I know that doesn't answer the question, but I continued the dialogue nonetheless.

HOW AM I SOBER RIGHT N

Wow. Ellsbury just saved a base hit and forced my balls back down from my chest cavity.

Vlad and Lowell would both lose in a race against Charles Barkley right now.

@BoL - you are fighting the good fight. Melvin Mora can rake, usually against the Jays. And he fought Jay Payton in the dugout once. You take the good with the bad

Even Jebus is shaking his head at that baserunning.

vlad is SO FAT. HE'S FUCKING FAT.

Is that was Vlad calls running? Really?

what I was supposed to type was what not was.

That overhead shot flatters Vlady. He looked like Don Zimmer from field level

I really want Caray to have just said Ellsbury reached on a freebase error by Gary Matthews

I did not know that, KCTCL.

I thought that hit him the beerstein

Wow, Scot Shields cannot get David Ortiz out. Pretty much ever.

@BoL: yeah, that is some definite ownage.

this glog is the best glog there was. thx dolby digital surrownd thanks for gloggin us CTCizzle

OMG! He said blogs! That's us!

There's the game. Angels lose.

Fat lady's singing. Thanks CTC. Thanks guys. G'nite.

That was awesome. And I stayed sober as hell.

NICE.

I leave tomorrow for bachelor party. There will be no commenting. There will be lots of golf and beer and strippers. If any of these interest you I may be able to provide pictures.*

*Obviously of strippers. Any asshole can see pictures of golf and beer.

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