November 2008 Archives

• WILL any of our holiday or post-holiday eating/groaning/grinning be interrupted by some actual hot stove news? At least it'll give you something to talk about with your family. C'mon baseball, we're dyin' here!


• ARE you doing any traveling? For a long cold weather drive I suggest Blood On The Tracks, The Red Letter Day EP, The Execution of All Things, and North Star Deserter. Or anything by Johnny Cash.


• WHERE are we having our Walkoff Walk Spring Training Kool-Aid Party?


• STUFFING in the bird or separate?


• HOW many MLB teams could beat the Detroit Lions tomorrow. At football.


• WHO invented instant replay?


• PECAN or pumpkin?


• WILL you save a slice of pie for your favorite Baseball and Costumed Baby Blog editors? We'll be over around 7. Rob is bringing his girl, I'm bringing a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

Ever since our heroes Rinku and Dinesh signed their first professional contract with the Pirates on Monday, they've had to endure a whirlwind of media attention and interview requests. They're no longer merely stars in their homeland of India; they're worldwide celebs now! Today, NPR, tomorrow, Oprah!

There have been dozens of news items published about the pair since Monday. Columnists from St. Louis to Mumbai have commented on the historic signing, and the baseballblogosphere is absolutely agog.

If I had to guess, ESPN should be showing their Rinku and Dinesh featurette on "Outside the Lines" next Sunday. I can picture it now: fatheaded Bob Ley will probably talk to their publicist Jeff Bernstein (JB sir) live, via satellite, and bring on another voice to decry the internationalization of America's pasttime. I wonder if Ken Slate is telegenic. Probably not.

But with all of this attention come roadblocks and pitfalls. Dinesh writes:

Since news of signing with Pittsburgh Pirates, Rinku and I saying many interviews.

We like talk with reporter and see they write about us, but we always hoping that reporter would be talking slower so it is more easy for us to understand. I am think that we are sounding bad, but JB, sir says we are doing good job of talking. We practiced for 2 hours with JB, Sir tonight.

Don't worry about struggling with your English, friends. Emmitt Smith can barely read at a third grade level or speak without tripping over his words and, yet, he is actually paid to talk about sports on the biggest sports network on television. Rinku and Dinesh are probably three months away from surpassing Smith's vocabulary anyway.

Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

• Andy Pettitte Talks to Joe Torre About Something Other Than His Faith: Little Kenny Rosenthal says that Yankee pitcher Andy Pettitte has been chit-chatting with his former skipper Joe Torre about possibly heading out to L.A. next season and pitching for the Dodgers. Joe, leave the Pettitte, take the cannolis.
  
  
• Marlins Get Good Stadium News...Sort Of: The Miami Marlins new 37,000 seat retractable roof stadium is going to be built, which is good. But it won't open until 2012, which is bad. But it's going to have a cuban sandwich vendor, which is good. But the cuban sandwiches won't be made to order, which is bad. But the restrooms are going to be very spacious, which is good. But the ladies' restrooms will be haunted, which is bad.
  
  
• Rocco Baldelli Wins Tony Conigliaro Award, Tony Conigliario Wins Gold Glove in Heaven: Rocco Baldelli's struggles with mitochondrial disorder are paying off! Since he was able to overcome his illness and kick the shit of the baseball in the playoffs, the good folks at the Boston Baseball Writers Association decided that Baldelli was just a little bit more deserving that someone else who overcame something lame, like cancer. Sorry, Doug Davis!!!
  
  
• Padres Entire Organization in Disarray, Says Mystery Man: An anonymous industry executive throws the entire Padres organization under the bus, especially G.M. Kevin Towers. He sez: "Special assistant Paul DePodesta, the former Los Angeles Dodgers GM, reports not to Towers but directly to CEO Sandy Alderson and must sign off on player moves." Burn!

• SHOULD Barry Bonds be excited that 3 charges against him have been dropped? Well he still faces 12 more, so I'd keep the good champagne on ice.


• IS an autographed car the dumbest piece of memorabilia ever? That's where your Detroit bailout money is going.


• IS Thanksgiving your favorite holiday? It's mine. I just wish Burger King had some sort of turkey dish. I hate breaking tradition, especially when I'm alone.

Via our good friends at The 700 Level and Philadelphia Will Do, we bring you the faux documentary about the magical Hatfield hot dog gun at Citizens Bank Park.

Look out, Maude Flanders!

The blustery blabbermouths at radio station WEEI in Boston reported today that the Red Sox offered veteran catcher and team captain Jason Varitek a piddling one-year deal at a presumed cut-rate salary. MLB.com picked up the story and it was the number one item on the front page of their website yesterday. Neither source could get a comment from Varitek's main cog and representative, super agent Scott Boras.

The folks at the Boston Globe's Extra Bases blog, however, cashed in one of their Boras Bucks and got the alleged info from Scotty:

Scott Boras, the representative for free agent Jason Varitek, told the Globe's Nick Cafardo this afternoon that the Red Sox have not begun any negotiations with the 36-year-old catcher.

What does this all mean? Someone's lying. Most likely, it's the Red Sox whose pants are on fire. Their best interests are in keeping news on the hush-hush and rumors quashed like so many bugs underfoot.

In the end, the only way both parties can be happy is if Varitek goes back to the Sox. I'm not going out on a limb here by saying that there is a very tiny chance 'Tek gets signed by another team; his entire existence is defined by being the Red Sox catcher and captain, and if the Sox ever want to break in a catching prospect, what better way than learning from Varitek?

He won't get Posada money ($13 million a year) and he won't get four years, but for a ridiculously wealthy team like Boston, isn't $10 million a year for two years worth it? At his advanced age, it's kind of hard to predict how he'll perform next year, but Fangraphs has both Bill James and Marcel projections for Varitek in '09:

• James: 395 AB, .238 BA, .334 OBP, .392 SLG
• Marcel: 429 AB, .233 BA, .325 OBP, .385 SLG

Erm...maybe he's not worth $10 million a year. At least those projected numbers are an improvement over his miserable 2008 stats. Still, I predict the Sox will work something out with Varitek, if only to keep his leadership and his, ahem, intangibles.

Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

• Rockies Rescue Don Baylor from Soup Line: Colorado manager Clint Hurdle tabbed former Colorado manager Don Baylor as his hitting instructor, as Hurdle seeks to improve his team's offense back to a 2007 level. Remember 2007? When the Rockies got hot hot hot in September and October and magically made the World Series? Yeah, that lasted.
  
