Alex Rodriguez (And 103 Other Guys) Tested Positive For Steroids in 2003

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So the other day I told you about the secret list of players that tested positive for steroids during MLB's 2003 testing, and how Will Carroll was pretty sure it wouldn't stay secret for long. Well he was right and the "bombshell" on the list is apparently Alex Rodriguez.

Listen, you know our take on steroids around here. We're loathe to talk about them too much, especially when I'm just trying to eat an avocado and listen to Car Talk. But this is likely to be the biggest story in the sports news cycle for the next week, so we'd look silly without it here.

By all means, use this thread to talk about what this all means, though the answer to that seems obvious. The revelation of steroid use over the past few years hasn't done anything except ruin the legacy of those implicated. The public is the final arbiter of how your career is ultimately judged and Rodriguez could now be forever linked with McGwire, Clemens, Bonds and Chyna. That rookie picture is a reminder of what a strange trip it's been for Rodriguez over the years.

Just don't expect us to harp on this for the rest of the Spring when there is real baseball about to be played and there are so many great stories that happen during camp. This is just kind of a snooze, dude.

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"Way to take one for the team, A-Rod."

-- The other 103 guys.

I'm so excited; I just got my Super Secret Positive Test Advent Calendar and the first piece of candy is A-Rod. Sadly, it's just sugar, cocoa butter, and milk solids with brown food coloring. I can't wait to open tomorrow's... and the one after that... and I'm going to be violently ill in a week and have to keep cramming chocolate down my throat for three more months.

This is like taking Al Capone down for tax evasion but, as part of the trial, accidentally starting the second Great Chicago Fire that kills thousands. Then the IRS would claim that it was totally worth the loss of life and property to take down the horrible Al Capone.

Except it's not Al Capone; it's Fatty Arbuckle.

This reminds me of the time Rafael Palmeiro tried to inject Coke into my diet.

The feds just leaked this news to boot the Walkoff Walk Field Trip from the tip-top of the zeitgeist.

It's totally worth it to take down Garfield's owner. Wait, what?


Listicle of jokes that we are "too good for" on this website and probably won't be executing:

--Dude, I wonder if A-Rod took his shots in the ass?
--Anything involving A-Fraud
--Wondering if he was on 'roids when he executed "the slap" in 2004
--Yankees suck
--Asking if he didn't know what he was taking because he is just Dominican enough to not understand English (but not Dominican enough to play for the team in the WBC).
--Other Deadspin-related material.

That said, I will try to combine all of these:

Dude, I wonder if A-Fraud knew what Madonna stuck in his Dominican ass before "the slap" in 2004?


Did that do it?

You missed the headline writer's dream: A-ROID!?!

This is why you are here, Colonel. Thank you.

As always, the mainstream press will laud Derek Jeter for not being on the list and fail to realize that it's only because he can't inject to his left.

You think this is something, wait until the name they're gonna reveal on Monday.


Obama injected hope and change into the country's collective right cheek.

My new fantasy baseball team name: MadonnastuckassDominicanslap

The media keep blaming the players for cheating, and the owners for knowing but turning a blind eye. They keep forgetting to include themselves in the cuplability equation.

In the mid-to-late 90s, I was in High School. I knew a fair amount of kids my age juicing (imagine how many do it now in High School?) and we, a bunch of kids, knew Pro Athletes were obviously juicing. If a bunch of 15 and 16 year olds knew what was going on, the media had to as well. Either they knew and were complicit just like the owners, or they didn't know and were therefore unbelievably incompetent. Either way they deserve scorn and should be forced to squeeze Marty Cordova's butt-zits.

I forgot to add in my diatribe: I have long taken the stance that every single athlete is guilty. Call it me being jaded or just not being naive, but it makes watching sports better. Just assume everyone is guilty and then everyone is even.

I'd rather talk about Car Talk.

At this point I think Bob Shepherd was the only Yankee who wasn't on steroids, and I'm beginning to suspect him.

At this point I think Bob Shepherd was the only Yankee who wasn't on steroids, and I'm beginning to suspect him.


This week marked the 100th consecutive episode where I didn't get the puzzler.

Chief, nice Guy CLark reference.

I've just tested positive for tardiness and ambivalence.

Why don't you guys go [profane] yourselves.

I'm gonna go yell at all the names that weren't on that list for not trying hard enough to help their team.

If somebody would inject Dmitri Young's fat ass with anything other than insulin perhaps the Nats would win a few next year.

I just tested negative for belief that it's butter.

I just tested positive for 85% Butterfat. Rocking the Strauss Creamery style:

Scott Van Pelt is unavailable for comment.

Clu Haywood tested positive. "Wild Thing" Ricky Vaughan was that good.

The found The Clear in Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez's PF Flyers.

Crash Davis' blood was retested and they found some designer drugs. And greenies. Tons upon tons of greenies. Minor-League homer record TAINTED. Legacy DESTROYED. Movie still WATCHABLE.

Also, I think Sarandon had 'roids in her vagina, so Tim Robbins whole career is in jeopardy.

Ray Kinsella's field was full of genetically modified corn. Bastard.

Dottie Hinson took bovine growth hormone to prepare for her AAPGL tryout at Wrigley. Kit was on to her, so hey shipped her off to Racine.


Local Aston Martin dealers and Five Guys franchisees celebrate, area sports columnists go back to writing about McNabb.

Andruw Jones signs with the Rangers. Closest proximity to plantain farms said to factor into his decision

They should turn him into a pitcher.


/obligatory poor Dugout imitation

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