Saturday Night Liveglog: Baseball vs. Your Social Life

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playoffliveglog.jpgBattle at the Juicebox - Take Two! Tonight we see 2 hard throwin, pitch counts are for pussies Texans go at with all they got. Will we see 300 total pitches before the 7th inning? Will Josh Beckett - October God return? Will Scott Kazmir decide that being an ace is for him after all? Will Victor Zambrano enjoy his new job as Sox bullpen catcher? Will the cowbells drive you to drink? Are you headed towards the drink anyway? Will the Habs rebound from their shootout loss against the rebuilding Leafs?

The lineups look very much like last night, which mean they look like this:

Red Sox
  1. J. Ellsbury rf
  2. D. Pedroia 2b
  3. D. Ortiz dh
  4. K. Youkilis 3b
  5. J. Bay lf
  6. J. Lowrie ss
  7. J. Varitek c
  8. M. Kotsay 1b
  9. C. Crisp cf
Tampa Bay Rays
  1. A. Iwamura 2b
  2. B.J. Upton cf
  3. C. Pena 1b
  4. E. Longoria 3b
  5. C. Crawford lf
  6. C. Floyd dh
  7. D. Navarro c
  8. G. Gross rf
  9. J. Bartlett ss
The hot weekend liveglog action jumps off after the jump.
7:55: Pregame shows are for suckers, so Ms. Moseby and I are watching Duck Dodgers in the twenty-fourth and a half century. Daffy gets down.

8:00: Your broadcast team includes grown men known as Chip and Buck. Hooray for the gay porn livegloggery!

8:07: Chip informs us of the comfortable confines of the Trop. 70 degrees, dry, and full of swing state voters. DON'T YOU FUCK THIS UP AMERICA. There other member of our broadcast team is named Darling. The innuendo police are knocking at my door.

8:10: TBS flashes the Rays defense and I notice a lack of Rocco. He'll start Monday against Lester, but I'm not glogging that game dammit. Scotty Kazmir is afraid of his own slider due to its propensity to hang. He'd be well-served to at least mix ONE in to keep the big swinging dicks off guard.

8:17: robredsox.jpg

8:21: This inning has been vintage Kazmir. Getting ahead quickly before wasting 3 straight pitches. SuperCanuck Jason Bay fought his way to a full count and drives one just short of cowbell village. The Sox were on the move so we find ourselves with a 2-0 Sox lead.

8:24: Professor Darling thinks that something is wonky with Kazmir's release point. Joe Maddon might already be thinking about how soon he'll reach his release point. I don't even know what that means, but I assure you it has nothing to do with the gay porn in the booth. Another walk means two on two out.

8:25: Mercifully, Jason Veritek continues his rapid yet noble descent towards Jake Taylor territory. To the bottom of one, Sox up 2-0!

8:30: Do you think Beckett and Kazmir chat around the cage about the country starlet they're invading these days? I'm sure the ladies would tell us that with both guys it's a laborious process that usually ends euphorically but can result in the occasional mishap. Two quick outs and the Rays are asking to go out for breakfast, despite Beckett's insistence that he has a "meeting."

8:35: Maybe Chip Caray doesn't really appreciate American League ball? Carlos Pena won't bunt because Carlos Pena makes a lot of money because he can pound the ball into the power alley in left. He cruises into second with a stand-up double like Bowie Kuhn intended.

8:40: Evan Longoria was without a hit for 4 games, but he launches a two run Poison Barb that ties the game. Two out runs make Genius Joe smile.

8:42: I'll give the Red Sox credit, they have many guys that play many positions. Jed Lowrie plays a pretty slick shortstop and ends the inning. Very shortly former Blue Jays catcher Gregg Zaun informs the Canadian audience that Scott Kazmir is pitching scared. I tend to agree, 3-1 to Ortiz is no place for your weak-ass change up. Top of two and the score is twos too! 2-2 that is.

