What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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Players are doin' stuff! Playing light catch. Running some easy foul poles. Stretching. You know, the kind of pansy stuff that works out all the cobwebs that built up while they were sitting around drinking Bud Light and customizing their trucks all Winter. Even though a dead retarded monkey could handle the first week of camp, some guys are still all laid up with new injuries. Welcome to your first Creampuff of the '09 Season.

  • Alex Romero, Snakes: Romero got hit by a pitch in Venezuela and will miss about two weeks after X-Rays revealed a fracture. I wonder if "hit by a pitch" is code for "campaigned against the term limit referendum."

  • JD Drew, Red Sox: Florida State Seminole JD Drew had complained last week that the back pain that interrupted his 2008 season was still kind of a problem. Now he says that it's nothing to really worry about and he won't be missing any workouts or time. And people say Doan's doesn't work. Ha!

  • Jeff Francis, Rockies: Jeff Francis showed up at Rockies camp just to tell them he's gonna have shoulder surgery and miss the whole year. Yet he still has no problem breaking up with girls via text.

  • Aaron Miles, Cubs: Raped by a wallaby.

  • Toby Hall, Astros: Hall has been shut down until doctors can find the source of his shoulder pain. The Astros are concerned because, "Humberto Quintero, J.R. Towles and Rule 5 pick Lou Palmisano are the others fighting for the two catcher's slots on the roster." Wasn't J.R. Towles supposed to be good?

  • Mike Hampton, Astros: Mike Hampton was sent home last week with an irregular heartbeat, but everything was deemed ok. Why is he appearing on Creampuff then? Don't blame me, it's the law.

  • Boof Bonser, Twins: Bonser has an MRI set for Monday to get to the bottom of his sore shoulder. A source told me that he started applying deodorant with a hammer this offseason, so that could be part of it.

  • Adrian Beltre, Yuniesky Betancourt, Mariners: Beltre has a sore shoulder and Betancourt has a stiff hamstring. Hear all about it on Geoff Baker LIVE! even though "If people want to act like imbeciles, I can't walk into their living rooms and tell them to grow up."

  • Mike Maroth, Blue Jays: Maroth is going to try and pitch with a torn meniscus. I'm already predicting this to be the worst, and only, 2/3 of an inning Maroth will pitch all year.

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The return of the Creampuff is like a songbird perched on a freshly budding tree, but much less smug and annoying. FUCK YOU BIRDS I'M TRYIN' A SLEEP!

Wasn't J.R. Towles supposed to be good?

He was but he forgot. Let him get high.

Don't forget to bring your Towles

How's Scott Rolen doing?

Rob, shhhh. Scott's reading.

J.D. Drew has to eat! So he can take his back pill!

Aaron Miles, you flew too close to the sun with wings of vegemite.

Fuck you guys kill me.

Rolen is great, so great he doesn't have to show up to camp till he damn well feels like it.

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