  
• Atlanta Puts Out Feelers for A.J. Burnett, Hypersensitive Burnett Recoils at Slightest Human Touch: Perhaps this is a case of the tail wagging the dog, because this rumor came from Darek Braunecker, Burnett's agent. Sure, why wouldn't Darek want to expand the list of suitors for his number one client? Also, why wouldn't Darek want to file a claim with the Social Security Office changing his name to the more accepted spelling of "Derek"?
  
  
• Mel Stottlemyre and Lee Elia Take Don Baylor's Place on Soup Line: New Mariners skipper Don "Waka" Wakamatsu gave Stottlemyre and Elia the ol' pink slip yesterday, saying that he wanted to hire a new pitching coach and hitting coach for the struggling Seattle squadron. With Elia gone, who is going to yell expletives at Adrian Beltre? Oh right, the fans.
  
  
• Yankees Supposed Deadline for Signing Sabathia is a Red Herring: The good folks at Was Watching (a Yankees blog whose name I still don't understand) note that the Hal Steinbrenner-issued ultimatum was just a bunch of malarkey and then ponder the question, "What about the tax liabilities?" See, CC Sabathia just bought a house in California. If he lives out there and works in NYC, will he have to pay significantly more taxes than if he lived and worked in California?

That's a screenshot of MLB.com as of 7:30PM EST, displaying our Indian heroes in all their glory. They're the top story because Pittsburgh Pirates general manager Neal Huntington has made it official: Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel are now professional baseball players.

"The Pirates are committed to creatively adding talent to our organization," general manager Neal Huntington said in a statement. "By adding these two young men, we are pleased to not only add two prospects to our system but also hope to open a pathway to an untapped market.

"We are intrigued by Patel's arm strength and Singh's frame and potential," he continued. "These young men have improved a tremendous amount in their six-month exposure to baseball, and we look forward to helping them continue to fulfill their potential."

Still no update to the blog, but the Twitter feed posted a link to the MLB.com story. Which, I suppose, is pointless because the only people who follow 'mdollararm' on Twitter are Walkoff Walk readers.

Here's what the Pittsburgh Pirates blogosphere has to say about the move:

Bucs Dugout:

Expect some serious mental errors if and when they play minor league ball for the Pirates. One scout quoted in the article gives both of them a good chance of making the majors, but I don't think that will happen. Really, this is about establishing a presence in a region where talent might emerge later.

Where Have You Gone, Andy Van Slyke? (comment by 'Emma'):

After reading their blog I've moved from bemusement to unadulterated adoration. I'M IN LOVE.

That's exactly how we feel, Emma.

Hey kids, everybody is interesting for an hour, but few people can last more than two.

• WILL Rinku and Dinesh be announcing their big news on the blog tonight? Or will they tweet the news? Or will we find out like every other idiot does in the USA Today tomorrow morning?
  
  
• WHAT exactly is the strategy here for the Pirates? First they get Mpho Ngoepe from South Africa, then Rinku and Dinesh from India. What's next for Neal Huntington? A left fielder from Burundi?
  
  
• WHY did I resign as combudsman? Because I love my WoWies more than anything in the whole wide world.
  
  
• HOW dumb is Brian Sabean for signing another middle infielder on his career decline? It's only two years and $9 million per, but really, it's Edgar Renteria, a guy you want for his bat and not his glove, playing in a severe pitchers park.

Good night and good luck.

My favorite new Japanese baseball blog NPB Tracker has the biggest and best news of the week: the Pittsburgh Pirates have signed our favorite Indian contest winners Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel to minor league contracts! Hopefully, this means they'll participate in the Pirates minor league camp next spring and try out for one of the low A teams. With the sorry state of that franchise, Rinku and Dinesh are automatically the most talented pitching prospects in the entire organization.

As you know, Rinku and Dinesh won the Million Dollar Arm contest on Indian TV by displaying awesome arm strength and a desire to become baseball players. They've spent the last nine months in California learning the rules of the game and, most importantly, how to throw fastballs and brushback pitches. Their blog has been a constant source of amusement to us, and their recent audition for major league scouts even caught the attention of mainstream media publications.

The news was published on Yahoo! Japan, so I have no idea what the details are, because Google Translate has trouble with words like "Dinesh" and "slider".

Still, this is a major event for Rinku, Dinesh, JB sir, their truck-driving fathers, and Camp Tiger Claw. Sorry, Ken Slate, outsourcing is here to stay.

Seriously. Before we go any further, please read this. In its entirety.

Finished? Ok, let's talk about what a giant turd Ken Slate of The Warren Reporter is.

I don't think there is any other way to do this than to break it down, by paragraph. So let's go.

Several weeks ago, I got up around 6 a.m. and, following my normal routine, made a cup of coffee, sat down at the computer and signed onto Yahoo to check out the baseball news. What I found set me back on my heels: a news report of two Indian pitchers -that's pitchers from India- who were brought to a Tempe, Ariz. sports clinic for a Major League tryout.

He left, "taking my foot off a black guy's throat" out of his normal routine.

Foreign guys playing baseball set him back on his heels, even though his fat bathrobed ass is already poured into a computer chair. We're only to assume he's sitting in one of these

If you ever need proof that someone is completely out of touch, check to see if -they use dashes instead of commas and use four letter state abbreviations. How bout that Louisiana Purchase!-

Back to the scathing racism.

Let me say right off that I have nothing personal against Indians in general or Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel in particular.

When most people say "the O Word" it's because they don't want to say orgasm in front of their kids. Ken Slate has never been in the same room as either an orgasm or a child*.

He's back on his heels! His head is now reeling! It's like Glass Joe is writing this column. Our beloved author is now DEPRESSED because foreigners are playing what he claims to be his beloved sport. The grand sport of Clemente, Marichal and APPROXIMATELY 36 MILLION LATIN PLAYERS SINCE 1970 is now being infiltrated by people that weren't born in New Jersey. I think someone just unfroze Ken Slate and he has yet to take his ten minute piss on Walt Disney.

