Saturday Night Rainglog Club - Galoshes @ Slickers, Game 3

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worldseriesliveglog.jpgUnfortunately, I trapped at work and out of my normal glogspace. Fortunately, there is an HDtv and laptop handy, so I'm back in the game!

And what a game it looks to be. I am blessed by the MLB international feed, so I'll be free of Joe and Tim's adventures in boredom. I could always switch to Fox to increase my understanding of most of your suffering, but I'm just not that compassionate. I just cast my judging gaze over the lineups, but let's see what they look like exactly:

Tampa Bay Rays
  1. A. Iwamura 2b
  2. B.J. Upton cf
  3. C. Pena 1b
  4. E. Longoria 3b
  5. C. Crawford lf
  6. D. Navarro c
  7. G. Gross rf
  8. J. Bartlett ss
  9. M. Garza p
  1. J. Rollins ss
  2. J. Werth rf
  3. C. Utley 2b
  4. R. Howard 1b
  5. P. Burrell lf
  6. S. Victorino cf
  7. P. Feliz 3b
  8. C. Ruiz c
  9. J. Moyer p
Let's hope the rain holds off and we can see a ballgame, dammit! The answers lie after the jump.

The Commercials are Long and Plentiful

8:10: The commercials are going to be even longer and even more plentiful, as the game has been delayed! That sucks. I believe this video to be quite timely, quite long and quite full of reasons to be a rock star. Let's pass the time together.

8:30: We're really spoiled for choice here. Fox is showing a god-awful sitcom starring Brad Garrett while Sportsnet shows the story of the 2007 World Series, voiced by Matt Damon. I've switched to Hockey Night in Canada, where the Leafs lead the Ottawa Senators 2-1 halfway through the second period. The only thing I hate more than these two teams is the tiny shift key on this laptop. It's going to be a long night. I'll likely go the rebus route of Tuffy, except my pictures won't be funny or augmented with quality commentary.

8:40: Those clever devils at Fox taunt us with some Eurythmics. Damn your insistent beat and hot pants Annie Lennox. The Battle of Ontario has lost some luster, as the Leafs are truly terrible and the Sens have no goalie and a shitty coach. MAKE THE BASEBALL START!

8:45: Are the Rockies the worst World Series team ever? Was there a bigger mismatch than Sox - Rox? Would you prefer to punch Curt Schilling in the face or have him fall silent forever? A tough call. Another tough call: should the producers of "Til Death" face jail time? The show is beyond awful, without How I Met Your Mother, the three camera sitcom is dee you en done.

8:50: Commenter Matt_T jumps into the void with SEC speed, inquiring about the state of his bulldogs. I understand they often have respiratory problems and hip/knee challenges on top of their over-the-top breeding costs. College football? I'm effectively cutting football out of my life and I'm better for it. Joe Bucks jumps in to tell us that the field dries quickly, but the rain and wind are driving. They are going to show us Til Death until we actually do die. This sucks.

8:55: Dice K wore a fancy red glove last year. It looked to be made of plastic and unsuitable for most PeeWee baseball leagues. It is a miracle that Mike Timlin's career has lasted so long. It looks like he throws with no legs or body whatsoever. So might counter that Mike Timlin's career has gone on three years too many. Jamey Carrol looks like an insect.

9:05: If this game is rained out, they will play the rest of the series without an off day. Extending the series by a day might allow Cole Hamels to make a third start, an obvious advantage for the Phils. suggests the Rays will simply push their entire rotation back a day. You're outta luck Sonny.

9:20: So, the World Baseball Classic huh? I'm excited for sure, and they're even playing in Toronto! Do ya think any of these players will make the team? Hamels, Lidge, Longoria J-Roll have shots, I believe. It would be pretty great if Rocco played for Italy, if you ask me. Which you didn't.

9:25: THEY'RE ROLLING UP THE TARP! It's still pouring rain, but Dave O'Brien and Rick Sutcliffe assure me the game is starting soon. Rick is strikingly sober, which is a little disappointing. 9:45 first pitch? I'm going to be here all night.

9:30: Honestly, historical baseball stats are completely meaningless. Yes, the Rays are the first team to drive in two runs on ground outs in the same inning since 1923. That means nothing, doesn't improve my understanding of the game in any way. Screw you Sutcliffe, don't waste my time.

9:35: Ricky reports that David Price is unavailable tonight, having thrown 42 pitches on Thursday. He also mentions the long layoff as a factor in the Phillies offensive struggles, sighting last year's Rockies. Last year's Rockies lost because they were an inferior team in every way. This year's Phillies are just slumping. They'll come around, It might be tough tonight as the rain is TEEMING down. Don't waste the cherry timeslot, play the game Fox demands!

