Who Killed Jose Canseco?

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It was Professor Plum in the kitchen with the tombstone blues! No it wasn't. In fact no one has killed him yet, but former power hitter and 1983 ROY, Ron Kittle thinks it's only a matter of time.

"My first thought was: 'I wonder who's going to be the first one to shoot him,' " Kittle said Monday. "I still think somebody who might have had their life ruined might take vengeance on him. If I were [Canseco], I would think about that.

Canseco, Kittle said, crossed a line when he chose to expose others. "There is a sign in just about every clubhouse: 'What you see here, what you say here, let it stay here when you leave here,' " he said.

Kittle claims he never used steroids but uh... his strong homicidal feelings about the story lead me to believe otherwise. Then again, some dudes are just really into that whole fraternal wall of silence thing. In any case, let's extend Ron Kittle's brief reemergence into public by placing odds on who will be the first person to shoot Jose Canseco.

  • Alex Rodriguez, 20:1 - Would absolutely end up on TMZ hiding in the bushes outside Canseco's house and tell the paparazzi he was looking for his Uncle's watch or something.

  • Sammy Sosa, 15:1 - No tengo un arma. ¿Qué es un arma?

  • Rafael Palmeiro, 7:1 - Ended career as DH. Likes specialization. More likely to hire hitman.

  • Mark McGwire, 4:1 - Always seemed like the kind of guy to already own a gun. Also seemed like the kind of guy to tie them into pretzel shapes if his kid spilled a glass of water. Too many unknowns about his arsenal.

  • Mark David Chapman, 80:1

  • Roger Clemens, 3:1 - Running out of options to prove his innocence. Quickly resembling a rat in a maze looking for a piece of cheese that isn't there. From Texas, where people have guns everywhere including the fridge.

  • Bud Selig 2:5 - The betting window closes in a half hour and Bud's odds go down with each passing second. Place your wagers now.

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17 Comments

Magglio Ordonez 10:1

That picture will never get off the ground now.

what are the odds on "the field"?

Ozzie Canseco, 50:1

Ron Kittle will hide the murder weapon in the furniture he makes out of bats.

Also, he loves using the rare AAAA rhyme scheme for his poetry:
What you see here,
What you say here,
Let it stay here
When you leave here.

Those benches would look great if I had a basement. And was 10.

I'll wait for Kerry Kittles opinion, thank you very much.

Former White Sock Ron Kittle: blowing shit way out of proportion since 2009.

Pete Rose: Sorry, your money's no good here. