Brewers vs. Philies:There's only so far a team can ride one pitcher, especially when he won't appear until the second game of the series on three days' rest for the fifteenth consecutive start. Besides, Bob Uecker rejected our request that he pen our Brewers preview. So it's gotta be Philadelphia in 3.
Dodgers vs. Cubs:I really like the Dodgers rotation and their offensive prowess of late and all the good stuff that comes with Joe Torre's inspirational dago influence on the Los Angeles area, but defense wins championships, and the Dodgers play defense like retarded squirrels. Therefore, Chicago in 5.
Red Sox vs. Angels:Winning 100 games just ain't what it used to be. The Anaheim team is built on a foundation of porridge and frozen guacamole. David Ortiz prefers the fresh kind, made at tableside at Dos Caminos. Mark Teixeira is nice but Kevin Youkilis shits bigger than him, three times a day. Lots of soluble fiber! Good avocados everywhere choose Boston in 3.
White Sox vs. Rays:This one's not even close. The best team in the playoffs versus the worst? Tampa Bay in 3.
NLCS:I would like to see 120 runs scored in a single postseason series. Our best hopes for that would be Cubs over Phillies in 7
ALCS:Four of the best ten teams in baseball played in the AL East this season. Two were left out of the playoffs entirely. The other two will win every single game at their home park. It's Rays over Red Sox in 7.
World Series:The Cubs put together the strongest team Kevin Kaduk has ever seen. Shame that it will all go down the drain at the hands of some two-bit expansion team. Tampa Bay in 7.