8:45: Another versatile Red Sock is Mark Kotsay. Dude is an excellent CFer and here he is playing first. He hits a lazy fly ball to Upton for the first out. Don't lose hope, the Montreal Canadiens scored 4 times in the second period and lead the horseshit Leafs 6-1, news that I enjoy immensely.

8:47: A completely different (not completely, he still fell behind Cocco Crisp) inning for Kazmir goes 1-2-3. The people sitting behind the dugout were drinking out of those weird coloured Budweiser bottles that will never make sense to me. Still 2-2.

8:55: Newspapers may be a dying medium, but buying up url for the paper's city (ie. tampa.com, boston.com) is just good business. Josh Beckett's business is picking up, breaking off a couple good curveballs to former Expo Cliff Floyd. A nice two-seamer sits Cliffy down.

9:00: The Fat Catcher slaps one to left and rolls his way to first. He put together a decent season much to the chagrin of short-sighted Dodger fans that don't realize Russell Martin is fucking amazing. I don't think there are too many of them.

9:03: If you consider striking out all three batters but giving up a hit striking out the side, then Josh Beckett struck out the side. If you don't consider that striking out the side, you spend too much time thinking about that crap. Either way, he looks much better in the second. Not for nothing, but we're nearing 100 pitches before the start of the third. My prediction may just come through. Still 2-2

9:07: Dustin Pedroia should have just stayed in the on-deck circle and told Kazmir to pitch away. He wasn't swinging at the first pitch for nothin. He'll gladly swing away at a 3-0 pitch though. He's scrappy, you see. A nice two-handed catch by the Rays deep, deep left fielder. OMG, that guy's wearing shorts! Home run Pedrioa! 3-2 Sox.

9:10: A quick walk could spell trouble in Raysland. If they go to Edwin Jackson, I'm shutting this bitch down. Yook drives Gross back to the track, I think it's Yook that is gross. Almost everything about him. He's pretty great though, moving from first to third and back, he deserves a lot of credit for that. And he can hit. But I don't have to like it.

9:15: Two more flies to Gross ends that inning. 3-2 Sox, but Yook leads Lloyd 1-0 in life.

9:20: Beckett was looking good, getting a quick pop up until Bossman Junior hits one into space to tie the game. Chip Caray sang a pretty song as that ball landed 40 rows deep in among the fate of the country. Another pop up and another drive to left. Evan Longoria continues a trend that Rays fans could get used to.

9:25: Josh Beckett is not throwing his curveball very sharply. Conversely, the Rays are hitting his flat curveball quite sharply. Carl Crawford gives the Rays a 4-3 lead so John Farrell comes out for a chat. His advice: Pick Crawford off so you don't embarrass us any further seems prescient enough. Crawford gets caught leaning to end the third. Rays jump ahead 4-3 though.

9:30: Camp Hockey Claw reminds us all the Jason Bay and Ray Ferarro are both from Trail, BC. JASON BAY PLAYED IN THE LIL LEAGUE WORLD SERIES, just like Chris Drury of the New York Blueshirts as every broadcaster in the world will not hesitate to inform you. Scott Kazmir likely hates or does not know of the existence of hockey, but he seems to like pitching more this inning. He's picked up two quick outs.

9:35: Chip Caray strikes me as the kind of announcer that loves to talk about his golf game. Coco hits the kind of slice that keeps Caray's handicap over 18, but that works in baseball as Crisp stands on second base. Another pop up ends the top of the fourth, score still 4-3 Rays.

9:41: Cliff Floyd nearly kills some poor soul beside the Rays bullpen and then actually kills a meaty fastball right down the tubes. Another funny bone means 5-3 Rays! Floyd sweats approval in the dugout.

