Weekend Answers to Questions Nobody Asked

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sweepingbaby.jpgEach weekend during the playoffs, I'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked or ever would ask. This could be fun and uninformative or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

Our first elimination! The curse-busting Cubs are now cursing the bus taking them back to Wrigley for Clean Out Your Locker Day. Hold the ticker tape. The Dodgers came out on top in a well-pitched game that sends them to the next round. 3-1 was your final last night, and 3-0 goes the sweep. The Milwaukee Brewers finally got a good start from somebody not named CC Sabathia, and live to play another day. 4-2 4-1 was the final after a wacky ninth inning.

Weekend mornings don't often find us with the clearest of minds, and I'm not as astute as Rob, so my morning questions will skew more towards "the human condition" rather than "baseball". Rhetoric ho!

  • How many Brewers fans should feel good after staying alive last night? I think I'll have to use a fraction on this one. Salamon Torres came in to close out a game that, had the Brewers not stranded 20 base runners during the game, would have been well out of reach. 2 minutes later, Torres loaded the bases and was yet to retire a soul. He got the ground ball he needed and help from Shane VIctorino to ensure the gimmie run wasn't even given. A win is a win, but that was too much for a cheese-addled heart.

  • Did Shane's double earflap helmet impede blood flow to his brain? Oh no questions asked. What possible excuse could Shane Victorino offer for not sliding? Rolling block, at least bust out the rolling block. You can't just run over the shortstop, you just CAN'T! Not only did it take a run off the board, it also stretched my credulity to the point of pain.

  • Would this be a good time to belittle the Cubs fan in my family and/or on legal defence team? Probably not. Anniversaries may seem like a great time to exercise old demons, but they mostly just remind you how long things have been shitty.

  • Who should carry the burden of the Cubs defeat? Alfonso Soriano wasn't the only Cub to struggle, but 1 total base in 3 playoff games is bad enough to attract attention. 1 for 14 from the guy entrusted with the most plate appearances? You get The Playoff Gas Face Alfonso.

  • Does anybody want to play the Dodgers? Not likely. A few extra days rest will allow them to set their top-loaded rotation and rest their excellent bullpen. So long as they keep the geriatrics on the bench, their young lineup doesn't have many holes. A short series could erase the memory of a middling season in a lackluster division.
Three more games today, three more chances for postmortem teasing. Live glogs, antiglogs, semiglogs; you never know what might come your way.

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Oh no! Questions asked!

And you can't un-ask them.

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