The Dutch Oven: Filling Your Belly With Baseball Chili

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Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

  • Matt Holliday Comes Clean, Proclaims Love for Winning: Rockies outfielder Matt Holliday told the Denver Post that he turned down the Rockies' 4-year $72 milliion extension offer because they're a bunch of losers. Kid doesn't just want the money, he wants the ring. Of course, he's a big fat liar because as a free agent, he'll make twice as much money.

  • Walkoff Walk Favorite Wins Award Sponsored by Baseball Card Company: San Diego Padres farmhand Kyle Blanks won the Topps Minor League Player of the Year award for the Texas League. His award was thirty pounds of stale chewing gum and seventeen Mark McGwire rookie cards. GEM MINT TEN.

  • Magglio Ordoñez on the Trading Block, Magglio Ordoñez Fanboys on the Brink of Disaster: Our pals at the Big Tilde weblog are flummoxed over the latest rumors that send Magglio Ordoñez to the Angels in exchange for a sampler platter: shortstop, catcher, relief pitcher, and jalapeño poppers. "Send Sheffield instead," they exclaim.

  • Cubs Are Frontrunners in Peavy Race, Still Three Miles Behind in Iditarod: Ken Rosenthal of FOX is a rumormongering, and the latest rumor that he's mongering says that the Cubs are in line to snatch Jake Peavy. Sorry once again, Braves fans, but they're even thinking of hanging on to Ryan Dempster, creating a master race of super pitchers that will still fail in October.

  • Ned Colletti Puffs Out Chest, Struts His Stuff: Dodgers G.M. Ned Colletti is bragging that he made the largest contract offer in team history to Manny Ramirez, either two years at $50 million or three years at $75 million. Manny wants four years and he'll probably get it elsewhere. Ol' Neddy is just making a little show for the L.A. fans, basically saying, "Hey, we offered Manny a ton of dough and he turned us down." Colletti also bought out Brad Penny, declining his $9.5 million option, giving him a $2 million parting gift, and telling him to hit the bricks.

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Kid doesn't just want the money, he wants the ring.

They don't have to be mutually exclusive.

Walkoff Walk Favorite Wins Award Sponsored by Baseball Card Company

I thought you were referring to Corey Patterson's recent "Pinnacle Completely Useless Major Leaguer" award.

Also, I saw Ken Rosenthal in Philly during the World Series. He was on his way to the stadium, hailing a hummingbird outside of his hotel.

If there's one thing the Angels need it's another god-damned outfielder.

/Fills bathtub with lukewarm water, sharpens razor.

Vlad's not going to last forever, you know!

They don't have to be mutually exclusive.

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