The Dutch Oven: Not Nearly Wide Enough For Yer Yule Logs

| | Comments (2)
dutchoven.jpg

Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

  • Angels Disappear From Mark Teixeira Sweepstakes: One of the newest traditions of the holiday season is telling Scott Boras to go sit on a reindeer's antlers and spin. Anaheim owner Arte Moreno decided he won't be making an offer to Boras' prize free agent Mark Teixeira, just a few days after Red Sox owner John Henry gave Scottyboy the same heave-ho. This leaves the teams remaining in the running to the Yankees, Nationals and Orioles. And the Red Sox and the Angels, because baseball owners are huge liars.

  • Dock Ellis Goes Tits Up: The first and last guy to throw a no-hitter while under the influence of angel dust died last week of a liver complication. Dock Ellis was also famous after retiring from baseball for speaking out against alcohol and drug abuse and was even hired in 1986 by the Yankees to teach their minor league players about the dangers of drugs. Guess it was too late to save Steve Howe.

  • Your Daily Bullshit Rumor Reported by a Foreign Language Blog: As per a juicy news item in the Dominican newspaper Impacto Deportivo, the Yankees are about to sign Manny Ramirez to a three-year $75 million deal. In other fake news, Bat Boy is real and Prince Charles is leaving Camilla Bowles Parker for a golden retriever.

  • Bobby Valentine is Coming Home, People!: Disappointed with a fourth-place finish in 2008, the Chiba Lotte Marines have decided not to extend Bobby Valentine's contract after the 2009 season. So you better hope your favorite team doesn't underperform next year or else it might be managed by that jerk in 2010.

PREVIOUS: Weekend Questions   |   NEXT: The Dull Knives Report: Mark Teixeira

2 Comments

The Prince Charles rumor comes far too close to believability?

Bobby Valentine isn't going anywhere. He'll just put on the
Moustache and glasses and get hired back

Leave a comment