The Dutch Oven: Making You Think Dirty Thoughts For Over Three Days

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Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

  • Red Sox Fear Future Without Aging Knuckleballer: For now, the Red Sox will be using Tim Wakefield as the fourth starter in their rotation for the 28th consecutive year. This doesn't preclude them from seeking another big arm on the free agent market, like CC Sabathia, Ben Sheets, or Oil Can Boyd.

  • World Champion Phillies Name Successor to Pat Gillick: As expected, the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies named former assistant G.M. Ruben Amaro to the position vacated by old man Pat Gillick. Amaro beat out scouting director Mike Arbuckle, who has left the organization in disgust and will move in with his brother Jon as they plot his future.

  • This Jake Peavy Nonsense May Take Awhile: Padres G.M. Kevin Towers ain't messing around with his prize possession. Sez Kev, "There is no time restriction on moving Jake. We will act when we receive what we consider a very good baseball deal. If nothing presents itself that looks to be attractive to us, we will retain him for the 2009 season." Sorry, Braves fans. Looks like you're stuck with Kelly Johnson for another year.

  • The Brewers Rotation Is Going to Blow Goats: Milwaukee G.M. Doug Melvin is well-prepared to make a contract offer to CC Sabathia for his asking price of $20 million a year. Of course, the offer will be for fewer years than other teams are willing to provide, so it's just a way for ther Brewers organization to tell the fans, "Hey, we tried!" They might not even try to keep their other free agent stud pitcher, Ben Sheets, who may be the next in line to ruin his career in Arlington.

  • Maddux Becomes Rangers Pitching Coach: No, not the good one. The other one.

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We will act when we receive what we consider a very good baseball deal.

So the Carolina Panthers and Tampa Bay Bucs can go scratch, because they are only offering football deals.

Kind of a drag that the two biggest names in free agency were developed by my team and let go for financial reasons.


So Garfield, James Blaine, and Robert Todd Lincoln walk into the Sixth Street Station...

John and Mike get real quiet when you bring up their estranged brother, Farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle.


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