Why the Tampa Bay Devil Rays Will Win the World Series

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We here at Walkoff Walk pretend to know everything about baseball, but when it comes to blatant homerism, we know nothing past the Yankees and Red Sox. Therefore, we've enlisted David Chalk of Bugs & Cranks to talk up the Rays and their chances of winning the whole stick of butter. He insisted on calling them the "Devil Rays" so don't blame me for the misnomer.

So David, why will the Devil Rays win it all?

First off -- I want to congratulate the Phillies and their fans for a terrific season that for all intents and purposes ended last Wednesday. What a run you've had, reaching the apex of Philadelphia sports achievement, a losing appearance in the final round of the postseason. As long as no Phillie player vomits on the field during the World Series, they will have given a better account of themselves than Donovan McNabb.

If the Phillies were playing almost any other American League squad in the World Series, they would deservedly be heavy underdogs. How much more so then when they are not playing just any team from a league far superior to their own, but playing the greatest team in baseball this year and perhaps any year, the mighty Tampa Bay Devil Rays?

Certainly, it has taken some people a long time to realize how awesome the Devil Rays are. In March 2007, when I was encouraging people "to join me early here on the Devil Rays Recreational Vehicle of Dynastic Destiny," I heard from a lot of doubters and haters. Before spring training, I went team by team through all 29 other clubs, and showed how not one was shit compared to our Devil Rays, and surprisingly some people still remained unconvinced. But I'll try one more time to throw out a few of the countless reasons our beloved Devil Rays will be World Champions.

You don't have a team as good as the Devil Rays -- a MLB-best 104 wins this year -- come as close to seeing their season end as they did in the ALCS, and come out flat in the World Series.

Did you watch any of those games in Boston last week? Longoria, Upton and Pena averaged 7 home runs per game -- you think Fat Joe Blanton and Jamie Lee Curtis Moyer are gonna be able to keep them in that ridiculous bandbox stadium they have in Philly?

Cliff Floyd guaranteed a Devil Ray world title when the playoffs began. Nate Silver put our odds at over 90%. Rob Iracane predicted a Devil Rays over Cubs World Series a few weeks ago.

The Phillies had a 7-day layoff -- that didn't help the fluketastic Rockies or the Tigers the last two years.

We're too deep in every facet of the game -- offense, defense, starting pitching, bullpen, speed, power.

And again, the Phillies haven't won anything. They've been handed two straight division titles by the Mets. They had a first-round bye against the worn-out Brewers. They got to skip the Cubs and face one of the chokingest postseason managers in the history of baseball.

Somebody might want to play the impact of the Philly fans -- but just like you saw in Wrigley this year, you take an accursed fan base and as soon as they get hit in the mouth once you get the here-we-go-again effect. That's what a 25-year drought'll do to you. And 25 teams times 4 sports, that's 100 seasons too.) The faithful of Devil Ray Town don't have that problem. The ALCS has demonstrated once again that this team can and will come back from anything -- if it should somehow freakishly get to that point.

But come on, honestly -- this wasn't a serious question, it was a goof, right? Y'all watch baseball?

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I'm not sure whether to press the "meta", "ironic", or "whimsy" button, and if I press more than one, they get stuck.

2002-03 Bucs
2003-04 Lightning
2008 Rays?

Is Tampa now "title town?"

Only if they play a bunch of schlubs from Philly.

Fine, but what about the ratings?

Chief, what about ugly big women outside of Pittsburgh?


Jamie Lee Curtis Moyer is gonna rub its genitalia all over your face for this one, David.

Oh my god, Fartie is the Highlander!

2007? Freaking fair weather fan. Baseball Prospectus and Baseball America (as well as Rob Neyer) have been touting the Rays' depth and predicted their rise to eminence since 2005/2006. Though they didn't expect it till 2009/2010.

My ass has been unashamedly parked on this bandwagon since May.

Y'all watch baseball?

Nah, I just read stat print outs.


But do your farts smell like haggis?

Hmmmm haggis.

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