9:40: The dolphin discussion continues in the comments. Let's give Matt Groening the last word. The first pitch won't fly until 10 PM Eastern Standard Time, possibly the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

9:45: Fox shows Matt Garza pounding his iPod through the pouring rain. All broadcasters continue to ensure us that the field will be suitable for play. We thinks they doth protest too much. The introductions begin with some bizarre song about fish playing, I'm quite confused. The Phillies Phanatics boo each player with sufficient gusto. I just joined them in booing Gabe Gross.

9:50: The reverse introduction of the Phils was incredibly underwhelming. The bedazzled guitar of Taylor Swift is not underwhelming anybody. The groundscrew is so far behind in preparing the field, they had to call in the National Guard to help remove the novelty Old Glory outfield tarp! Big cheer for the broken bell of Liberty! Batteries for Taylor Swift's inappropriate tights.

9:55: I switched back to the international feed just in time for a somber Phillies history montage set to "Streets of Philadelphia" by every single rootsy indie band around right now. Get off Bruce's dick, Killers douchebag. I was also subjected to Steve Carlton throwing out a first pitch that wasn't Tim McGraw's made for TV first pitch. Steve Carlton, one of the greatest lefties of all time, barely threw the ball 20 feet. I really feel bad for those guys that left their mobility on the field in the old days.

10:00: First pitch? Nope, Jame Moyer is still applying balms and swabs. The Phils finally take the field and my life is slowly draining from me.

10:05: Will I post more than three of these fancy images? I'm forgetful and doubtful.

10:07: First pitch! Second pitch gives us the first out, the frozen crowd roars approvingly. If I'm still here at 2am, heads will roll.

10:10: The fancy Fox graphics shows Moyer's grizzled hands gripping his variety of grips. Not pictured: his tenuous grip on life. The Phils were complaining about the umpiring between games, a fact that won't change after Pena's walk. Oh, an EVA chant! How clever and timely.

10:15: If only Evan Longoria had a more manly name like Cole or Chase, the Philly fans would leave him alone. Everybody opts to leave him standing at the plate, all alone after a slooowwww change up strike out. Googly eyes time.

10:20: The comedic stylings of Tim McGraw everybody! Going home to Faith Hill gives him the last laugh I suppose. A lead off hit allows me to break out the Matt Garzameter early, he looks foamy, cold, and nervous.

10:22: Tim McCarver analysis is bang fucking on. Wildness is a contributing factor to many pitchers downfall. The wildness persists and bouncy balls put two in scoring position. This is worst case scenario for the Rays, and best for the Phillies.

10:30: Matt Garza thanks all things holy that only one run scored. Ryan Howard continues to struggle badly and Pat the Bat quickly pops up. 1-0 Phillies but it should have been more. More googly eyes!
10:33: Aston Kutcher is redefining flash in the pan by advertising cameras and flashes. Zing! He's everything that is wrong with everything. Pat Burrel shows off his DHing skills on a Crawford bloop to nowhere. The Bat is going to get The Free Agent deal and will be hated by everyone in his new city. McCarver magic! The reason that ball was difficult to catch was due to it's lack of time in the air. He really paints a picture.

10:37: Carl Crawford makes Joe Maddon look like a genius. A stolen base turns Gross's lazy fly ball into an effective at bat. Good work Gabe! Bad work Bartlett! He put a good swing on that and it went NOWHERE. 1-1 is now our score.

10:40: Drinkability? That dangerously underage girl is won't get me anywhere near light beer. What is the fascination with that swill anyway? The difference is light beer is an abomination.

10:44: Carlos Pena is officially my favorite Ray. He nearly takes one in the chin but retires Victorino quickly. More outstanding defense! Jason Bartlett justifies his place in the lineup with that gem. Delmon Young? Youthful pitching and defense is valuable, why would the Twins trade it away?

10:46: TATER TOT! 2-1 Phils! The only thing more valuable than young pitching is a good Lloyd the Barber jinx of death. That big funny bone brings that pitcher to the plate. He wasn't hitting as much as occupying space. The Rocky Music means this inning is over.

10:50: A Jim Carey romcom?? Exciting! Not even my wife Zooey can salvage that mess. I will mention Matt Garza's at bat only in passing, I refuse to acknowledge it any further. The third inning actually starts with Akinori popping up to yJaysony. Booosman Junior steps in, an incidental fact compared to the story of Jamie Moyer's long road to respectability. He has 7 kids, that is mindbending. BJ goes down and this game keeps on keeping on. 2-1 Phillies

10:55: Ground control to GM's marketing department: take your employment pills and put your layoff helmet on. Another hit for J Roll is bad news for the Rays. Zooey Deschanel may not record many Billboard hits, but she's number one in my heart.

