Welcome back, folks! It's the bottom of the sixth, Grant Balfour is on the mound, Charlie Manuel is deciding on a pinch hitter, and Overmanagin' Joe Maddon has scripted his plans for the remainder of the game as if there were some Euripidean tragedy (hint: it's not Euripidean, it's got more Sophoclean irony than anything).
Consider yourself lucky if you're reading this glog and watching the game because most folks just don't care. That's their problem, though, because this World Series has been fun and competitive, despite the weather delays and low ratings. Low ratings? Who cares! Not my money!
If you missed Monday night's action and need to catch up, take a peek at this epic liveglog with some of the best comments we've ever received. Enough chit-chat! Let's get to it, gloggers!
8:30PM: Well that was some moving piece of Obamapropaganda! What, you couldn't afford to broadcast that in high definition? Enough politickin', let's see some baseball!
8:33PM: Eat shit, Jeanne Zelasko, we don't need no stinkin' pre-game show tonight. If I never have to hear Eric Karros' speech impediment again, I'll be a happy boy.
8:36PM: The difference really is drinkability. Because the quality I look for in beer is the speed at which I can pour it down my esophagus.
8:39PM: Okay, it's Geoff Jenkins. I was completely wrong.
8:42PM: The moment has already passed but I just want to let you know that I think Charlie Manuel sent Jenkins up there with the expectation that Maddon would pull Balfour and bring in a lefty, at which point Manuel would pinch hit with a righty. Doesn't matter now because Jenkins just doubled.
8:45PM: Yes, the bunt was perfect but that doesn't mean the idea of bunting was perfect. It's only the sixth inning! And the best Phillies hitters are up!
8:48PM: According to Fangraphs, Geoff Jenkins increased the Phillies' odds of winning by 9% and Jimmy Rollins' sac bunt decreased the Phillies' odds of winning by 1%. Iwamura just increased the odds that Joe Maddon gets agita by 150%. 3-2 Phillies.
8:50PM: In other news, Joe Maddon actually undermanaged for once in his life. Shoulda brought in that lefty, you hipster doofus!
8:53PM: Howell struck out Utley in Game Three, but Utley singled off him in Game One.
8:54PM: Howell wins again. Here comes Ryan Howard, who doesn't stand a ghost of a chance. He's struck out twice in two at-bats against Howell. Werth scampers down to second.
8:56PM: No time for clever inning graphics tonight, Dr. Jones. Let's get this game moving to the seventh inning!
8:59PM: Cole Hamels wants perfection. Who can blame him? He's been the most valuable Phillies player since August.
9:00PM: Madson picks up the inside corner and sends Navarro back to the dugout. Hey, it's Rocco time!
9:01PM: Rocco just tied this sucker up. Somewhere, someone is giddy on Bloor Street. 3-3 tie.
9:03PM: That tenuous one run lead didn't last very long. Maybe next time, Charlie Manuel won't give away outs so freely.
9:05PM: Anyone else just get the feeling that we may be seeing nine innings of baseball tonight after all? No? Just me?
9:07PM: Leave Rocco's mitochondria alone, Joe Buck! Hey, it's lefty and former Twin J.C. Romero.
9:08PM: WOW WHAT A PLAY BY UTLEY!
9:10PM: I just realized that it is impossible to predict what's going to happen in baseball. This eye-opening moment has been brought to you by red wine, getting Rob Iracane drunk since 1997.
9:12PM: Pat Burrell's leadoff double just led to at least 37 impregnations in the Delaware Valley.
9:15PM: Change pitchers all you want, Joe Maddon! I've got all the time in the world tonight!
9:17PM: Eat shit, McCarver, there's no way Pat Burrell triples on that one. News flash: he WAS hustling his buns. Kid's just slow!
9:18PM: Charlie Manuel continues to give up outs for runner advancement. Heck, even McCarver called him out on it!
9:20PM: Okay, Shane Victorino grounds out but advances the runner. I approve begrudgingly.
9:21PM: Send this to the outfield and you will be a hero in Philadelphia, Pedro Feliz.
9:22PM: Best case scenario: there is one run scored in every half inning tonight with the final run scored in a shrimp situation.
9:23PM: Iwamura does his best Chase Utley impression and snags Feliz at second.
9:25PM: Charlie Manuel totally hearts J.C. Romero because why else would he let the guy bat in that situation? Neutralize those lefties, or face the ire of a million angry Philadelphians, Mr. Romero.
9:27PM: The Phillies' win probability is back up to 74% after the run. Let's see what Romero can do to move that number, one way or another.
9:29PM: Carl Crawford giveth, B.J Upton taketh away. Shame, he's my favorite Emerging Young Star in baseball! The GIDP gives the Phillies a huge injection in WPA.
9:31PM: Inexplicably, Pena flies out to left after going ahead 3-0. I don't get this game, not one bit. Things is crazy, y'all.
9:33PM: Folks, if your friends or family members aren't watching right now, tell them what they're missing, and get them to turn on the game. Unless, of course, they're in jail.
9:36PM: Joe Maddon double switches Carlos Pena right outta the game. Hey, it's Baseball Obama!
9:38PM: Baseball Obama gets Rollins to fly out. Hey, a montage of Philadelphia sports championship droughts! TIMELY!
9:40PM: Jonah Keri informs me that Baseball Obama's favorite book is Charlotte's Web. Hey, they can't all be Rhodes Scholars.
9:42PM: Chase Utley finagles a walk. Nothing is automatic, says Joe Buck. THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY!
9:44PM: Utley steals a base with ease, but again: Ryan Howard doesn't hit lefties, so the stolen bases mean nothing.
9:46PM: If anyone says something dumb like "Brad Lidge is under more pressure because he's been perfect all season," I am going to shit a brick and then throw the brick through my TV set.
9:48PM: I'm being completely straightforward when I praise FOX for giving us a brief glimpse at each batter's record against Lidge. Good work.
9:50PM: Longoria pops out. One down.
9:52PM: Navarro sacrifices the lumber and loops a single to right. Columbia University alum Fernando Perez will pinch run and Ben Zobrist will pinch hit. TENUOUS!
9:54PM: Perez is fast, and smart.
9:56PM: Jayson proves his Werth by being in the right (field) place at the right time. Zing!
9:58PM: It all comes down to Eric Hinske. Just like everything else in Joe Maddon's life.
10:00PM: It's all over now, Baby Blue! PHILLIES ARE WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!
10:01PM: I LOVE THE PHANATIC!
10:02PM: HOW DO YOU LIVE LIKE THIS, PHILLIES FANS?!?!?
10:04PM: Well, that'll just about do it for liveglogs this year. Thanks so very much to our readers and commenters. You guys make this stuff happen. Without you, this blog would have ended in March.