Ok. Time for the superlong unformatted paragraph -sign number two of a batshit crazy old man on the keyboard.-

Truth be told, we brought this development on ourselves. America's generosity and love of the game saw us wanting to share our national past-time overseas. According to MLB.com, American teams first visited Japan in 1908 and the success of the sport there resulted in its expansion by the Japanese to Korea and China. In recent years, American baseball teams have played regularly before foreign audiences, thereby expanding the overseas fan base exponentially. Earlier this year when the Boston Red Sox opened their season against the Oakland Athletics, both teams traveled to Tokyo and played their series opener before a crowd of 44,628.

Do you hear that America? It's our fault. Instead of putting a lead shield over all of our baseball fields as Ken Slate suggested back in 1929, we had to share this game. And now we're paying the price of increased competition.

Last year, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice appointed Cal Ripkin, Jr. a Special Sports Envoy, his mission being to promote baseball around the world. And Ripkin is not our first representative to showcase our national past-time to the world. Since 2006, the Detroit Tigers' young center fielder Curtis Granderson, one of the game's most visible stars, has traveled to Africa, Europe and China as part of major league baseball's ambassador program; he's also a member of an international delegation trying to convince the International Olympic Committee (IOC) to re-introduce baseball to the summer games. Furthering that effort are the many countries outside America that have active baseball leagues; the IOC decision will be made next year.

You can't even spell Ripken, you tremendous dink.

But back to Rinku and Dinesh. I don't expect them to hold out for salaries equivalent to marquee players like A-Rod, Jeter or Manny. To the contrary, we've seen over the past 60 years that what used to be manufactured in America has moved overseas because foreign nationals are willing to work for less than their American counterparts. After all, when work is scarce, people will accept low wages to feed their families. Is it too farfetched to think that owners of American baseball teams, in an effort to curtail the greed of their players for higher and higher salaries, might seize the opportunity to cut payroll by moving overseas? Don't be surprised to see the Detroit Tigers move to India and be renamed the Bengal Tigers, followed by the Kerala Indians, New Delhi Nationals, Madras Cobras and others. Eventually, we'll outsource the whole sport. If you think I'm losing my marbles to suggest this, consider any recent trip to a baseball game you might have made with your family. Did you first stop off at the bank for a loan? Add to the cost of traveling to the ballpark that of tickets, food and souvenirs and you've got a major-league outlay. And with some seats at the new Yankees Stadium going for as much as $2,500 per game (Hurry! Only a few left) and the Mets at $495 for their best seats, it might work out cheaper to head to Kennedy Airport, grab a flight on Air India and enjoy our national past-time there. Watching from your choice seats at New Delhi's Ambedkar Stadium, you can munch on a bag of crispy bhel puri, washing it down with a cold bottle of Belo beer. Life doesn't get much better than that in India. If you have the time, you might also stop off at the tailor for a custom suit or two, or have major surgery performed at discount prices. After several days of Indian baseball, you could take the family on a tour of the whole country for not much more than it presently costs to attending several games here. Is this is a fantasy scenario of baseball's future? Only time will tell. Send comments to tedslate@yahoo.com.

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WHY DID MY GRANDPA HAVE TO DIE BUT YOU'RE STILL ALIVE YOU'RE TERRIBLE.

At least he left his email address. I'm going to do my part by emailing him this post.

*by law

Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

• Red Sox and Braves Line Up to Tick Off Entire Country of Japan: Boston and Atlanta have allegedly made contract offers to Junichi Tazawa, the 22-year-old Japanese fella who has rejected the NPB and sought out riches in the West. Relations between Japan and the U.S. haven't been this contentious since the great schoolgirl panty shortage of nineteen dickety seven.
  
  
• Meanwhile, Other Japanese Players Spurn MLB, Dress Up as Bees: Yu Darvish, who was notably missing from our NPB roundup last week, has reiterated his lack of interest in crossing the Pacific by showing up at the Nippon Ham Fighters Fan Festival dressed as a bee.
  
  
• Trevor Hoffman Becomes Latest Answer For Omar Minaya's Shitty Bullpen Problems: The Mets are allegedly moving away from top-of-the-line closers like Frankie Rodriguez and focusing on 41-year-old Trevor Hoffman to solve their relief woes. They are also looking to bring on Huston Street as a set-up man. In other words, the Mets bullpen at new Citi Field just imploded itself.
  
  
• Billingsley Trips on a Crack, Breaks His Mother's Back: Actually, Dodgers ace pitcher Chad Billingsley slipped on some ice outside his house in Reading, PA and broke his own dumb leg. He had a metal plate inserted in there during surgery and is expected to return in time for spring training. Hey, Bud Selig wants to know if that's a performance-enhancing plate.

Hey kids, you put the Gin in Gingivitis.

• ARE you glad MLB will never have a rain shortened postseason game?


• IT'S ok, to be sad about George Steinbrenner having to officially transfer control of the Yankees, right? He always drove me nuts, but was nothing less than a worthy adversary.


• ARE you curious whether Curt Schilling will pitch in 2009? Me either. He can't even make it into Old Knives.

Have a good weekend, friends. Same WoW channel.

(Corey Haim photo stolen from the LIFE Magazine archives at Google Images)

The libelous and conjecture-filled offseason is in full swing and the Dutch Ovens are steaming! From every good Hot Stove comes a delicious Hot Knife, guaranteed to make your thinking hazy and unclear. There is a chance that Hot Knives will mess you up like a bad accident. The Old Knives Report is more like that episode of Roseanne where they found some old pot, got high and freaked out over how weird it was. Moral: the old shit still packs a punch.

We here at Walkoff Walk will pack the hole in our crystal ball with some gum and electrical tape and look beyond the Hot Stove. The Hot Knives Report will evaluate the on- and off-field impact of trades and signings (both real and conjured) to teams too busy with their new toys to worry about the cost.

Today we look to the future by looking to the past: which old buzzard will help your club become eligible for the post season and AARP assistance.

The first name on our list is Randy Johnson. He's first on our list because he is by far the best oldie still showing these whippersnappers a thing or two. Dave Cameron of Fangraphs sums his qualifications up thusly:

8.46 K/9, 6th best in NL | 2.15 BB/9, 11th best in NL | 3.9 K/BB, 3rd best in NL | 3.76 FIP, 15th best in NL |

Or, if you prefer, his closest comparable pitcher in the NL this year was Cole Hamels - their walk rates are nearly identical, Johnson's got a slightly higher K/9, and Hamels has a slightly lower HR/9, but the final product is almost exactly the same.

