Sunday Night Semiglog Community Organization - Acorns from Heaven

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semiglog.jpgSince this may not be a real glog, we can't really call ourselves a true club. We'll be a loose association of commenters and observers.

This is a game 7 that many of us didn't expect to see. The improbably of game 5 gave way to the inevitability of game 6. I'm sure many Sox fans had all but checked out for the season, but now their hooked in further than ever.

I'm going to try to glog it as often as I can, but wives don't seem to appreciate monopolizing both the internet AND the TV on a Sunday night. Luckily, I saved some high quality lithium from my single days, so she'll be out like a light before the third inning. But first the lineups that I just finished "analyzing."

Red Sox
  1. C. Crisp cf
  2. D. Pedroia 2b
  3. D. Ortiz dh
  4. K. Youkilis 3b
  5. J.D. Drew rf
  6. J. Bay lf
  7. M. Kotsay 1b
  8. J. Varitek c
  9. A. Cora ss
Tampa Bay Rays
  1. A. Iwamura 2b
  2. B.J. Upton cf
  3. C. Pena 1b
  4. E. Longoria 3b
  5. C. Crawford lf
  6. W. Aybar dh
  7. D. Navarro c
  8. R. Baldelli rf
  9. J. Bartlett ss
Let's glog it after the jump
8:10: The teams take the field as my dinner takes the table. I'm no foody so chicken and risotto will have to do. I'm drinking blueberry juice because I'm anti-oxidized. Matt Garza closely resembles a gecko on the mound and a smirking shitbag in his bio photo.

8:13: Earplugs are fer queers while iphones are rich athletes to play reggaeton before the biggest game of their lives.

8:35: End of 1 and Buck salutes the Rays patience. You'd think they still have the whole game in front of them.

8:40: Buck insists that Varitek doesn't let his fungo bat interfere with his catching duties. I think it's Varitek's fear of taking a fastball to the throat that allows him to focus on catching. My dad used to call Buck "Oh fer May" because he REALLY didn't care about his struggles at the plate. Just like when he tagged two guys out at home with a broken ankle. Lots of focus. Varitek goes back to the tools of ignorance after another K.

8:51: A big shout out to the vengeful gods, who have decided to send this game along at a jaunty pace while I rush along trying to get into glog-shape. Damn you efficient Lester! Regarding my dinner: fuck broccoli.

8:55: Bucks reminds us that that the boos rain down on Coco just like various Rays rained blows down upon his head.

8:58: The consistency of Matt Garza's spittle offers a window into his soul. Right now he's foamy & frothy so we know he scurred.

9:00: I don't know how Pedroia can focus on pitching when he's receiving a four way slurp job. He's little but tasty! Now with bonus seam marks on his elbow!

9:02: Pedroia does the little things, like choosing to steal second as the ball bounds away from The Fat Catcher. Scrappy and prescient. It don't matter as Big Papi is still at seises and sietes. Still 1-0 Sox

9:07: My wife is a little glogshy because the last time I took to the airwaves, the game lasted 7 days and 7 nights. Tonight's strike zone looks to be a little bigger than earlier this series, a development I will not object.

9:11: OBJECT! I OBJECT!!!! Rocco gets rung up and I strenuously object to the second strike. If Rocco came back from a crack induced mitochondrial disorder, then his story would be similar to Josh Hamilton. As it stands, I disagree.

9:15: Youkillis turned to object to a strike call and three sparrows flew out of his beard. He goes down and Evan Longoria shows us a defensive chink in his armour. When he throws across his body off one leg, he tends to bounce the throws. My advice, don't do that any more.

9:20: I noticed a brave soul sporting a Shane Victorino jersey in the crowd. Like I said, ya know he's trying to kick start a rivalry. PS. No questions asked I'd buy some fightin's merch.

9:33: An excuse me nets the Rays the tying run. Pedroia's rushed throw was just up the line which allowed Pena to score. He was chugging hard the whole way. Buck says that Yook believes he can catch anything he sees, I prefer to believe that he is a dangerously unbalanced human being. His beard-hole is always complaining or cursing about something.

9:40: Crawford strikes out to end the fourth with the game tied. The end of four means only one thing: Kanadian Kommercial Korner. More nightmare fuel from the Workerplace Safety and Insurance Board.

