The Dutch Oven: Caramelizing the Wildest Baseball Rumors

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Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

  • Yankees Seek Insurance Policy for Posada, Jason Varitek Winks Suggestively: In one of those "too bizarre to believe" rumors that we've been reading about for years, the Boston Herald suggested that the Yanks might sign 'Tek to a two-year deal just in case Jorge Posada's shoulder acts up again. As an insurance policy to Varitek, they'll sign Roy Campanella's wheelchair.

  • Rinku and Dinesh Play the Waiting Game, Will Soon Give Up and Play Hungry Hungry Hippos: Our heroes from India got a third chance to pitch in front of real live baseball scouts and are sitting still waiting for some good news before they head home to that nutty subcontinent on the other side of the world "with a triumphant manner." Meanwhile, the Japanese teams are drafting little girls.

  • Detroit Tigers Seek Julio Lugo in Trade, Red Sox Fans Giddy at Thought: Thought the Tigers couldn't get any worse? Think again. Put Julio Lugo and his 40 errors at shortstop and you've got yourself quite possibly the most dysfunctional team in baseball. Which means, of course, that they're a certainty to score 1000 runs in 2009.

  • K-Rod Takes Manhattan, Manhattan Makes K-Rod Turn Head and Cough: The team and the local papers deny it, but the Venezuelan newspaper El Universal sez that Frankie Rodriguez has a contract offer from the Mets on the table and that he was in NYC for a physical this past weekend. This is just like the time I told my girlfriend I was just at my buddy's house when she couldn't find me, but really, I was in NYC getting a physical by the Mets team doctor.

  • Union Folk Pressuring Large Man to Take a Lot of Money: The MLB players union is allegedly asking CC Sabathia to accept the Yankees' 6-year, $140 million offer immediately because they think that'll open up the floodgates for other free agent pitchers to cash in. Don't listen to 'em, CC. The Yankees best offer is WELL above that number. Take what you deserve, and make them wait.

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6 Comments

You know what would really help free agent pitchers cash in? Pitching effectively.

Also, this sounds like a great waste of time. It's from the same dude who did the 88 Topps card blog.

Did you happen to notice the writer of the Lugo-to-Tigers article is named Robert Falkoff? That sounds like the nom-de-mlb.com of a WoWie.

I have the 88 Topps compete set. NBD

More like juLiO Lugo. amirite?!

freetzy: Close, my pen name is Robert Fuckoff.

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