The Dutch Oven: Braising Down the Home Stretch

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Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

  • Dave Dombrowski Hopes and Prays That Kenny Rogers Is Really Retiring: Forty-four-year-old southpaw Kenny Rogers has been incommunicado this offseason, not returning any reporter's calls or emails. No matter to Tigers GM Dave Dombrowski because Rogers had a terrible year, going 3-7 record with a 7.93 ERA after the All-Star break and manager Jim Leyland is probably happy to see him gone. So am I.

  • Sean Casey Hangs Up His Mitt, Focuses On Crappy Vlog: Need a slick-fielding first baseman with a .300 career batting average and one of the best personalities in the game? Tough nuts, because Sean Casey is retiring to focus on his vlog. Wait a minute, I just read the article and it looks like he'll be joining the new MLB Network, where he'll parry and thrust with fellow good guy Harold Reynolds. Just don't accept any invitations to Boston Market, Sean.

  • Rinku and Dinesh Smell What The Rock Is Cookin': I'm not much of a fake wrestling fan (or real wrestling for that matter) but I've heard of The Rock because he's in movies. So have our pals Rinku and Dinesh, who got an early (late?) Christmas present from Mark sir: two autographed photos of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson! Says Dinesh, "If I meeting (sic) Rock i asking (sic) how he getting the muscules (sic) in (sic) biggest." Spinach, Dinesh. Spinach.

  • Nationals Let Fans Put Ticket Package on Layaway: Just like that new convertible sofa that you pay $6 a month for, Nats season tickets will now be available on layaway! Having trouble paying for season tickets for the worst team in the Western Hemisphere? No matter! Stan Kasten's new Grand Slam E-Z Payment Plan will let you pay off your tickets in six easy monthly payments of just $19.99! Act now and Stan the Man will throw in a Sham-Wow and TWO SNUGGIES!

  • Joe Torre Is a Backstabbing Guinea: I'm not nearly impartial enough to report on this matter in a calm and intelligent manner, so I'll just relate how I feel about Joe Torre's new book to you in six simple words: Joe Torre is dead to me. I am going to buy this book and then set it on fire along with my copy of Tim McCarver's "Baseball for Brain Surgeons".

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"I'm not much of a fake wrestling fan (because I was one of those second graders that thought he was better than everyone and sometimes stayed in at recess to help the teacher with her lesson plan) but I've heard of The Rock because he's in movies.

I just love St. Joe more and more. Between the revenue imbalance, the steroid use and now this book I'd be taking long, hot showers if I were a Yankee fan.

Dirty laundry never smelled so good as when it comes from the Yankee locker room.

Wait a minute . . . this still smells awful, clean that crap.

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