Johnson pitched 184 innings last year and called a very cozy ballpark home. In other words, Randy can still compete. Since no human alive can resist the promise of balloons and cake, you should know he's just 5 wins short of 300 and 211 Ks shy of 5000! Party time!

Unlike some scared little girls, he has no problem going to the American League and hosing down his driveway with the big boys. Any team with a hole in their rotation and a dream of competing could use the Big Unit. The Cubs have shown interest, as have the Dodgers. The Diamond Backs may keep his canasta group together, while the Jays and Rays could provide an indoor stadium to warm his joints and an outside shot at contending.

Even older guy Jamie Moyer is also a free agent, though the list of places he could land is much shorter. An area with high levels of smoke and/or mirrors is most suitable to his needs. Moyer won 16 games and a World Series title, but his K/BB rate was among the lowest of his endless career while his strand rate was among the highest. Apparently the man wants a multi-year deal, which is astounding. Only two tortoises are racing for Jamie's affections, with the Phillies holding a distinct edge over the Mariners.

The Ghost of Pedro Martinez is available and looking for work, and if your team is desperately low in the comic relief department, he might be a good fit. If you need someone to pitch though, dear God look elsewhere. Poor little Pedro, so mind-bendingly good for so long. The Ks are down, the walks are up, he can't keep people off the basepaths and the ball in the stadia. The Mets and maybe even the Astros are interested, which is really too bad. Retire with dignity Petey, you were one of the greats. Oh and Tiny Tim, watch very, very carefully what is happening to this man at this age.

A different kind of old guy is Trevor Hoffman. Only pitching one inning a night at the age of 40 may sound better, but there aren't too many teams looking to hand him the keys to the 9th inning. Most of Hoffman's numbers for 2008 look pretty good but one: home runs allowed. He allowed tater tots on 13% of his flyballs (up from 2% in 2007), better than 1.5 per 9 innings. The fitness fanatic still maintains good control, but all the long balls may indicate his stuff has abandoned him. Teams that would benefit from any new, warm body pitching the 9th (Mets, Tigers, Cardinals) have expressed interest in funneling royalties to the estate of Bon Scott.

Three of the baldest, whitest men in America may all hang up their cleats this offseason. Tom Glavine, John Smoltz, and Greg Maddux have all made noise about returning for 2009, with Smoltz considering a Roger Clemens-styled half season (having passed on the Roger Clemens-styled drug regiment and Roger Clemens-styled underage country starlet) and Maddux putting some thought into the Reg Dunlop-styled player coach. Glavine and Maddux show the same "not enough strikes, too many long balls" sign of age, but John Smoltz pitched damn well in limited appearances in 2008. If he's healthy, he'll certainly have a job either with the Braves or a real contender. Signing outside Atlanta for the first time in his career, uprooting his 35 year old son and all 12 of his grandchildren is something no Opa ever wants to do.

(A big case of super-secret Coke Meconium to the sleuths at MLB Trade Rumors for their valuable conjecture)

The filing period for free agency in the Nippon Professional Baseball league ended two days ago. Or since it was Japan, I guess that was three days ago, what with the massive time difference. Actually, I think it's already Spring Training over there. Regardless, the ten-day window for players to declare free agency produced a grand total of just seven players, mostly because the NPB owners have far tighter labor controls than MLB owners. What, did Curt Flood and Marvin Miller never make it across the Pacific?

Anyway, the good people at NPB Tracker are keeping us abreast of the seven fellas and trying to make guesses as to which of them will sally forth to the welcoming bosom of Major League Baseball. Remember these three names, folks.

• Koji Uehara (P, Yomiuri Giants)
  
  
• Kenshin Kawakami (P, Chunichi Dragons)
  
  
• Ken Takahashi (P, Hiroshima Carp)

Of these three gents, Koji Uehara and Kenshin Kawakami are the most accomplished and most likely to make a splash in America in 2009. (Good news, Braves fans. Frank Wren has scouted 'em both) Uehara was a member of the Japanese National Team in the 2006 World Baseball Classic, collecting a tournament-high 16 strikeouts in 17 innings pitched and two wins, including a semifinal victory over South Korea. He'll be 34 on Opening Day and has battled shoulder problems over his career, but he's got good control and a 6.7 K/BB ratio over his career. According to Scouting Book, he throws a 90 MPH fastball, a slider, and a forkball. I'm dubbing him the Japanese Dave Stewart.

Kawakami was rookie of the year in 1998 and pitched for the Chunichi Dragons his entire career, leading them to the NPB championship in 2007. He is not a dominant fastball pitcher, and Scouting Book uses the word crafty to describe him, so I'm going to refer to him as the Japanese Paul Byrd. He also has a blog but has not joined Shaq in starting a Twitter account...yet.

Patrick at NPB Tracker says this about Takahashi, "Veteran lefty wants to try MLB. The Mets seem like a logical fit." Therefore, he must be extremely talented and yet destined to be a massive failure.

Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

• Obama Adviser Sits Owners Down, Gives Them the Bad News: Former Goldman Sachs executive and current Obama adviser Paul Volcker sat the baseball owners down and gave them a good talking-to about the current economic situation. Media wasn't allowed inside, but a sekrit insider source tells me that Volcker brought out a whiteboard, drew a cartoon of a frowning man inverting his empty pockets, and then walked out.
  
  
• Selig Learns From Mistakes, Invents New Rule Regarding Rain: Herr Bud Selig announced that MLB would change its rules to state that postseason and all star games would no longer be allowed to end early due to harsh weather conditions. Meaningless mid-September games between the Nationals and Marlins, however, will be automatically suspended at the first raindrop so everyone can go out for milkshakes.
  
  
• White Sox Sign Cuban Player, Jim Thome Consumes Cuban Sandwich: ChiSox general manager Ken Williams signed 19-year-old third baseman Dayan Viciedo, a former Cuban All-Star player. He might have peaked at age 16, though, because recent reports have him unmotivated and ballooning in weight. Hey, I hear Albert Belle is available too!
  
  
• Giants Interested in Orlando Hudson: In what is seen as a perfect fit, Brian Sabean is considering signing a middle infielder on the verge of his career decline. I expect the contract to be 10 years, $250 million.

Hey kids, man is free at the instant he wants to be.

• WHY doesn't Chase Utley just get a new titanium hip like my Gramma? Those things are unbreakable.
  
