Pity the Poor, Soaking Wet Masses in Philadelphia

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Oh, Bud Selig, you were never as good as Willard Scott at predicting weather patterns. Last night's downpour created a deluge of water on the field and a debacle in the hearts and minds of angry fans everywhere. Folks are not taking Milli Vanilli's advice and are instead pointing a crooked finger at Herr Selig!

Once the Philadelphia faithful are done gnashing their teeth and rending their garments, I hope they can dig up their ticket stubs from last night's contest. They'll need 'em tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or Thursday night. Whenever this game resumes, which must, of course, be in primetime or else the FOX network will have Selig's head on a platter.

Here's what Sir Shrugs-a-Lot has to say to the folks:

Game 5 tickets include a rain check stub, and replacement tickets will not be issued. Selig promised to "bend over backwards to be sensitive" to the fans of Philadelphia, lauding them as "tremendous."

"These fans obviously came and bought tickets for a night game, so they deserve to come back and see a night game," Selig said. "Yes, it will be the same starting time, whether it's Tuesday night or Wednesday night or Thursday night or whenever. But, yes, it will be."

Okay, Bud, you can say that bullshit in a press conference, but I'd like to see you say that directly to Phillies fan Michael Hughes' face:

"Major League Baseball is all about [sportscaster] Joe Buck and the ratings - they don't want to see Philadelphia win a championship," said Michael Hughes of Holland, Bucks County, in a comment that seemed to capture the sour and even conspiratorial mood at the rain-drenched ballpark.

Well Mike, I agree with your first point, but your second point is ridiculous, especially with all the wacky umpiring calls that have seemed to go Philadelphia's way in the first 4 and a half games. Still, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Go ahead and criminalize Joe Buck and the ratings. Go ahead and verbally assault Selig. You got my back.

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If there is a game 6 or 7 the longer delays would allow them to start Hamels again. So there's that Mr. Conspiracy Theorist/Philly Fan

I'm a fairly ardent Phillies fan, but I have a real problem putting this on Selig, MLB, or even the network. IT FUCKING RAINED. HARD. NOBODY KNEW IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN. Every day they don't play costs lots of people lots of money, ticketholders included. It's a lose-lose-lose.

I think Mr. Hughes is just bitter because he realized that he paid way too much money to live in a cookie-cutter suburb and that the traffic heading into the city is much worse than his realtor told him it would be. Dude, the PA Turnpike and 95 South are a shitshow. What'd you expect?

Wow, that's some tough talk from someone with cakie batter on his blazer and one of the aforementioned ticket stubs in his paws.

I'm just shocked Honeynut can type that lucidly considering the Tafoya-like hands that we saw in those cakie pics. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad now.

Did Honeynut ever date Jerry Seinfeld?

I am not an animal! I am a human being! I am a man!

Tough talk indeed, I guess I'm just too much of a simpleton to blame this on any one entity (or three, or four).

I blame Pariacaca, the Incan god of water and rainstorms.

Heehee, he said caca!

I blame George Bush. And global warming.

Did anyone at the game start chanting, "rain, rain go away come again some other day"?

That might have worked.

Actually, when Selig was spotted, all in attendance reportedly started chanting "The leader is good, the leader is great, we surrender our will, as of this date!"

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