11:00: I've glogged two Rays games and Dioner Navarro has shown me a ridiculous arm both times. Huge lead, good jump, doesn't matter. The Fat Catcher made you his boy Jimmy. Jayson Werth's excuse me swing proves once and for all that batting average is a meaningless stat. They shifting for Chutley.

11:03: Nice point/counterpoint by Utley and Upton. Utley shows why he doesn't bunt into the shift by crushing a ball to center and Upton demonstrates his keen ability to eat up copious amounts of ground to make an excellent catch. Ryan Howard has really fallen on hard times, at both ends of the state of Pennsylvania.


11:10: Tim McCarver informs America that Jamie Moyer and Matt Garza are DP enthusiasts. In through the out door my friends, it's the only way to fly. Flying out to right helps business for the wrong team, like a reach around gone wrong. Evan Longoria and Matt_T are now BFF. I stopped after Guitar Hero 2, there will never be a better song to play than Freya.

11:15: Evan Longoria hasn't looked good tonight, another long swing results in another strike out. Pat Burrell manages to collect this popup by Crawford. Inning over, off to the bottom of four, not before a commercial for a ridiculously premised show staring my ex-wife Eliza Dushku. 2-1 Phillies still


11:20: Cool complex sure, but the sea of parking that surrounds the Wachoiva complex is a little sad. So. Many. Cars. I haven't spent too much time there, but there seemed to be a lot of husky fellows and lasses when last I was there. I was in the poker room at the Taj when Terrell Owens fist signed with the Eagles, they announced from the pit and the entire place went NUTS.

11:24: Unlike his Friday night, Pat couldn't hold his bat back so he's down on strikes. Joe Buck is totes dishing on Matt Garza's sport psychologist. He's crazy ya'll! Crazy with the two seam fast balls through the front door! Nice pitch, two down.


11:30: I was called away from the glog just as Matt Garza was striking out the side. Now I'm here as Joe Buck justifies Gabe Gross starting in place of my beloved Rocco. I don't mind if Rocco doesn't start, but why Gross? Willy Aybar is an engaging personality who can also hit weak pop flies. First out in the fifth.

11:35: A clinic Joe Buck? Jason Bartlett's just missed two very hittable pitches. I don't think there is a such a creature when Garza's at the plate. His stance doesn't look too bad (it looks exactly like all Rays right handed hitter ie Rocco) but he's out to the end the inning. Still 2-1

11:50: I've learned a lesson tonight: never work. Jobs are the worst, especially when they take you away from glorious glogging and playoff baseball. I didn't appear to miss much, though Yahoo boxscores don't tell the whole story. Jamie Moyer reminds the Rays of my twin Mark? I'm aghast.

11:55: I rushed back to my glogcave to find that nothing has happened. BJ Upton hit one in front of The Bat, so that is something. I'll be in and out for a few minutes, I appreciate your patience.

12:10: Attack of the Funny Bones!!! Back to back jobbies by Chutley and Ryan Howard pad the Phillies lead and send the Matt Garzameter spit reading to sawdust! My somewhat aborted glog has gone to seed as I'm missing all the good stuff. 4-1 Phillies!

12:25: Joe Maddon can see the future. Putting Gabe "effective outs" Gross into the lineup was some tarot card shit. Jamie Moyer rides off the field on the bullpen Segway to a standing ovation. The Man pitched a hell of a ball game, but they aren't out of the woods yet. A blown call that is difficult to pin on the ump, in me estimation. They make that call based on the sound of the ball hitting the glove. No glove no love as they say.

12:50: I am an utter failure. Can I revive this glog as the Rays attempt to resuscitate their offense? Only the god's of bad segues know for sure. The same people that know that Keifer Sutherland is a drunk driving criminal, but he's on a popular show so that's okay.

12:52: There is a joke to make about this blog being aborted because I was raped by work, but I'll leave it alone. Ryan Madsen is going to make himself rich if he keeps shutting the door in the 8th inning. J-Roll covered a lot of ground to no avail. Nobody can accuse Bossman Junior of not hustling down the line there. The picture looks to have gone a little off, a weird pixilated delay that kept me from truly appreciating Upton's ability to pick them Upton and put them downs.

12:55: B.J. Upton stole that base with the ease of Clooney stealing America's heart. B.J. Upton stole third base like he had a man on the inside. Error on Ruiz and the game is tied at 4. Ryan Madsen is going to sit down so that Charlie can hock a loogy on the mound.

1:00: The Loogy did his job so it's up to knuckle dragger Chad Bradford to hold the Phillies. Well one Philly, he likely won't make it so see Utley and Howard. The glog goes dark again for a few scant minutes.


1:50: That was simply disgusting. A 50 foot roller wins the game when we could have had shrimp just two pitches from now. Awful, I feel used and abused. Thanks to anyone that stuck around, my apologizes for my stuttering nature. More fun tomorrow, I'll try to figure out what this all means and we'll have a proper full glog for you tomorrow night. Thanks ya'll!

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Good call, but Estranged is actually a superior video.

Estranged is a superior everything, but its raining and I'm simple

I'm an idiot. I didn't even make the rain connection. I should be fired.


While we wait on baseball; how bout them DAWGS.

While we wait on baseball; how bout them DAWGS.

We're talking Dolphins right now, matt.

Oh ok. Dolphins are cool too

They are intelligent and can hold conversations with Ice T and Neo at the same time.


Your average dolphin is much smarter than Keaneu Reeves.

i hope Rocco doesn't melt in the rain

We decided on an engagement ring style we (she) likes today.

Make sure it costs at least $40 grand or it means you don't love her. That's what I was told.

I express my love by cooking Fartie Cakes for her. Actually, she really doesn't know a lot about diamonds. We were shopping and she sees a 3 carat monster and says, "that looks nice".

It looks nice covered in the blood of a Ivory Coast teenager. Play the white guilt card, it works every time.

Lloyd Yostrolled us.

Lloyd, I would swim in a pool of African baby blood if there was a cheap diamond to be had. Blood diamond? Great, what's the clarity?

You can have the privilege of overpaying by 40% for a cruelty free Canadian or Alaskan diamond.

Jamie Moyer is a thousand.

In fact...I'm pretty sure he's a grandfather...

Old Man Moyer looking like he knows what's up

There is a pitcher in Bases Loaded named Moyer. I like to think Jamie Moyer is based on him.

I'd like to play bases loades right now


I forgot Jimmy Rollins could actually hit

The only thing loaded right now in philly is Garza's shorts.

I like the look on Tim McGraw's face after he says "smoke 'et cigarett'

I have a few friends who were Pikes in College. The only reason I am still friends with them is because we have been friends since Kindergarten. Anyway, they love Tim McGraw, mostly because he was a Pike.

In other words, fuck Tim McGraw.

Pike? Enlighten me.

That video I posted is funnier the drunker you are.

Pi Kappa Something. It's a fraternity. I can't speak for other states, but all Pikes in CA (at least Cal Poly, Santa Barbara, San Diego, Santa Clara) are either jocks, or more likely ex-high school jocks.

A lot of them are actually nice guys, but it's easier to hate a group of people without getting to know them.

Pikes were best known on my campus for their prediliction to antagonize other frats. And date rape. Can't forget the date rape.

I never did the frat thing, plaing rugby was as close as I got. Ms. Wahoo, however, was the president of tri-delt sorority at Boston U. She hasn't date raped me yet.

I left out date rape by accident. At Cal Poly, they were put on suspension years ago when a sorority chick was taking a beer bong from the second floor, and they threw in a shot of hard alcohol. She went to the hospital.

Coincidentally, this is the same way Matt Stairs met his wife.

Matt Stairs hipchecked his wife down the aisle.

Dammit, Zooey Deschanel. You want me to stop lusting after you with your Jim Carrey flick, don't you?

Not gonna happen.


Then he hammered her ass on the honeymoon.

Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity just gave up their house on the UF campus because they got suspended. Again. Probably for date rape. Like the last nine times.

Zooey is frigging hot. Have you heard her album?

Zooey's album is pretty good.

Wahoo, I have heard a few singles. Her voice is haunting and arousing.

Can they pause the game at 12 so I can go buy the new Guitar Hero?

Everything about Zooey is arousing, except for the fact that she's not with me.

Almost Famous let me love her forever

Welcome to the Dollhouse.

Another show that will get canceled early and all the nerds will talk about how brilliant it is, and then a stupid movie will get made about it

Like Firefly? Fucking nerds.

Navarro does what Maddon says and gets a hit. Maybe the rest of the Ray chucklehead should do that too

That's the worst swing I've ever seen.

Chief, my chick is a tri-delt too, but too young to remember the delta delta delta skit on SNL. She's also too young to remember the Clinton administration, so i have that going for me.

I can never unsee Jamie Moyer's tongue.

Robin Roberts' ghost kept that one in the park.

Hitting off Garza makes the ball go farza.

Don't tell Sarah Palin you semi-aborted a glog.

No glove no love sounds like a mid-90s MTV safe sex slogan.



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