  
• IS Rafael Furcal about to become an Athletic? Well, he's already athletic but I'm sayin' maybe he'll go play for Oakland.
  
  
• SHOULD the writers elect Mike Mussina to the Hall of Fame on the first ballot, or later? It's not a question of 'if', more a question of 'when'.
  
  
• COULD the Padres stop jerking us around and just send Jake Peavy wherever he wants to go? You're killing Braves fans, general manager Towers.

Thanks for keeping us in your RSS readers and your bookmarks, folks. I appreciate all our readers and commenters!

(photograph stolen from If Charlie Parker Was a Gunslinger)

Massive creampuff news today from Todd Zolecki at Philly.com via the good folks at the 700 Level via my Google Reader, which aggregates news very well, thank you very much: Chase Utley needs hip surgery, y'all! He'll be out four to six months. Here's the news release:

"Based on the diagnostic studies and examinations, it has been recommended that Utley have surgery on his right hip, which is scheduled for next week. The procedure will be an arthroscopic evaluation with treatment of any labral or bony injury. The recovery will allow for the initiation of baseball activities between three and four months, however, the total recovery time may require four to six months."

Phillies fans, how do you live like this? Is it too late to bring back Tadahito Iguchi?

New Mariners general manager Jack Zduriencik isn't playing by the books in his new job, and why would he? He inherited a veritable scrap pile of a team that, for some reason, had high hopes for success in 2008 but ended up crumbling like a house made of taffy and dog biscuits. His predecessor Bill Bavasi did the team no favors with his bizarre trades and free agent signings. The team ran through two ineffective managers after erstwhile Bee Jay Mike Hargrove left Seattle high-and-dry in the middle of the 2007 season.

Worst of all, the newest M's beat writer Geoff Baker seemed to be on the verge of self-immolation with every blog post. Surely Zduriencik would go out of his way to ensure his new managerial hire could cheer up the city, the fans, and the sadsack beat writers!

With the hire of Oakland A's bench coach Don Wakamatsu, he's well on his way to cheering up the sports columnists. The Post-Intelligencer's Art Thiel wrote a jolly column today about Zduriencik's super-careful search for a new skipper, and mentioned the rookie G.M.'s preference for deep background checks. Heck, if John McCain had Zduriencik on his staff to do some hardcore veep vetting, he might have only lost by three points.

To check out Wakamatsu, he upgraded the vetting to include not just past employers, but his former teammates from 25 years ago at Arizona State University. He also called up clubhouse men at his earlier employment stops.

Like college guys, the clubhouse workers see all aspects of personalities, including the dark side's back stabbing, undercutting, fighting, sloth, avarice and the remaining deadly sins, plus fresh ones. If they give a thumbs up to a candidate, it's far more valuable than scuttlebutt offered by five scouts and 25 sportswriters.

So let this be a lesson to you college kids out there. Don't be a dick to your friends, or else they may one day prevent you from being manager of the Seattle Mariners. Actually, that might be a good thing to avoid, so go ahead and leave an upper-decker in your buddy's turlet down the hall.

I wish the best of luck to Zduriencik and his newest employee, Don Wakamatsu. You've both inherited a real sticky situation in Seattle, but luckily, you play in the American League West where the competition is by no means insurmountable. Sure, competing in 2009 is simply out of the question with all the overpriced spare parts you're saddled down with, but if you eliminate the junk and let the youngsters get some experience, 2010 might be a good year to get back above the .500 mark.

Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

• Dodgers Beat Columnist Wishing and Hoping for CC: Tony Jackson blogs that the Sabathia Sweepstakes might come down to two teams: the Giants and the Dodgers. What, no Yankees? According to Jackson, the fact that Sabathia still hasn't accepted the Yankees mega-offer from last week seems to say that CC don't wanna pitch in no New York City. Why the Dodgers? Because CC likes to hit and just bought a house in SoCal. Why the Giants? Because Sabean doesn't learn from past mistakes.
  
  
• Oakland Signs Relief Pitcher I've Never Heard Of: Seriously, this guy has been in the majors for three years, but I guess I never heard of him because he pitched for the Nationals, a team that needs relief pitchers like a fish needs a bicycle. What is there to "relieve" in Warshington when the team never has a lead? Enjoy the Chris Schroder Era, A's fans.
  
  
• Mike Mussina Retirement Rumors Leak, Agent Hollers at Media: So the Mike Mussina retirement rumors leaked last night (via Ken Rosendwarf) and we all cried a single tear. But then Mussina's agent Arn Tellem issued this statement: "Given the significance of this to Mike, I would hope you can respect his desire to be the author of any such announcement consistent with his own time table. A decision of this magnitude should not be the subject of unconfirmed rumors and speculation." Yeah! You tell 'em, Tellem.
  
  
• Cardinals Sup from the Teat of Tampa's Bullpen: St. Louis liked what they saw in Tampa's many-headed bullpen beast, so G.M. John Mozeliak threw some sheckels at lefty Trever Miller and brought him in for a physical. Things I did not know: Miller has been in the majors since 1996.

• WILL Coco Crisp help improve the Royals low team on-base percentage? No.
  
  
• WILL Ramon Ramirez help improve the Red Sox pitching staff by allowing Justin Masterson to return to the rotation? No.
  
  
• WILL Shrimp Baby taste as good in a nice risotto? Absolutely.

See y'all tomorrow.

The job fair that is the 2008 Mariners postseason rolled on yesterday. One month after hiring a new GM, they've announced Don "Waka" Wakamatsu as their new manager. Of course! Don Wakamatsu. What a no brainer. Let's look at his resume.

• 5 minor league seasons as a catcher before a sip of coffee with the White Sox.
• 4 seasons as a Minor League manager.
• 5 years as bench coach with the Rangers. Apparently people are enthused about his working with Buck Showalter. Screw Buck Showalter.
• Bench Coach with the A's last season.
• He made Joey Cora cry.

The cynical take is that the Mariners are just trying to regain their position as Japan's team, but Wakamatsu is a third generation American making him as Japanese as I am Greek. He's familiar with all the teams in the division as something of an "AL West guy" and according to Geoff Baker the choice was all Zduriencik's choice. It makes some sense. In any respect, it's important to have our first Asian MLB manager.

So let's all give a big Walkoff Walk hello to Don "Waka" Wakamatsu the Asian baseball team managing Barack Obama.

