Morning Answers to Questions Nobody Asked

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Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

  • Are the Red Sox done? Finished? Kaput? In a word, yes. This isn't 2004, this isn't 2007. They were completely outmatched in every aspect of the game last night. They were out-hit, out-pitched, out-fielded and out-intangibled on two straight days in their own ballpark. The team's health is in shambles, with Mike Lowell headed to hip surgery, David Ortiz treating his wrist like fine china, and the pitching staff absolutely emotionally decimated by Tampa tater tots.

  • What's gotten into Willy Aybar? Kid got hot at the right time, going 6-for-9 in the last two Rays routs with five RBI last night and a tater tot. This is a guy who part-timed at third base, first base, DH, and outfield during the regular season, collecting a paltry 33 RBI in 95 games. Joe Maddon made the right call, playing the switch-hitting Aybar at DH instead of Cliff Floyd, who struggled against Wakefield in his career.

  • Is Cole Hamels going to win the NLCS MVP tonight? If he gets the win, yes. Doesn't matter how well he pitches, as long as (a) he gets the win and (b) Matt Stairs doesn't hit a walkoff ding-dong, Hamels is the Phillies most valuable fella. Chad Billingsley and his 27.00 NLCS ERA is going to do his darndest to prevent that from happening, but this is the biggest start of Hamels' career and he's got the upper hand.

  • How bad will the ratings be for a possible Phillies-Rays World Series? Who the fuck cares? What monetary stake do I have in the ratings? I could care less what the ratings get or how much money the FOX network stands to make or lose because the teams they wanted didn't make the big dance. For a baseball fan, a Phillies-Rays series is awesome because both teams are good at playing baseball. Screw the ratings; every non-baseball fan can go watch crappy shows like How I Met Your Mother or Chuck and go shit in their hats. I don't care if it's the Saskatchewan Mooseriders and the Peoria Yogurteaters playing in the World Series: if the baseball is good, I'm there.

  • Who's getting Jake Peavy? I don't have time for trade rumors among non-contenders. Unless the Yankees are interested. In that case, I'll flush the playoffs down the toilet. We're getting Peavy!

Game 5 of the NLCS is tonight. Be here for the glog, y'all.


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10 Comments

Cole should share NLCS MVP with the Flyin' Hawaiian.

I'll eat my hat if the Braves get Peavy.

Hey, who shit in my hat?

Goooood morning, America!
Hi from Germany.
Had to get up at 2 a.m. (European Time) to see the Sox getting slaughtered. Fun to watch, though.
Rays will glide easily, Phillies should win tonight.

Peavy -> Braves?

In other news, Willie Randolph might be coaching 3rd base for the Yankees next season.

...from the SDP "Mailbag":
I'm an Atlanta Braves fan here, first off. There are a lot of rumors that the Braves are a team that might be able to trade for Jake Peavy. Any chance of it happening?
-- Andy F., Sandy Ridge, N.C.

(Mr C. Brock replies) I think there's a chance Peavy could get moved to another team before next season. But I think it's going to take a monster offer to get a deal done, meaning the Padres don't have to deal the right-hander. He'll make $11 million in 2009, which is regarded as affordable by today's standards for a pitcher of his stature. If a team blows the Padres away with an offer of top Minor League prospects, with some being close to being Major League ready, I think the Padres could bite. The Braves have some interesting prospects to dangle. Stay tuned.
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God dammit. God fucking dammit.

Just ... fucking dammit hell shit ass fuck piss whore cunt jizz wank douchestink slutbomb farthorn cocktrain.

Shit.

@ Phony: Wank?

My prospects only dangle on really hot days.

@ Phony : Something vexes thee?

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