Your Official Hall of Fame Congratulatory Post: Rickey Henderson and Jim Rice

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Today, Rickey Henderson (94.8%) and Jim Rice (76.4%) were officially elected into the National Baseball Hall of Fame. They'll get lifetime passes to a big special building in Cooperstown, NY and a handful of half-off coupons at the local Denny's. The ceremony this summer will be a real hot ticket, if only to hear Henderson shed his typical humility and finally engage in some self-congratulations, and to hear Rice curse out all the sportswriters who made him wait this consarned long.

Make no mistake about it, Rickey Henderson belongs here. There is perhaps no better example of a baseball player who bridges the gap between old-school scouting types who enjoyed his grit and determination and new-school sabermetric types who stand in awe of his patience at the plate and his run production ability. Rickey's the kind of baseball player you want to see your kid emulate. Get some dirt on your pants, hustle out a double, and be confident and brash enough to tell everyone that you are the best player that ever played.

As for Jim Rice, he's not half the player Henderson was, and probably not statistically special enough to be in the hall. That whole nonsense about being the most-feared player was just a bunch of poppycock and applesauce, invented by the Boston faithful and pushed by curly-haired idiots. Still, Jim Rice is famous, if only for his long, Susan Lucci-esque failure to win the big prize. (Also, he probably enjoys Lucci's oeuvre, having admitted to watching Young and the Restless) It's almost as if being barely not good enough for election to the Hall of Fame justified his election to the Hall of Fame. That's why I'm glad that Jim Rice is a HOFer, if only to promote my bizarre theories.

Shame on the BBWAA for continually missing the boat on guys who should be slam dunk votes, like Bert Blyleven (62.7%), Mark McGwire (21.9%) and Tim Raines (22.6%). Perhaps in the future, sportswriters will be replaced by self-aware baseball android writers, each equipped with the ability to make quantitative judgments as well as qualitative ones, and brown cyber-fedoras with the PRESS card firmly stuck in the band. Until that day, we've got to at least make the flesh-and-bone baseball writers as knowledgeable as Posnanski.

UPDATE: Two writers submitted blank ballots. Blank. No names written down. Not one.

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UPDATE: Two writers submitted blank ballots. Blank. No names written down. Not one.

Those were actually Carl's Jr. receipts that were supposed to be submitted with an expense report. Now each of those guys is out, like, $8.50.

Blank? This is the Baseball Hall of Fame, not the S.A.T.

Rickey's speech is going to be a 15-minute monologue about how much Lou Brock sucks. Then he's going to draw a Groucho Marx mustache and glasses on Lou's placard.

These are your BBWAA voters, America.

Which is worse, the 2 who voted for no one or the 2 who voted for Jay Bell?

I just wonder if Rickey is going to do his entire induction speech in the 3rd person. I was standing next to him at a charity event a few years ago and he said to me "Hold Rickey's drink, he's gotta take a picture."

Purchase some blow from a gentleman who trades in such wares. DO ALL OF IT. Now, in spite of your brain's inability to focus for more than two seconds, the excruciating tingling restlessness in each and every extremity, the bone-dry Saharan just-ate-a-urinal-cake sensation in the back of your throat, and the blood in your mouth from unwittingly chewing a considerable hunk of your own cheek off, go hit against major league pitching purposefully and selectively until you are able to coax a walk.

Repeat 1,329 times and also knock out 2,605 hits so that only 40 men in the history of ever have gotten on base more times than you have.

Congratulations, 22.7% of retardeds comprehend how awesome you are.

The 2 who voted for Jay Bell should be punched in the nuts and have their privileges revoked, STAT.

More than anything, we will now get relief from having to hear bullshit stories about Jim Rice every year.

In fairness, the two who voted for Jay Bell thought they were voting for Buddy Bell.

@Phony, same for the 6 that voted for Mo Vaughn. seriously, wtf?

@tinker, maybe George Bell?

Congratulations Dr. Lingerie for perhaps the greatest comment in WoW history.

If/when Raines does finally get in, I think we now know who will be introducing him. He'll only have to update the vote percentage; the rest of the speech does not need any adjustments at all.

Jim Rice? Fuck it, might as well start polishing Albert Belle's plaque if standards are that low.

This is a travesty.

But then again, I said the same thing about Bruce Sutter.

Every time I start to get pissed about good-not-great players getting into the HOF like Rice, I remind myself that at least 30% of the members probably don't belong, and it's all politics, and Yankees-RedSox dominate, and I fucking hate everyone.

Get Dr. Lingerie on the line.

of course Jim Rice belongs in the hall of fame, he put up with a coked-out Roger Clemens for years. He deserved a frikken Medal of Honor.

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