The Dutch Oven: Neither Dutch Nor an Oven. Discuss.

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Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

  • Red Sox Tie Up Elfin Second Bagger For Years to Come: Boston threw a six-year, forty million dollar contract at Dustin Pedroia and it stuck. The reigning American League Most Valuable Pixie will earn a little bit less than Robinson Cano and far less than Chase Utley but hey, he'll drink for free at the Cask 'N' Flagon for the next 65 years, so he's got that going for him.

  • Actual Headline: "Mariners Come to Terms With Russell Branyan": When you 'come to terms with' something, it usually means that you have dealt with the realization that you are stuck in a less-than-ideal situation and there is nothing you can do about it. So you settle. Just like the Mariners did with Russell Branyan, who actually strikes out more often than Richie Sexson and plays far worse defense. But hey, at least it's not a crippling contract this time! Good work, Zduriencik.

  • Giants Upgrade Bullpen With Aging Cub: Bobby Howry, who somehow managed to be employed for a division winner's bullpen last year with a 5.35 ERA, will be a San Francisco Giant next season. Howry allowed a whopping 13 tater tots in just 70 innings last year but actually had decent strikeout numbers and low walk totals, so a switch to the unfriendly confines of AT&T Park should help him return to form. Either that or he'll threaten to meet another fan by the small wall.

  • Backup Catchers Are the New Black: Having a good second string catcher is like remembering to wear galoshes when it's raining. Sometimes you just don't do it and then you end up with pneumonia. Or a shitty backup catcher. My metaphor is not apt. But the Braves signed David Ross, who was both a Red and a Red Sock last year, to play second fiddle to Brian McCann.

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You know who is Dutch? Todd Gack.

Who cares about David Rozzzzzzzzzz Atlanta has made an offer to AJ Burnett.


That's a nice name, Todd Gack.

Cards get Spicoli.

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