Scott Boras Inserts Himself Into Conversation, Conversation Still Recovering From That Whole Darryl Strawberry Fiasco

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Last night was the first game of baseball's biggest pageant, the World Series! This can only mean one thing: time for Scott Boras to pipe up, strut around, and stick his chest out like a peacock. He's got the unenviable task of trying to get the Red Sox to re-sign team captain and grizzled veteran catcher Jason Varitek, who is coming off his worst offensive season in his entire career. No problem, though, because Scott Boras is nothing if he's not persuasive!

"If you think about his physical conditioning, he's got many more years to play in this game," Boras said last night. "When he's out there, this club is decisively different. You're really talking about a guy that is inherently valuable. In this day and time, what is a player like that worth?

Well, Scott, he was worth $10 million a year over the last four seasons, but now with his contract expired, he ain't worth that much. Baseball Prospectus projected that he's worth just under $5 million in 2009, and that number was posited before his horrid 2008 campaign. Yes, the Red Sox should re-sign him. No, they should not offer more than $5 million a year and no more than 2 years.

"We're in the process of finalizing data intake. We have to look at the marketplace. We have to look at similarly situated All-Star players, who they are in stature to their team. There are many comparisons. We're certainly going to look at how those players [were] received in the free agent market and use that as that watermark."

It's too bad you didn't get this shit worked out in January like you wanted to, Scotty. Maybe you shouldn't have waited for the Sox to come to you and been the bigger man for once in your miserable life.

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"Scott Boras" is an anagram for "cob ass tort."

The Internet Anagram Server rests its case.

And "Kris Liakos" is an anagram for "Okra is silk." Hmm.

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