9:48: Ron and Buck make excuses for Josh Beckett's love of the middle of the plate. He's got two outs in a row with No Bat Bartlett coming to the plate. He's their MVP ya know. Hitting 9th, their MVP. That is how stacked these motherfuckers are! Bartlett is quietly retired, meaning I get to see another angle on Floyd's home run. Jeez, that would have been deep into the Montreal night as well. Bonne Chance Cliff! 5-3 is our score

9:52: The end of 4 means it's time for Kanadian Kommercial Korner. Enjoy a delicious Caesar, a Bloody Mary made with clam juice!



As I dream of hangover cures, lil Dustin pounds another Kazmir offering into the night. Tiny tater tot to make the score 5-4 Rays.

10:00:Thumbnail image for robredsox.jpg

Beckett's off the hook, the very same hook that yanked Kazmir off the the mound. You may thank the deity of your choosing that we aren't subjected to the Edwin Jackson Experience, instead we get an Australian with Tourettes! Grant Balfour barks like Jacob Bannon at a Converge show as he prepares to face Jason Bay. Which of course, ends in tears. Jason Bay hits one that could travel to either Trail, BC or Australia, whichever comes first. 6-5 Sox

10:05: The wheels is coming off ma! Uncork me something vintage and get the bullpen into gear! At least feeble old Jake Taylor offers a brief reprieve.

10:10: The Fat Catcher tries to comfort the Spastic Pitcher, but his night is done. Walks out of the pen is key to managerial madness. Craig Sager looks downright conservative in a royal blue jacket. His tie was Nigel Tufnel-loud though. One of the tanked rays misses his cue from Sager and a Rays reliever actually records an out, a fly ball that advances Brother Jed.

10:20: Coco Crisp strikes out to end the TOP OF THE FIFTH. If you are keeping track at home, this game is two hours and 13 minutes old and we aren't through the fifth inning. Who says baseball ignores the youth market??

10:25: Josh Beckett has a chance to enter Jack Morris, "He just pitched well enough to win" territory tonight. Also known as the biggest lie in sports. If he can "gut this out" he'll be a hero. If he keeps throwing that dirty two-seamer under the hands though, he'll be fine. A true hero indeed.

10:30: Yes Chip Caray, he did mean to swing. He meant to CHECK his swing, yet the ball his bat. He does not have an involuntary twitch, he didn't check his swing in time.

10:33: Bossman Junior runs very quickly, more quickly than the Red Sox throw. A steal and a bounding ball into right scores the Son of the Bossman to make the score 6-6! I think I may love Carlos Pena, he is a good story and a good ballplayer.

10:35: The MLB Network ad has me seriously excited for the MLB Network. If it is 50% of NBAtv, I'm good. Just like Evan Longroria. He yanks Josh Beckett's last pitch of the night for big double. A better relay throw might get Pena there, but I ask a lot. Longoria (he's a rookie I hear) hit that three kinds of hard and this nutty game is now 7-6 Rays!

10:40: Javier Lopez's night is exactly one pitch long. Carl Crawford turned it around to make it 8-6 The Red Sox are going to run out of competent relievers. Might we see Mike Timlin tonight?? He once pitched in a game just like this.... Cliff Floyd's night is done too, but his job isn't as important as Javier Lopez's. THE ROCCOTENTIAL for this game just went through the roof!

10:45 The fifth inning, which started with Kanadian Kommercial Korner 50 minutes ago, is finally done. Let's bookend it with more Kanadiana. Gregg Zaun thinks there will be ONE more home run in this game, but no more than one. This Kanadian Kommerical is old, but it nicely replicates my first meeting at WOW headquarters:



10:50: Jacoby Ellsbury nearly ends his time as a heartthrob but BUNTING THE BALL OFF HIS FACE. Numerous BC co-eds nearly lost their lunches. Luckily, this game is moving so slowly that they digested their lunches long ago.

10:55: I instantly regret posting that Molson Canadian commercial, as it is the official beer of douchbaggery. But I digress. JP Howell realizes that 1-2-3 innings are to be feared and avoided, just like much of Florida's Gulf Coast.

