The Dutch Oven: Taking Its Time to Meander Through The Business

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Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

  • Obama Adviser Sits Owners Down, Gives Them the Bad News: Former Goldman Sachs executive and current Obama adviser Paul Volcker sat the baseball owners down and gave them a good talking-to about the current economic situation. Media wasn't allowed inside, but a sekrit insider source tells me that Volcker brought out a whiteboard, drew a cartoon of a frowning man inverting his empty pockets, and then walked out.

  • Selig Learns From Mistakes, Invents New Rule Regarding Rain: Herr Bud Selig announced that MLB would change its rules to state that postseason and all star games would no longer be allowed to end early due to harsh weather conditions. Meaningless mid-September games between the Nationals and Marlins, however, will be automatically suspended at the first raindrop so everyone can go out for milkshakes.

  • White Sox Sign Cuban Player, Jim Thome Consumes Cuban Sandwich: ChiSox general manager Ken Williams signed 19-year-old third baseman Dayan Viciedo, a former Cuban All-Star player. He might have peaked at age 16, though, because recent reports have him unmotivated and ballooning in weight. Hey, I hear Albert Belle is available too!

  • Giants Interested in Orlando Hudson: In what is seen as a perfect fit, Brian Sabean is considering signing a middle infielder on the verge of his career decline. I expect the contract to be 10 years, $250 million.

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4 Comments

I am sure Obama's economic advisor told the big market teams that it's not fair that they make so much money and that they should redistribute some of there revenue to the other teams. When the owners told him they were already doing it Volcker told them they need to increase there share. He assured them how patriotic they would be if give more of there money to the smaller market teams. One of the owners suggested that the teams should just spend there money wiser instead of blowing it on overrated washed up veterens. Volcker just laughed uncontrollably at that statement and told the owner to get real because that's how things work and you can't change it.

instead of blowing it on overrated washed up veterens

Fred Wilpon must be a demmycrat.

And then he appointed Marc Rich to run the league finances

O Hudson = R Durham v2.0
Don't do it Sabean!

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