Weekend Answers to Questions Nobody Asked

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sunrise.jpgEach weekend during the playoffs, I'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked or ever would ask. This could be fun yet uninformative or this could be painful and still information-free. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

Before the questions I'd like to give extra special Cokes and cookies to Tuffy for donning the restrictive padding of a glogblazer when he thought he had an easy night of chilling on the right field line ahead. He was a regular Matt Stairs facing the Borxton-esque heat of TBS's incompetence.

For a game with numerous wacky incidents, not that much happened. TBS 'sploded and an umpire became a creampuff, all the while Josh Beckett just kept his game together. Eerie. Your questions, gentlefolk.

  • Do we dare to call shenanigans on the umpire change? No. That would be hysterical and pointless. We'll let Simmons steal from us, we won't borrow a page out of his dog-eared playbook. Though I did agree with Ron Darling's suggestion to let crew chief Tim McClelland work the plate for game 7. I'm sure they'll figure something out.

  • Can I have some of whatever Bossman Junior ordered? Make it a double. Dude is ON FIRE in the playoffs, nearly equaling his disappointing season total. As Beckett's control improved he had Upton swinging at bad pitches, but B.J. sends any mistakes towards the rafters.

  • Would you pay one red cent for those ubercrappy nosebleeds? No way. The TBS team went to great lengths to showcase how terrible the recently untarped seats are without actually going up there. Those steps are STEEP. No union rep would allow a production team up that high.

  • Is Jon Lester v. Matt Garza match up a glimpse at the future of the American League? Who cares? Game 7 is tonight, not in the future! The improbable Red Sox could make their swollen fan base even more insufferable, simultaneously embittering the burgeoning Rays diehards! It's the perfect storm of doucheosity! But mostly it's a game 7! AHHHH!!!!
Well tonight certainly won't be dull. Not with [checks notes, shuffles paper] a WoWie here to glog it to death for us. I'll be back this afternoon to help you waste your Sunday away. GAME 7 hooray!

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Kill it with fire!

Cokes and cookies for Tuffy?! That's one helluva sugar rush.

Walkoff Walk is the seventh-highest cause of diabetes in bloggers. (The first six involve deep-fried Twinkies.)

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