11:00: Joe Maddon is one of those creepy sabermetrician me thinks. 9=8? Win shares? Magic numerology? I bet Mike Scioscia tries to fight him at the Managers Golf Tournament each year. Wacky Chad Bradford comes in to face Youk, with predictable results.

Thumbnail image for robredsox.jpg

11:05: Hard to believe that this Bay character played for the PIRATES for years and years. Canyoubelieve it's 8-7? I surely cannot. Another marathon half inning is finally over, the Coke Zero body parts commercial give me a great idea. Coke Zero! I enjoy.

11:10: Manny Delcarmen makes a really nice play, and our broadcast team only goes with one pitcher fielding cliche. No mention of "fielding his position well" or "getting off the mound in a hurry", a tidy little "pitchers aren't athletes" is all we get. Nice play either way.

11:15: I, like CTC, enjoy Chip Caray's use of the word fisted. Jason Bartlett fisted one to Lowrie who brings it to first with some sauce on it. A banger at first but the umpire called the safe word so Bartlett's okay to proceed. Roll out - punch out and the late innings are on the horizon! I can't believe it! 8-7 Rays

11:20: The comment field has fallen fallow, which frightens me a great deal. We didn't quite get to my 300 pitch prediction, but we're well over 250. Buck says Chad Bradford is a character guy, I think of him as a ROOGY mercenary. He only has allegiance to himself, and his Frisbee slider. They ride out the tough times together.

11:24: My hopes and dreams for a 1-2-3 inning are deflected off the glove of Bradford into no man's land. Sigh. Not for nothing, but if you're ever feeling dumb, or uninformed, dive headfirst into Yahoo Answers. You may never feel comfortable driving on the highway again, but at least you'll be entertained.

11:30: Bradford makes a nice pick up to send us the stretch with the score 8-7 Rays. In honour of Tampa's crowd gimmick of choice, I present White Cowbell Oklahoma from Toronto, of course.



11:35: Okajima's in to pitch, meaning the ROCCOTENTIAL isn't getting much higher. Carlos Pena tried to bunt for a hit, but it made him feel a little queer so he swung the bat with gusto. He got it right on the screws but right at Kotsay. A Longoria fly ball brings Carl Crawford up to the strains for Paper Planes. Kala's one of my favorite records of the year, provided it came out this year. Pixies samples!!!11! Better than the Pixies??? THREE UP THREE DOWN INNINGS!! On to the 8th, 8-7 Rays

11:40: A seeing eye single chases Chad Bradford. I think Jenny Finch should attempt a career as a submariner. She could probably throw as hard as Chad Bradford and her interests probably don't include hunting & fishing. GET CRAIG SAGER A PULITZER PRIZE! 72 pieces of gum, one for every hour of this game. I shouldn't complain, it's a tight contest not lacking excitement. If Trevor Miller walks David Ortiz however, I'm going on a killcrazy rampage.

11:45: Chip Caray and Trevor Miller are working in tandem. Chip confirmed my belief that Trevor Miller was once a Blue Jay, and Trevor Miller confirmed my belief that he sucks. The last pitch was close, but Miller sucks after all. Another walk, another pitching change, another 3 minutes of my life set ablaze.

11:50: Dan Wheeler? Isn't he the closer? Good thing they have big free agent signing Troy Percival back......oh, he didn't make the post season roster? Much like World Famous Eric Shitske Hinske? A double play ball could help Dan Wheeler get six outs tonight. Down 2-0 going to Fenway isn't a good place to be, so Dr. Joe will pull out all the stops tonight.

11:55: NOBODY WANTS TO WIN THIS GAME. TFC chose to underhand a wild pitch back to Wheeler which predictably ended in failure. The game is tied at 8 and the Sox have another runner on thanks to another walk, their 8th of the day. Bossman Junior plays a splendid centrefield to end the inning. Bottom of 8th on the way with the game 8-8

THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT: This might be my last entry, as the dead are now roaming the Earth, bringing death and destruction to those that don't throw strikes. Okajima now brings strikes NOT TO ROCCO BALDELLI. What's the deal Maddon, I thought we had and agreement!!! Your kindly, photo-enthusiast uncle Darryl Cousins makes an excellent call down the left field line before Aybar grounds out. Either Ron Darling misspoke or he love The Wire and it's depiction of The Game.