9:42: Empty seats! Everywhere empty seats! Seriously Tampa, hang your heads in shame. Is that the old leather-lunged Rays fan from the old days I hear? With a regular Trop crowd (nobody), you can hear nothing else. Alex Cora hears nothing just like Tony Soprano in the final episode, striking out on a nasty curveball. Middle of 5, tied at 1

9:48: After some nice stuff about Jon Lester's incredible comeback from disease, Willy Aybar proves to be freakishly strong. Actually, that little swing makes that crazy home run Manny hit in Chicago that much crazier. So Manny is freakishly strong, Jon Lester is a great story and Willy Aybar is a grown man named Willy.

9:51: Two men on after an apologetic infield hit by TFC. Rocco's up with two men on and nobody out. Rocco is better against righties because his an enigma wrapped in the powerhouse of the cell.

9:54: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Seeing eye single and I'll seeing eye see you in hell! TBS just found me in the crowd with my ROCCOTOBER sign. I'm embarrassed.

10:00: FISTED! B.J. Upton stretches out Cora with a jamshot, but the inning is over all the same. The Rocco's now lead 2-1. Between innings, I'm being treated to the the analyzings of soon to be free agent catcher Gregg Zaun. He interestingly points out that Jason Varitek was out of position on the Rays first run and should have protected the plate. I find it difficult to argue because thrown baseballs move faster than deteriorating catcher's limbs.

10:05: I think a Red Sox fan needs to explain to me what is so bad about Coco Crisp. He seems to have a pretty good eye, plays a mean CF, what's to hate? As I ask that question, he is put out 1-3 for the second time tonight.

10:10: Obviously Punt, Pass & Kick aren't reading this glog. It isn't Garza's work rate that determines his mental state, it is the viscosity of his saliva! Right now his loogies are long and liquid, just like his smooth delivery.

10:15: That inspirational at bat was long and hard like Dustin Pedroia's path to the big leagues. That shit is full circle, son. Right now, the only thing long and hard on David Ortiz is his ligament sheath, causing him decreased mobility and power. TOPICAL HUMOR DRIVES THE TRAFFIC

10:18: The Red Sox steal a play from the Angels dusty playbook and run themselves out of an inning. Either Dustin Pedroia got a terrible, god-awful jump or Dionner Navarro owns a cannon. The Fat-Armed Catcher clutched on the throw but got weeman by some distance. Inning over with Garza's pitch count over 100. Ride the bullpen roller coaster!

10:22: Kick Carey claims two consecutive balls were driven a mile high while Three Sport Star Carl Crawford merely strokes one to deep center. Quick half inning means we're through 6 with the Rays up 2-1

10:25: Next time the Red Sox are in town, I'm not going to boo Youkillis. I need to differentiate my dislike from those around me (all around me, the RSN really takes over that damned place) who are Yoooking him. B.J. Upton plays more of a deep short than a shallow centerfield.

10:30: Jason Bay isn't as concerned with the bizarre product smeared all over Garza's hat. Is that rosin? Aren't the Sox worried he may be cheating. The second hit of the night brings Professor Joe out for a dialogue. He needed to touch base before they moved forward proactively.

10:35: FISTED! That ball traveled a long way to for a fisting. Anything fisted that deep usually does a lot of damage.

10:37: The zombie Varitek gives us soem token hustle down the line after a feeble strikeout. Today was zombie walk day all over North America. Awesome! It's also time to stretch, allow me to present Florida's own Chuck Ragan growling acoustically.

10:43: The Tampa Bay Tater Rays strike again! William H. Aybar hits a big-time funny bone to extend the lead. Insurance runs make mealy mouthed bullpen ninnies feel a little better. Fire Joe Morgan doesn't agree with Punt Pass & Kick. Little guys help, but usually awesome guys step up.

10:46: Pass Darling insists that Rocco and Joe Dimaggio are one and the same because Rocco wears number 5. I'd say look slightly above the 5 to where the most Italian last name imaginable resides.

10:50: Skip Caray has already begun counting outs. That is poor form Kick, Rays fans won't take kindly to your brazen karma-bashing. Joe Maddon joins Skip on the bad karma train by pulling Rocco for defensive replacement Gabe Gross.

10:52: KARMA!! E-6.

10:55: Matt Garza was so good, he struck Sox out in a lot of varieties of ways, according to the balding Hawaiian. Dan Wheeler is in so strap in kids, the Rays bullpen is like Beyonce's thighs - a ticking timebomb.

