The Dodgers issues a press release today warning the media that second baseman Jeff Kent will be announcing his retirement from the game of baseball after 17 years. The five-time All Star and 2000 NL MVP played 2298 games and hit a record 351 tater dongs as a second baseman. He also retired before we ever got to write a BONILLA projection for him. Jerk.
Without the pesky sport to take up hours of his precious life, Kent will now have a ton of spare time to besmirch Vin Scully's good name, fight gay marriage and "wash his truck", which totally doesn't involve doing stunts on his motorcycle.
(Picture borrowed gently from Flickr user malingering.)