12:06: The seats down the left field line appear to point directly at center field. RAYS FEVER JUST KEEPS SPREADING. If the Red Sox brought Kei Igawa over to be Dice-K's Japanese "friend" this game would be over. Okajima has been pretty phenomenal both tonight & over the last two years. Another non-Rocco pinch-hitter shows that Joe Maddon hates me and all I stand for. Fuck you Joe, you pretentious hipster doofus.

12:12: Gregg Zaun teaches Canadians what a long swing looks like while teaching us what a lifetime of chewing tobacco and foul tips to the face look and sound like. Gregg knows the game but has a grill for print. JD Drew is pinch hitting for Tek, if something good happens CTC's laughter will be pinch hit for by the shrieks of a schoolgirl.

12:20: The cowbells clang for the strikeout but a long flyball to center caused BJ Upton to take a wacky route going straight back. A tough play for sure, but one he'd like to have back. Wheeler was killing it before that line drive, I worry for the Rays pen beyond him.

12:23: A long, luxurious swing from Ellsbury produces nothing but air to end the inning. This game has been so wacky, so all over the map there is only one possible outcome, right? Right? I've already jinxed it. Dammit.. Headed to the bottom of 9, TIED AT 8

12:28: Wagon Wheel Ice Cream Sandwich Caray has uttered walkoff about three times too many this half inning. Now Buck & Doe gets in on the act. Anything you'd like to add Professor Darling? Have they shrimp in the Hawaiian Islands? Justin Masterson looks like he's about 50 feet tall and his favorite word is "fag". I just get that vibe from him. I bet everything he comes across on a daily basis is judged by its relative sexuality.

12:33: He almost certainly takes exception to the terms fisted and jamshot, which we just heard in short order. Upton strikes out after Akinori scampered to first with an infieldish hit. 2 down for the Rays, Tito's going for Papelbon. Let the attrition begin.

12:40: That is about enough of the crowd shots TBS. First the nonsensical Tampa Bay Someday sign to the former trophy wife with the massive implants, I've seen enough. Buck mentions the beauty of baseball - BUCK THERE IS NO BEAUTY AT 1AM. Only sad desperation.

12:42: BLISS! EXTRA INNINGS. If I had a horse in the race I'd be vibrating right now. There would be no talking to me. As it stands, I'm holding onto hope for something cool and/or weird that none of us will ever forget. A brief shot of the TBS studio shows HR doing a mediocre Kenny Smith impression. Chip Caray forgets that he's on nationally and drops a "you all" on us. NON-REGIONAL DICTION ONLY CHIP! Save that shit for the nights your calling all the players by their first name.

12:48: The only thing Paplebon was visualizing was his bed. Dude was asleep! Don't you see Bud Selig! These Floridians gotta get up early for the church! Dan Wheeler is a wild animal, pitching into his third inning. Joe Maddon and I at least agree that his bullpen is spent. Papi's out too for Yoook.

12:50: I'm jumping into this game with both feet now. It has reverted to a very well-pitched, tight game. Awesome. Just as baseball is supposed to be BUT NOT AFTER 4 HOURS OF WALKS. The only thing more puzzling that Bossman Junior's route to flyballs is the extra A on the Rays jersey. There is a half no one breast and a full A on the other breast. It just seems excessive. All the fisting and jamshots tonight have rendered the umps out of baseballs. They blue right through the balls. LIVE GLOG AFTER DARK

12:55: Julio Lugo looks more like a Bedouin extra from the Mummy than a ballplayer. I'll let frustrated Sox fans finish that sentence. For a guy that pretty much throws one pitch, Paplebon gets a lot of terrible swings out of good hitters.

