Glendale's Spring Training Oasis Of Love

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Remember last Spring when the Dodgers were leaving Vero and everyone acted like their grandparents were getting divorced? Well Grandpa's gotta a fancy new dame out in Arizona that he, um, has to share with the White Sox. The brand spankin' new Camelback Ranch Glendale opens this week and it has some pretty lux amenities. Let's forget about The Xtreme Depressionâ“’ (that's what we're calling it here) for a second and get excited about this shining new tribute to opulence out in the snoozy Arizona desert. Some of the bells and whistles:

A 2-acre lake, which will eventually be stocked for fishing, meanders through the complex. The reclaimed water will be used to irrigate. fields.

Fishing? Irrigation? If only the Joads had been going to Spring Training, tragedy may have been averted. What are the odds that Ned Colletti catches a stud starting pitcher and throws him back?

Fans can listen to live music on game days at a bandstand alongside the lake.

Dude, I hope it's Aces n Eights. They slay.

Spectators will find more fences around White Sox practice fields, while the Dodgers are more open to allow for player-fan interaction, as was tradition at their former spring home in Vero Beach, Fla.

Ha ha. Silly plebian. You have the gall to think you can get anywhere NEAR Lance Broadway? Not on your life. He's up here and you're down here. But got the urge to stab Jonathan Broxton? Have at it!

Among 12 practice fields are two replicas with exact dimensions of U.S. Cellular Field in Chicago and Dodgers Stadium in LA.

To add to the realism there is crippling traffic outside the Dodgers' replica and you don't wanna be around the White Sox one once the sun goes down. Trust me.

About 5,000 plants and trees, including an orange grove, are being planted. Even the batter's eye is largely made of Afghan pines.

And all advance scouts from other clubs are Taliban. The Camelback Ranch Glendale, come get your spectator on!

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Fishin while you watch Spring Training? That's retired redneck heaven

What fish are native to . . . the desert?

You cover Nazareth AND Robert Palmer? And "New Material Added Often"? Aces n Eights -- you got the goods.

A two acre lake? That's a small pond not a lake.

Lake water to be reclaimed via the Lasorda Swirly, and should not be considered potable.

The Dodgers, to the east, separate major and minor league players in two clubhouses.

This used to get really ugly in the 80s when all of the black and hispanic players would mysteriously spend all of spring training "in the minors."

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