11:00: Covelli provokes some profundity from uncle Skip: You give the Red Sox life, the Red Sox take the life away from you. That shit is deep, much like the shit in which Dan Wheeler is quickly sinking.

11:02: One high fly ball and one out. Gentleman Joe opts to play the numbers and calls for a lefty. Does that make Chad Bradford the de facto 9th inning closer? Maybe Maddon is so far ahead of the curve and all teams will do away with closers? That is just crazy enough to blow up in your face at the worst possible time.

11:05: The "Let's Go Rays" chant seems sloppy and unrehearsed. These neophytes are so cute.

11:08: Also sloppy and unrehearsed: JP Howell's desperate fail off the mound. Dude's mechanics aren't quite ideal. Oh no! Ron Darling caught Or-Teez fever also. Coco's mean streak may have been the difference between safe and out. Coco Crisp continues to confound.

11:12: How many pitchers does Joe Maddon employ? It's a one guy only approach all night long. Underhander Chad Bradford left his Ultimate game early to get out of this jam. Punt, Pass, & Kick discuss the relative merits of pinch running for Ortiz. I agree with Tito's wait and see.

11:17: NO PRESSURE, kid with fewer professional innings that Rays pitchers used tonight. Matt Garza's mouth is currently pastier than Chad Bradford's cracker ass. Gulp.

11:20: Joe Maddon and David Price pose for a picture:


Going to the bottom of 8 --3-1 Rays

11:25: During his at bat, the normal clutch JD Drew tried to spit but it ended up looking more like a whistle. The Matt Garzameter says: pissed jeans. Okajima's on for the Red Sox which is bad news for the Rays insurance brokers. I fear Coco has vertigo. He's always sliding to and fro, without any real purpose or direction.

11:28: Rays bullpen coach Bobby Ramos called down the dugout to see who Joe wanted to warm up next, Joe's response:


Bottom of ninth on the way!

11:31: This "bring in a can't-miss stud that nobody's seen before" just may catch on. Grant Balfour is warming in the pen, having just pissed all over a storybook.

11:34: Closers dont' walk. No coffee for Price. Mark Kotsay strikes out to bring up Varitek. Buck seems to forget that Tek isn't really a threat from either side of the plate anymore.

11:40: Straight nasty filth sends Varitek back to the Red Sox bench for perhaps the last time. My Garzometer says Price is cool. Pinch hitter Jed Lowrie grounds out and the RAYS HAVE WON THE AMERICAN LEAGUE PENNANT. BEWARE THE COMING APOCALYPSE!!! AHHH

11:42: None of this makes much sense. David Price is pretty good. The Rays are moshing all over the field while the crowd generally lose their shit. Will the unorthodox rays handle the cheesy AL trophy? I hope not, don't touch that shit, it means nothing to you!

11:45: Scoop Jackson is disappointed that Bossman Junior hustled in from centerfield to join the party. Carl Crawford nearly jumped OVER the pile, I bet he's a multi-sport star.

11:50: That's it for me. That was a relatively short well played game 7. Hope you had as much fun as I did. Good night kids

PHILLIES - RAYS WORLD SERIES. Eternal suffering versus constant sorrow - Who Ya Got???

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Real glogs're fer queers.

Bunting to lead off a game: also fer queers.

Oh my it's tater tot time in Tampa. Somebody wake up Dick Vitale.

Boston deserves this series. Their fans most of all.

Dustin's "Beard" is a bit queer as well. He's shorter than a 10 year old, it's just weird/wrong.

Pedroia is also balding already. Probably too many steroids pumping through that teensy body of his,

yeah Garza, brush that dancing queen off the plate.

Rocco is a legend, what a bloody trooper. Well done lad.

Kevin Youkilis is the Original Rump Shaker.

Do I watch another Boston comeback, or the Futurama movie?

Watch the Futurama movie three times because this game ain't gonna be over by that point.

Spoiler: the robot kills the one-eyed dame.

Get those cowbells workin', bitchez!

If Bender kills Leela I'm going to post every Survivor spoiler I can find.

Varitek's free agency mentioned: everybody take a shot.

Futurama is awesome in unnatural ways.

I am a huge Bender fan. Best. Robot. Ever.


Jon Lester's expression says he won't settle for anything less than perfection tonight. Just like the look on my face the other night when presented with a full rack of delicious baby back ribs.