1:00 Despite Carl Crawford living the Canadian dream by nailing Paplebon with a comebacker, Pedroia corrals the carom to complete the 1-4-3 put out. That is some straight up baseball talk right there. I'm like a journalist. Papelbon is like a machine, he didn't blink after that thing bounced off his person. If I remember him prancing around in his underpants correctly, he's all kinds of jacked so I must give him credit. Gamer or something equally praiseworthy. He's also a great pitcher to gets the Rays in order. I also just realized I've been spelling Papelbon incorrectly all night long. Sue me.

1:05: Dan Wheeler is still pitching, which blows my mind. Here's hoping he doesn't go all Keith Foullke rubber arm if this series goes longer. David Price, who is unassailably awesome, warms in the pen. Wheeler cares not for your ligaments and tendons as he strikes out Jason Bay. A walk to Lowrie spells the end of Wheeler's amazing night. David Price is coming in to face Scott Boras's favorite son.

1:15: The Vandy - FSU rivalry fails to materialize as Price walks Drew. This is getting quite dicey for the Rays with only terrible Edwin Jackson still in the pen. The great undecided hope certainly rushes it up to the plate. And he throws strikes, thank heavens. Strikes on the outside black to get veteran hitters apparently.

1:20: David Price is the future of the American League East! Great. He induces an easy ground out from Coco Crisp. OHMIGOD! Jonny Gomes runs onto to the field and is thumping Crisp like he stole something! Scandal! Untruths! Time for Kanadian Kommerical Korner once again. How about some good, old fashioned Kanadian PSAs?



Mike Timlin is in to pitch for the Red Sox, so if your hat has a red "B" on it your heart is in your throat.

1:27: Buck Martinez reads Timlni's resume in a way that is supposed to be reassuring but just sounds like he's softening the inevitable blow. He walks TFC who is replaced by TFBG. Zobrist wants to bunt to Iron Mike won't let him.

1:30: Another walk and something EXTREMELY noteworthy is now officially a possibility. No, YOU'RE playing the modifier game.

1:33: STOP BOOING! DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT THAT INTENTIONAL WALK MEANS???

1:36: An actual climax turns out to be anticlimax. It takes BRASS BALLS to tag on a 120 foot pop up, and Fernando Perez just did. Bossman Junior's shitty at bat got the RAYS THE WIN!!! 9-8! The longest playoff game and we glogged it all. Thanks for sticking around for it, I had a blast. We'll have shrimp yet!

1:40: I said brass balls Sager, not tennis balls. I can't believe he brought those ONTO the field. Anyway, good night all. Sooze will guide you throw the game tomorrow night. Have a good one!

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62 Comments

Those columns are pretty. Can you please tell me how to do that? TEACH ME. TEACH ME.

I employed a little known technique called "google search html columms". I'd actually used them before, but I'm an idiot and forgot.

That's how I write the site. I google search "baseball."

Shhh. Don't let our secrets out. Quick, I'll squat on walkoffbalk.com and you do the same on walkoffswack.com

wankoffwank.com

Jason Veritek continues his rapid yet noble descent towards Rich Gedman territory.

Hey, if the world series ends up with Tek laying down a bunt that scores Ellsbury from second, and blows both his knees out making it down the line to first, I think any Red Sox fan would take that in a heartbeat.

I want old Beckett back :(

Not to go all Surviving Grady on you, but seriously... what happened to Commander Kick-ass? Is he too scared by that thing on Youk's chin to focus on the task at hand?

He's gone Uncle Charley crazy!

In honor of Hockey Seasonand our Canadian Glog Master:

Jason Bay is from the same town as Ray Ferraro.

On a scale of 1 to Chinese, Ron Santos is Ghengis Kahn.

Also, why the fuck does Chip Caray insist on stickin it to the Sox every chance possible? Fuck you TBS and Fuck You Chip Caray.