As per sports radio station WHB 810 in Kansas City, via the Extra Bases blog, via our commenter D. Chuck fka UTFLW, Coco Crisp is headed to the Royals in exchange for young relief pitching stud Ramon Ramirez. Without confirming or denying the report, Royals senior adviser Mike Arbuckle had this to say about Crisp:

"I would say Coco is a good player and we're always interested in getting good players."

I guess the Royals are pretty satisfied with their pitching staff and the Red Sox are pretty satisfied with Jacoby Ellsbury in center field. This looks to be a deal that helps both teams immediately.

UPDATE: The trade becomes official at high noon.

If you're one of those newfangled sabermetric nerdy types like me, you should feel pretty darn good about the results of the six major postseason awards as voted on by the BBWAA. That's the MVP, Cy Young, and Rookie of the Year awards. No, I'm not talking about the Manager of the Year awards; how can we give that award any provenance when the winner is always "the guy whose team performed better than we, the writers, predicted" aka "the guy who must be a fantastic manager because he took a team that we, the writers, felt wasn't very good and led them to a winning record"?

Okay, back to my point: the writers collectively did a great job in rewarding the best players this year, but some folks are taking umbrage at the ballots of individual voters and the overall results past the number one spot. I'm not claiming innocence here either, yesterday I bashed the fella who gave a fifth place AL MVP vote to Jason Bartlett. Our own Lloyd the Barber bashed the AL MVP voters for giving nary a vote to Blue Jays ace Roy Halladay. Yes, the same Roy Halladay who finished second place in the Cy Young voting, ahead of Frankie Rodriguez. Yet Rodriguez still got a first place MVP vote and finished fifth overall.

You know what? We feel pretty satisfied with the winners, let's leave it at that and ignore the down-ballot mumbo-jumbo. Individually, writers are always going to make personal choices, sometimes smart ones based on facts and player performance and sometimes dumb ones based on bias or arbitrary reasons like "Player X was more gritty" or "Team Y made the playoffs."

Collectively, though, the writers didn't make any grievous errors! When all the votes were tallied, the best players won the top honors. Look at the NL MVP race between Ryan Howard and Albert Pujols. Howard had Pujols beat in the traditional slugger counting stats: home runs and RBI. In past years, the writers would lean on those and reward folks like Juan Gonzalez despite the fact that he was a one-trick pony. On steroids. Not so this year, as Pujols won the award for being a better overall hitter and a far better wielder of the leather in the field.

So to all you sabermetric folk out there, don't fret about the details today. The big picture is quite clear.

Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

• After Tough World Series Loss, Tampa Bay Rays Trim the Fat: The chick inside the Raymond costume at the Tropicana Dome got canned. Kelly Frank, who played the creepy Raymond for five seasons, was told by Rays owner Stuart Sternberg to, in his words, "Hit the bricks, sister." Note: those were not his words
  
  
• Detroit Columnist Defends His K-Rod MVP Vote, His Gone With the Wind Commemorative Plate Collection: Tom Gage, columnist for something called a "newspaper" in some place called "Detroit", voted for Francisco Rodriguez on his AL MVP ballot. Why? Because he saved a lot of games, and the team he covered (some group of gentlemen called the "Tigers") blew a lot of saves. That explains why the Atlanta guy voted for Brad Lidge. OH ZING
  
  
• Evan Grant Defends His Omission of Dustin Pedroia: Grant, the only AL voter to leave eventual winner Pedroia off his MVP ballot entirely, apologizes and says that he was trying to be too "cute" with his 10th place selection of Carlos Pena instead of Dustin. Then he throws Dustin under the bus by saying the kid finished just 18th in OPS and that the second baseman preferred Wendy's burgers over Animal Style at In-N-Out. Quelle horreur!
  
  
• Brian Cashman Opens Up Purse, Pulls Out Giant Oversized Check: So the Yankees may be offering A.J. Burnett $80 million over five years. Not a bad payday for a dude who has been on the D.L. nine times in the last eight years. Meanwhile, ROBOTHAL says that the Sox are interested too, preparing a shorter offer with a larger annual salary. The World Champions may be priced out.
  
  
• Jake Peavy Reconsiders His Relocation Plans: Hey, remember when Peavy's agent Barry Axelrod said that Peavy would only accept a trade to five National League teams? Yeah, he was only kidding. That was just a "rough sketch", he says. Translation: Peavy wants some of that New York City money!

• WHO is a bigger Scrooge: Cal Ripken Jr. or Scrooge?


• DOES the Phillies front office dare eat a peach?


• WHAT the hell is wrong with these kids?


• AM I alone in not being totally stoked for Chinese Democracy? You snooze, you lose dude.


• WHY do people think that Mark Cuban ever had a chance of owning the Cubs? This headline would be a hilarious understatement... if it he ever had a realistic chance.

Dustin Pedroia is a sprite. He's a little, miniature doll of a baseball player. He's scrappy and he has elfish features and tries to hide the fact that he's so adorable by growing out his scruffy facial stubble. He's barely 5'7", which means that he's half a foot shorter than the average baseball player and the same height as me, and probably the same height of most sportswriters across this great land. Which is why I claim that most sportswriters probably take a look at this kid and say to themselves, "Hey, this Dustin Pedroia kid overcame his teeny frame and put up some great numbers for a playoff team...let's name him MVP!" So they did.

Pedroia (Adjusted OPS+ of 122) beat out such notable baseballers as teammate Kevin Youkilis (143), frequent MVP club member Alex Rodriguez (150), and sideburn-laden catcher hunk Joe Mauer (137) because he was scrappy and hustled a lot. He played some mean second base defense and frequently walked around with a dirty uniform because he was constantly divin' and slidin' and yellin' and just basically being intense.

But enough of my sarcasm, Dustin Pedroia had a wicked good year for a second basemen, and I mean that in a historical sense. He set the Red Sox record for most hits, doubles, runs, total bases, and extra-base hits by a second baseman, and even got hisself a Gold Glove, becoming only the third Red Sox middle infielder to snatch that award.

Notable voting results: K-Rod picked up just one first place vote and finished in sixth place, while Rays team MVP Jason Bartlett got just one vote, and it was a fifth place vote. Who the heck did that? Also, someone left Joe Mauer, my AL MVP pick, completely off their ballot. I want his head on a platter.

