The Dutch Oven: Perfect For All Your Filthy Arbitratin'

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Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

  • Red Sox Sign Japanese Craig Hansen, American Craig Hansen Visits Pittsburgh Sushi Joint: Pending the necessary physical, Boston signed Japanese prospect Junichi Tazawa to a 3-year, three million dollar major league contract and thrust him onto the happiest 40-man roster in all the land. Japanese baseball officials are very angry that Tazawa skipped out on the NPB draft; in retaliation, they are going to murder Bobby Valentine's housepets.

  • Roy Oswalt is Lonely in Houston, Seeks Single White Righthander for Companionship: Well tough shit, Oswalt, because Ben Sheets is married. The Boston Globe's Nick Cafardo is a rumormonger, and the latest rumor he's mongering says that Roy Oswalt is trying to recruit his pal Ben Sheets, the free agent righty with an injury history longer than Ovid's Metamorphoses, to come pitch for the Astros. Tough shit, Oswalt. Ed Wade pushed all his chips to the middle of the table on Miguel Tejada and a case of Miller Chill.

  • Baseball Blogger Plays Race Card, Momentarily Forgets He Was Playing Old Maid: Gregg Kenny Doyle of Dugout Central thinks the Braves should sign free agent pitcher CC Sabathia because CC is black and folks in Atlanta are black, too. As evidence, he cites the fact that the Falcons sold out games for five straight years when Michael Vick was the team's starting quarterback. In related news, a blogger in Cleveland is trying to persuade the Indians to sign Sabathia because he is slovenly and overweight.

  • Orioles May Be Third Team in Peavy Sweepstakes, Every Single Orioles Fan May Be Third Person In Plot to Assassinate Angelos: Baltimore has been chit-chatting with the Cubs about outfielder Felix Pie, fueling speculation that the O's may be the alleged third team in the Jake-Peavy-to-the-Cubs trade. The O's would get Pie and send young pitcher Garrett Olson to the Cubs, who would send Olson on to the Padres for Peavy. Unhappy with this possible trade? Don't get your nuts in a knot.

  • Cancel Your Plans, Dolores. The Arbitration Deadline is Tonight!: Tonight at midnight Eastern Standard Time, the MLB arbitration deadline will fall on the 30 major league teams like a guillotine, cutting off any chances of reconciliation with their castoff free agents and also eliminating any hopes that compensatory draft picks that come along to replace the departed. Notable free agents who have yet to hear from their former teams: Bobby Abreu, Adam Dunn, Edgar Renteria, and that chick who played Raymond.

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Oh Jesus Christ. THE FALCONS SOLD OUT THE DOME BECAUSE THE TEAM WAS BETTER. They are selling it out again this year because the team is good, not because of the color of anyone's skin.

That's the worst blog post I think I've ever seen. Congrats Kenny Doyle.


frighteningly enough he's just repeating something the NY Times already said:

Also, Felix Pie? Hmmmmmmmm, Pie.

During the Braves negotiations with C.C., they place coupons for and directions to the nearest Chik-Fil-A on top of the mountain of cash already on the table.

Meanwhile, Hank Steinbrenner is still grandstanding with his "time table."

What's the problem? I always go to sporting events when the athlete's skin color matches my skin color.

Which is why I only ever go to bocce matches.

"that chick who played Raymond"? You mean Patricia Heaton didn't really love Ray Romano?

Perhaps they could get Frank Kelly (Father Jack in Father Ted) to play Raymond?

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