Royals Hitters Prepare to Tighten Their Rectus Abdominii

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The Royals hired Kevin Seitzer as their hitting coach for the 2009 season, after which he'll be fired and the Royals will replace him with another former hometown player who has some shred of experience teaching ballplayers how to be slightly above average.

Seitzer was last employed as the hitting coach for the Arizona Diamondbacks, a position he held for about half a year before getting fired and replaced by Rick Schu, who continued Seitzer's legacy of driving the Diamondbacks tentative offense into the turlet.

Kevin Seitzer's peak as hitting coach for the D-Backs came during spring training of 2008, when he used his wise baseball magic to help out someone named Dave Krynzel with his swing:

Outfielder Dave Krynzel was hitting off a tee one morning early in spring training when he barely mis-hit a ball, the noise echoing off the bat slightly different. Then Krynzel heard Kevin Seitzer's voice behind him: "Keep your stomach tight. Don't open up."

Seitzer, the Diamondbacks' new hitting coach, was correct in his diagnosis, but that wasn't what surprised Krynzel.

"He didn't even see it," Krynzel said. "Me and (Tony Clark) look at each other, and we're like: 'Was he even looking at me?' "

So get those sexy abs ready, Alex Gordon and Billy Butler. Coach Seitzer is going to get you to tighten them up until they look something like this.

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I wanted seltzer, not Seitzer!

The Royals 2008 calendar is going to be their best yet.

The Kansas City Royals : Excellence In Every Facet Of The Game!

I buried the fact that they also hired John Gibbons as the bench coach. Gibbons will absolutely positively be challenging Joe Posnanski to a fight by the 2009 All Star Break.

Excuse me, Mr. Sletzer?

It's Seitzer.

No, I'm pretty sure it's Seltzer.

He might not be a good hitting coach but boy can that cat wail!

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