Jeff Kent Frees Up Some Time for Truck-Washing, Homophobia

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The Dodgers issues a press release today warning the media that second baseman Jeff Kent will be announcing his retirement from the game of baseball after 17 years. The five-time All Star and 2000 NL MVP played 2298 games and hit a record 351 tater dongs as a second baseman. He also retired before we ever got to write a BONILLA projection for him. Jerk.

Without the pesky sport to take up hours of his precious life, Kent will now have a ton of spare time to besmirch Vin Scully's good name, fight gay marriage and "wash his truck", which totally doesn't involve doing stunts on his motorcycle.

(Picture borrowed gently from Flickr user malingering.)

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Look out deer population, Kent's got free time

Hall of Fame, yes.

First ballot, no.

I think every article about Jeff Kent should mention Barry Bonds in some way just to needle the both of them.

Jeff Kent was such a terrible fielder he needed TWO gloves in the infield.

Possibly the only Indians player I really hated. Jose Mesa doesn't count because my dislike for him goes so far beyond hate.

Sometimes people bitch about Kent getting the MVP in 2000 instead of Bonds. Those people are incorrect - Kent was a hard-ass that year. I know some jerkstores like to imagine there is no such thing as clutch hitters, but that year I saw many instances of a Bonds pop-out followed by a Kent dingdong in a late-inning situation. And I don't even like the Giants.

Then Bonds tripled his cycling dosage and went yard every at bat the next year.

Yeah, good player. But GREAT mustache. It alone should get this jerkoff into the HoF.

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