Rob, you been here?

Best damn ribs in NYC.

I don't know how Dustin can concentrate on his at-bat with all the ball washing he's getting.

I don't know how I can focus on glogging when phillas and I are obviously of one mind

I could sense your disdain, LtB.

Dustin Pedroia is like a cheap dish of clams casino. Gritty and he'll make you puke.


I think Rocco has all his mitochondria stored in his cheek.

Tell Mrs. Lloyd that Jon Lester has her in mind when he decides to mow down every single human being wearing a Rays uniform tonight.

Rocco left his bat on his shoulder out of pity. I talk about him more than our unborn child, so he feels bad for her.

Drew Carey looks good, has he lost weight? Oh, that's Joe Maddon?

Can we start a petition to have Ron Darling replaced in the booth for next year's playoffs? Perhaps Steve Harvey will be free.

Longoria is ao counter-culture, he loves going the opposite way.

Evan's buying the next round!

Sure, but can that Rays fan throw to first when it matters?

Maybe I'm just afraid to be in hate.

No... no, I'm good there.

I hate Boomers so much for making me think about their penises six times an hour.

Esiason and Berman?

Freakier forehead: Christian Slater or Nic Cage?

I could watch that damn commercial all night

I could watch Brooke Shields all night.

Isn't Brooke Shields 52?

Brooke Shields is on Futurama?

The mitochondria pushed that foul.

Rocco's ribosomes came through!

Well, that was inevitable.

Another ball was 'fisted'. Take a shot.

I was just typing how I like Upton's swing.
Then he fists. And kills the mood/rally.

Brooke Shields in my mind is always at her sexiest: underage and naked in Blue Lagoon.

You usin' the whole bat there, Doc?

Fartie, I always thought you were more of a Christopher Atkins guy.

Christopher Cross is really my thing.

Pedroia tried some of that Irish step dancing to steal that base.

When you get caught between the moon and Tropicana... you know it's lazy, but it's Upton...

Didn't Christopher Cross used to perform in a Yankee jersey? Asshole.

I've had enough of this creep and his child-molesting umbrella.

Those new Volkswagon commercials aren't unfunny, I suppose. It was funny when her nubile form writhed about a tropical island too!

Ms. Wahoo just asked if James Woods was calling the game. Maybe she's reading Simmons' column.

Sharks and Rays? I'm drowning in oceanographic humor!

Enough with the 'fisted', Caray. Jesus, he must be a total pervert in the bedroom.

In the bedroom? Shit, I'd like to see a hand check in the booth right now.

Anything fisted that deep usually does a lot of damage.

Especially without a proper manicure.

When there's a deep deep itch, you need to scratch.


Turn your head and cough, Lester; you just got Big Willie Style'd.

Oh those were FAKE zombies? Excuse me, I think me and my shotgun need to flee the country.

-Iracane, you killed the zombie Reyes!

-He was a what now?

Little guys help, but usually awesome guys step up.

Tell that to Alex Rodriguez, ho ho.

Good pitching Thurston

Coco Crisp, breaking up non-double plays since nineteen ninety nine.

Crisp missed the bag by near a country mile, I reckon.

Greek god of Gyrating

Take it from a former fan: nice call on Bradford, asshole Rays.

Lo! A walk! How did Yook ever hold up on that heater?

Carousel of Relievers, with your host Joe Maddon!

Dozens upon dozens of St. Petersburgians are raising the proverbial roof.

St. Petersburgers? St. Petersburgites?

I think David Price may have a future

Leningraduates. Settled.

The Price is right back on the mound.

I'm an impartial observer, but that check swing call was horseshit

There's nothing impartial about your love for Rocco.

Varitek: swinging for his supper.

Nothing impartial or wholesome.


There is quite a tangle of mohawks and wristbands on the field right now.

Have a heart for chrissakes, kwsn.

The only team we're allowed to taunt on this website is the Mets.

Liberty Bells vs. Cowbells

Rob: I'm sorry.

To Boston: you had a nice run. Too bad the raypoclipse came through.

Craig Sager is InterviewBot2000. He's got the charisma of a silent fart.

Thanks, Lloyd!

I am sure the Red Sox will be comforted by their two titles in 4 years, perennial playoff appearances and historically significant ball park.

Thanks for breathing life into the comments my friends.

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