Hey Tampa/St. Pete area:

Why are your ghettos so horrifying and how does Coco's ass taste?

When did the Rays get fans? All year they kick ass and now they are in the playoffs and the place sells out. Jackasses.

AND another thing. I went for pizza tonight at a place that has been raved about. Ever have to salt your pizza? I never had to until tonight. Blandest damn pizza ever. Just one more addition to my bad pizza list.

Dustin Pedroia has to pay taxes on Scott Kazmir's white ass.

Fat, where was this pizza place?

Bad pizza does not exist. It's all tied for first.

I fuckin love Kanadian Kommercial Korner. I've had a clamato bloody mary. They're amazing.

Yoooooooouk.

I

tots fer everyone

I love Jason Bay, and therefore, Canadians in general. Except for those from Montreal. Suck it, hosers.

Cesars>>>>>Bloody Mary. It isn't really close. Don't let Rob hear you bad mouth Montreal PBR, he 75% Quebecois.

We need to start a petition to get Julia Tucker to put the Jason Bay Song back up. This is getting retarded.

Jack Morris shits bigger than Josh Beckett

Tonight sucks. Florida is going to win by 30 too. I hate sports.

The Bruins even lost. They may not be your Bruins, but they belong to somebody.

Oh they're my Bruins. Probably not for another 2 weeks or so. But they're mine.

SPORTS IS RAD.

Ohmyfrickinggoshyouguys.

This game is going to last forever. P.S. Yay hockey!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe Castiglione just described that last play as a "room service hop" to Youkilis. That is making so many appearances in my next glog.

That pretty much kills my favorite "courtesy hop"

4 hours.

Fuck you Joe, you pretentious hipster doofus.

My dad pretty much said this thing over the phone tonight sans f bomb. The lessons: Joe Maddon is a hipster and my dad is getting soft.

FISTED

-Chip Caray

Hey lloyd do you got any hosies up in your crib for this liveglog? If i had one wish right now, after wishing for the red sox to pull this one out, i'd wish for LTB to have a harem of hosies by his side right now.

I bet he thinks it's hilarious. He laughs and laughs at the gentleman's club mid-happy ending.

There's a pregnant girl asleep in my bed, her belly measures 40 inches around as of tonight. Not the result of FISTING, this much I know.

I bet everything he comes across on a daily basis is judged by its relative sexuality.

+1

All of this is funny to me. David Ortiz's bloody corpse is hard to watch at the plate.

Julio Lugo looks more like a Bedouin extra from the Mummy than a ballplayer... if Bedouin's fielded baseballs while holding cement blocks?

i've always likened Julio Lugo very much to the NBA's Doug Christie, in that they both resemble a finger.

They resemble a finger? That is the most asinine statement I've ever agreed with.

And I like Michael Moore.

Doug Christie was always GOOD at defense though, but I guess it's both their calling cards.

The correct spelling of Papelbon is actually Cinnabon.

So I go out. Have some drinks...and this game is still going. Sweet.

CTC: DiCarlo's in Oak Creek, WI. Never go there. Sorry for the delay:)

Jim Hickey, more like Dick Licky.

I will have some Coco Crisp in the morning. How ridiculous is his name. Rays are ALIVE!

Covelli Crisp. Delicious.

Hello.

I am Mike Timlin.

I am old and successful.

I matter.

That commercial is fucking horrifying. Thanks for the nightmares.

haha, the good old Film Board of Canada. They do good work!

Jason Bartlett is the Rays MVP....

It is a matter of truth that Upton really sucks in this situation. Boston will win.

FISTED! Holy shit man put that bat on your SHOULDER

Come on...

gogkljvbjklskcukuvkvvLKBLIGO8UOGPOIBSLIGO8UOGLBLKBLvblkliigoigso99tyol

HAR! Go you Rays! Sorry Reddies

aw... no shrimp T_T.

The shittiest throw ever?

I think CTC just died on the inside.

i feel as though i've been FISTED.

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