UPDATE: My math is poor. Pedroia was also not named on every ballot. Our pal Evan Grant left him off and voted Youkilis first.

There are only nine days left before we gather around a large table and ritualistically consume turkey and potatoes, which means that there are only ten days left before we gather around a mall and ritualistically consume slippers and cheese logs. Yes, Black Friday, the traditional start of the American Christmas shopping season, is just around the corner, and before you start throwing your dollar bills around, I'd like you to listen to my plea:

There are millions of hungry and poor people in the United States and you should help them out by donating a small percentage of your holiday shopping budget to your local food banks, because they are struggling.

"We're seeing more and more people coming to the front door and less and less food coming through the back door," said Aine Duggan of the Food Bank for New York City. "We're being squeezed from both sides and we haven't seen the worst of it."

That's it, folks. Corporations are donating less to the food banks at the most vital time, when thousands of people are losing their jobs and those of us who never thought they'd go hungry can no longer afford to feed themselves and their families. So please, I realize that this is very difficult to ask you to open your wallets at a time when everyone is suffering, but if you can afford Internet access to read this silly baseball blog, then you can afford to send a few bucks to your city's local food bank.

Here's a nearly complete list of food banks in MLB cities. Pick your favorite.

• Anaheim - Second Harvest of Orange County
• Arlington - North Texas Food Bank
• Atlanta - Atlanta Community Food Bank
• Baltimore - Maryland Food Bank
• Boston - Greater Boston Food Bank
• Chicago - Greater Chicago Food Bank
• Cincinnati - Freestore Foodbank
• Cleveland - Cleveland Foodbank
• Denver - Food Bank of the Rockies
• Detroit - Gleaners Community Food Bank
• Houston - Houston Food Bank
• Kansas City - Harvesters
• Los Angeles - Los Angeles Regional Food Bank
• Miami - Daily Bread
• Milwaukee - Hunger Task Force
• Minneapolis - Second Harvest Heartland
• New York - Food Bank for New York City
• Oakland - Alameda County Community Food Bank
• Philadelphia - PhilAbundance
• Phoenix - St. Mary's Food Bank Alliance
• Pittsburgh - Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank
• San Diego - San Diego Food Bank
• San Francisco - San Francisco Food Bank
• Seattle - Northwest Harvest
• St. Louis - St. Louis Area Food Bank
• Tampa - America's Second Harvest of Tampa Bay
• Toronto - Daily Bread
• Washington - Capital Area Food Bank

And if your town isn't represented on that list, head on over to Feeding America, the website formerly known as Second Harvest. I'll be donating to the Community FoodBank of New Jersey because Bruce Springsteen told me to. Join me, and give a couple of sheckels. Your money will go further than you can possibly imagine to feed some needy folks.

(photo credit: Mr. Kris at Flickr)

Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

• Japanese-Owned Mariners to Hire Manager With Japanese Sounding Name: According to the good people at the KING 5 TV channel, the Seattle Mariners have narrowed their managerial search to one gentleman, former Oakland A's bench coach Don Wakamatsu. Don Wakamatsu? I had that in my bento box yesterday. Delicious.
  
  
• The Rich Get Richer and Slightly Overloaded With Veteran Arms: The Yankees are allegedly on the verge of making Real Live Contract Offers to A.J. Burnett and Derek Lowe, bringing their total nut to $250 million for those two jokers and CC Sabathia. Add in Joba Chamberlain and Chien Ming Wang, and you've got a five-man rotation. Sounds like this whole Phil Hughes experiment has pretty much hit the crapper.
  
  
• MLB.com Pushes Microsoft Out of Digital Video Bed, Opens Legs Wide for Adobe Flash: Good news for those of you who were unable or unwilling to install the Microsoft Silverlight application to watch video on MLB.com, because the good people at MLBAM have ended their relationship with Microsoft. Flash is the underpinnings of YouTube, I think, so you shouldn't have to install anything extra if you run Firefox.
  
  
• Schilling Uses Blog Platform to Defend Jason Varitek's Shitty Season: Citing a tough divorce and a couple of bad viral infections, Curt Schilling defended former teammate Jason Varitek's rough 2008 season. "I will tell you that what he had to endure physically and mentally absolutely impacted him in a negative way performance-wise. People don't know that he twice last year had a serious viral sickness. He was completely wiped out on two different occasions." This is even lamer than the time Julio Lugo claimed he had worms.
  
  
• Despite Not Waiting One Hour After Eating, Giants Make Initial Splash in Free Agent Pool: The Giants signed free agent reliever Jeremy Affeldt to a tidy two-year deal worth about eight million dollars. He'll set up closer Brian Wilson. It's Affeldt's fourth team. He gets around.

• WHAT do Ken Griffey Jr. and Fran Drescher have in common? They're both special US government envoys. Of course they are.


• WHO will win the AL MVP tomorrow? Probably not either guy that we picked.


• IS filling the 6 hour gap between my afternoon shift and my predawn shift with a Margot & The Nuclear So and Sos show a bad idea? I guess I'll find out sometime tomorrow.

One of the best pieces posted by the good folks at ESPN Page 2 this year was Jonah Keri's September reflection on the baseball-addled public's love/hate relationship with Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols. Keri insists that Pujols is so consistently sensational at the plate and in the field that fans and writers fail to properly appreciate his greatness. Well, the gap between Pujols' actual appreciation level and projected appreciation level closed a bit today as the BBWAA folk have elected Pujols your 2008 National League MVP.

Face it, the other big time sluggers played great baseball but not a single one of them could match Pujols' overall numbers. He outslugged Ryan Howard, outhit Manny Ramirez and saw half the strikeouts that Lance Berkman did. Only Chipper Jones beat him in the batting race but did it all with almost 100 fewer points of slugging percentage. Pujols didn't just outperform the rest of the N.L, he outperformed his own career best numbers: he drew over 100 walks for the first time in his career and had his career-high OPS of 1.114.

So thank you, baseball writers, for giving Albert Pujols his second MVP award and helping him avoid finishing in second place for the fourth time in his career. I'm sure he appreciates the appreciation.

Addendum: Yes, Camp Tiger Claw has now predicted his seventh straight award correctly. If Carlos Quentin wins the AL MVP tomorrow, I'm quitting the blog.

