The Dutch Oven: Sizzling News Outta Vegas

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Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

  • Darren Oliver and David Weathers Earn Their Day in the Spotlight: Oliver and Weathers were the only two players to accept arbitration offers from their teams, respectively, the Angels and the Reds. All the other dudes are ready to dip their toes in the free agent market including superstars CC Sabathia, Manny Ramirez, and Mark Grudzielanek.

  • Tigers First Team to Sup from the Texas Catching Teat: The Rangers have a surplus of catchers and the Tigers do not. Therefore and henceforth, it makes sense that the Tigers took backstop Gerard Laird outta Arlington in exchange for Detroit's fifth-best ranked pitching prospect, as per Baseball America. Laird will continue the great Tiger catching tradition started by Mickey Cochrane and continued by Brandon Inge.

  • Kenny Williams Trades Players With Aplomb, Great Consistency: Rumour has it that the White Sox are about to send Jermaine Dye to Cincinnati in exchange for pitcher Homer Bailey. Bailey was 0-6 with a 7.93 ERA in eight starts with the Reds last year while Dye successfully defended a creampie attack and injured his teammate in the process. Yes, this was the most interesting thing Jermaine Dye did all year.

  • Rinku Fends Off the Ladies, Learns to Throw Darts: Rinku Singh has finally responded to the Babewatch Controversy of 2008, saying that he is not interested at all in American women and restating his preference for Indian women. Then Neil sir taught him to play darts and claimed to be the inspiration for the movie Snakes on a Plane.

  • Hideki Matsui Chooses New Locker in New Yankee Stadium: At least until he is traded to the Giants for Matt Cain, Hideki Matsui has a place to hang his hat in the new building across the street. The Japanese media follow every move Matsui makes with the efforts of a dozen CNN foreign bureaus and the locker choice (across the room from Jeter's!) is no different. The locker contains several hidden compartments for tentacle porn.

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While Gerard Laird pronounces his new home city's name "Day-twa," Gerald Laird is scarfing down his patented breakfast mixture of Pixie-Sticks and Splenda.

Don't knock it till ya try it.

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