Sportswriters Gone Wild: Winter Meetings In Vegas

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By now you're familiar with our nuanced relationship with beat writers. They feed us info, we read them constantly and to pay them back for their dilligence we are constantly making fun of them. Almost all of them we've had contact with have been great guys and seem to like the ribbing. When I realized last week that the Winter Meetings were going to be in Vegas, I knew it was going to be Sportswriter Bacchanalia. Even if there wasn't any movement on the actual baseball front, I knew some of my favorite scribes wouldn't be able to resist throwing some personal tidbits into their blogs. Dudes love looking like insiders.

I was going to save this for the end of the week, but after the Sabathia news this morning we expect that Dutch Oven to start boiling any second. Gonna be a chain reaction, y'all! So without further ado here are my favorite sportswriter nuggets (gross) from the week so far.

  • Our boy Richard Griffin of the Toronto Star does Vegas like it should be done. With a ton of cheap hooch and gradually diminishing faculties. Here's his take on Utopia, from a post titled, and I'm serious, "OY CANADA!":

    "By the way, I appreciate all the advice I have received from readers on future bookings in Vegas, but I happen to love the intimacy of Bill's Gamblin' Hall. Why, three times per day, Elvis performs live in Bill's Lounge. There is a top notch after hours bar with live music until five in the morning. There is a stained glass window in my shower and the water pressure could blow a tick off an elephant. Margaritas go for 99 cents and you can get a hot dog and a beer for four and a quarter at any hour of the day or night. In addition, there is free valet parking and when I asked the guy how long ahead I should call down to get my car out, he said "thirty seconds." Sweet.

    More from Vegas later tonight."

    Not surprisingly there was no post later that night. But his most recent post is titled "Jays inquire about sweet Furcal," with no allusion to why he is "sweet." Good luck getting through customs with whatever the hell is in that suitcase, Griff.

  • Geoff Baker is taking creepy pictures of Nolan Ryan.

  • Evan Grant's mom is a tortured woman with a hallucinating son:

    "Later today, I'll be doing a version the "Fat Joe left Atlantic!" bit in a call to my mom in Omaha, modifying it by exclaiming "Alan Embree signed with Colorado!" This will amuse me and -- sadly -- won't even rattle my mom."

And of course, our pal Duk from Big League Stew piled into a car with Yahoo's Jeff Passan, drove across town to the fabled In N Out, and bought all of these sloths 35 Animal Style Double Doubles, then went out of his way to erroneously call us In-N-Out haters. Pete Abraham was way into the burgers.

UPDATE: John Fay went to BOTH Planet Hollywood and P.F. Chang's last night. Do not try and stop this man. He is a party animal the likes of which haven't been seen since Spuds McKenzie. I fear this is going to end in a strung out knife fight between him and Griffin.

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I'm going to Vegas in a couple days. I'll get to eat burgers from the same stand that Jeff Passan got burgers! Envy me!

There's a reason I consider Vegas heaven on earth. You can find me at Caesars on Cleopatra's Barge rocking out to the whitest band on earth covering Kool and the gang's "Celebration". Pump up that dry ice fog, baby!

Fay is going to need reconstructive nasal surgery by the time this trip is done, if you know what I mean. Wink wink nudge coke.

P.F. Changs? He must be attempting to break Randy Marsh's record.

This just confirms my theory that all sportswriters just want to be food critics that use occasional sports metaphors.

@ Cheif Wahoo: For my money, it doesn't get much better than the Caesars band doing Earth Wind & Fire's "September." I celebrate their entire catalog.

Dr. Rock = Larry King

Iracane, the funny thing is that the good Dr. is right. I have indeed heard them play September while drunkenly ogling whores and watching middle-aged businessmen do The Robot.

"...with no allusion to why he is "sweet." Good luck getting through customs with whatever the hell is in that suitcase, Griff."

hahahaha oh Griff.

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