Tonight's Questions

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Hey kids, that's just the way we get by.

  • WON'T you join me in wishing our own Kris Liakos a happy birthday? He's a virile 27 today, but years of drinking and hard living have aged his body like a healthy 8,255-year-old.

  • WHAT the heck is Joe Crede doing asking for $7 million in salary this year? Ty Wigginton is only getting $3 million and he can actually hit.

  • WHEN is Bobby Abreu gonna get a job? If he only makes a Wigginton-esque $3 million this season, I'm going to start a bake sale to raise money for the guy.

  • DO you really think the Yankees will allow but 673 runs this season and lead the majors? Sure, they have the best rotation in baseball, but their defense is stinkeroo. And hey, the Orioles scoring 5.3 runs per game? That's an absolutely Liakosian prediction.

  • ARE you gonna watch that A-Rod/Peter Gammons interview tonight? I will. Heck, I can't remember the last time SportsCenter was appointment viewing for me. Probably college, which is why I can't remember it.

That's all the fun we have for you today (/turns pockets inside out, lint falls out). Please join us tomorrow, where we'll compare the players in the latest steroid scandal to characters in Henry James' 1877 novel, The Portrait of a Lady.

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I hate Mondays.

For your birthday, we are shipping Darren to Abu Dhabi.

Happy B-day Kris, hope it's a good one.

I hope the role of Lord Warburton will be played by Guillermo Mota.

Oh, and Happy Birthday to Kris. I was an utter dipshit when I was 27, so you've already got me there. Don't kill yourself tonight.

That's it Kris, to celebrate your birthday I'm going to smoke and then head over to Hill Country for the all you can eat BBQ special. If I don't come back send a cardiologist and a stent.

This is the age all the good rock stars die.

Good think Kris sings like a wallaby in heat.

Happy Birthday sir, may you bed someone cuter than Nermal this eve.

It's a good thing that Garfield is connected to Kris because Rob is definitely Jon Arbuckle.

Happy Birthday, Kris.
May the lasagna flow and the drinks be free.

Way to be, Kris. Torture the mailman a little longer today.

Happy Birthday Kris, drink the good beer and lots of it tonight.

A-Rod: Guilty of being naive. Rob Iracane: Guilty of being too forgiving.

I just turned my reaction dial to the negative side when he attacked that poor, innocent journalist "lady".

And Tim Kurkijian characterizes A-rod as "surprisingly forthcoming".

I know we're not supposed to talk about the EroidsSty around here, but Rob started it!

Happy birthday, Kris. Enjoy the bacon.

I think A-Rod's interview is more in-step with Crane'sMaggie: A Story of the Streets than Portrait of a Lady, but I am a Naturalism guy. Just how I roll.

Hey, a lot of you guys listen to hipster crap. Has anyone heard of a band called Great Northern? Am I gay for liking a song they have?

I mean, gayer than normal.

And by the way, Happy Birthday Kris. By now it is 1am where you are. I hope you are wasted and tickling some cooter with your beard.

I like Northern State, but who doesn't have a thing for Long Island Japs who make hip hop records?

happy birthday, party like it is 1999 or ten years later or something like that.

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