It's a big day for knuckleball news. First we go to Japan where, in what is in no way a publicity stunt, independent league team the Kobe 9 Cruise have drafted a 16 year old girl to pitch for them. Before we get to the baseball analysis, let's just state the obvious. There are no bigger perverts than old Japanese dudes. The only thing that would have put more asses in the seats than a schoolgirl pitcher is an animated schoolgirl pitcher. Know your audience and you will succeed. The Kobe 9 Cruise have that down.

Anyway, 16 year old Eri Yashida is a sidearm knuckleballer who clocks in at all of 5 feet tall and 114 pounds. Watch out for those comebackers to the mound, Eri! She hopes to model her career after Tim Wakefield, which is a pretty good goal to have. Pitch for 17 years, win a couple of titles and... retire at 42?

That's the word on the street. Apparently Wake is having some shoulder troubles and is seriously pondering hanging it up. There isn't much to say about him that hasn't been said. I've never been his biggest fan but he always pitches when you ask him to. Something to be said for that I suppose. So if it's true, I wish Tim a room temperature congratulations and Eri Yashida says, "Sayanora, brobro. Thanks for the roster spot."

(I owe an RC Cola to YFSF for the Wakefield tip.)

The libelous and conjecture-filled offseason is in full swing and the Dutch Ovens are steaming! From every good Hot Stove comes a delicious Hot Knife, guaranteed to make your thinking hazy and unclear. There is a chance that Hot Knives will mess you up like a bad accident.

We here at Walkoff Walk will pack the hole in our crystal ball with some gum and electrical tape and look beyond the Hot Stove. The Hot Knives Report will evaluate the on- and off-field impact of trades and signings (both real and conjured) to teams too busy with their new toys to worry about the cost.

Today, the top two right handed free agents on the market. Do you want your team to sign Ben Sheets or A.J. Burnett?

That all depends, how is your heart? Can it take a good breakin'? Signing either of these two will ensure you're never bored. As far as pure stuff goes, you can't do much better. Both pitchers are throw as hard as anyone, with Burnett throwing the 5th fastest fastball, while Sheets ranks 22nd. A.J. Burnett is also lucky enough to one of the best curveballs in baseball. Basically, they are the same guy. Look at them, all side by side in the Pitching Runs Created column. They're so cute.

Just like an angered lobster baby, they are cute but deadly. Ben Sheets misses more starts than a NASCAR fan asleep on the infield. A.J. Burnett hates work also, but dont' forget his additional value: he's a total flake! Blue Jays fans have long learned to recognize the signs of Burnett's blow-ups a mile away. Hmmm, he's not getting calls and just gave up a long, loud double. Looks like its time to hatefuck a fastball right down the middle. And there it goes, and here comes the statline-distorting big inning/bad outing. Add his bizarre proclivity for mid-game dabbling and a wife with a thing for limo rides, and you've got yourself a handful! Not to mention you'll have yourself a 32 year old power pitcher with a history of arm troubles! All for the low, low price of $16 million a season. You might as well get two!

And two you could have, if the front office of your local baseball 9 decides to sign Ben Sheets too! Ben Sheets is younger than Burnett and though he's missed big stretches of time, most of his injuries have been to everything but his arm. Inner ear infections, hamstring strains, strained labia, back issues all sidelined him before a torn elbow muscle brought his 2008 season to a close.

If your team is really making a move for 2009, A.J. could be your man. Don't be thrown by the alarming uptick in his performance during contract years, that is merely a coincidence. Bill James figures he'll have a slightly worse than 2008 but still respectable season in 2009. Beyond 2009, what you'll get is anyone's guess. Potential suitors include the Yankees, Cardinals, Braves, Mets, or a hometown discount for the Blue Jays. The U.S.S Mariners suggest Seattle as a potential home for Sheets, thanks to his relationship with new GM Jack Zdruriencik and his great love of umbrellas. The Rangers have also expressed interest in Sheets, but will have to outbid everyone to entice a right handed pitcher into that graveyard.

While the money these players receive isn't yours, you don't want either of these two on your team moving forward. Pain, agony, shouldas and couldas are all you will experience. The flashes of brilliance mixed into the missed starts, the gross negligence and the weight of being an ace will only increase your dissatisfaction.

Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

• Yankees Seek Insurance Policy for Posada, Jason Varitek Winks Suggestively: In one of those "too bizarre to believe" rumors that we've been reading about for years, the Boston Herald suggested that the Yanks might sign 'Tek to a two-year deal just in case Jorge Posada's shoulder acts up again. As an insurance policy to Varitek, they'll sign Roy Campanella's wheelchair.
  
  
• Rinku and Dinesh Play the Waiting Game, Will Soon Give Up and Play Hungry Hungry Hippos: Our heroes from India got a third chance to pitch in front of real live baseball scouts and are sitting still waiting for some good news before they head home to that nutty subcontinent on the other side of the world "with a triumphant manner." Meanwhile, the Japanese teams are drafting little girls.
  
  
• Detroit Tigers Seek Julio Lugo in Trade, Red Sox Fans Giddy at Thought: Thought the Tigers couldn't get any worse? Think again. Put Julio Lugo and his 40 errors at shortstop and you've got yourself quite possibly the most dysfunctional team in baseball. Which means, of course, that they're a certainty to score 1000 runs in 2009.
  
  
• K-Rod Takes Manhattan, Manhattan Makes K-Rod Turn Head and Cough: The team and the local papers deny it, but the Venezuelan newspaper El Universal sez that Frankie Rodriguez has a contract offer from the Mets on the table and that he was in NYC for a physical this past weekend. This is just like the time I told my girlfriend I was just at my buddy's house when she couldn't find me, but really, I was in NYC getting a physical by the Mets team doctor.
  
  
• Union Folk Pressuring Large Man to Take a Lot of Money: The MLB players union is allegedly asking CC Sabathia to accept the Yankees' 6-year, $140 million offer immediately because they think that'll open up the floodgates for other free agent pitchers to cash in. Don't listen to 'em, CC. The Yankees best offer is WELL above that number. Take what you deserve, and make them wait.

• WHO was watching Graeme Lloyd?


• IF I have to see Synecdoche, NY twice as some people are suggesting, shouldn't Charlie Kaufman have to pay for my second ticket?


• SHOULD AJ Burnett sign the reported 4 year, $54M offer the Blue Jays have reportedly put on the table? I say, "As quickly as his creaky arm will let him."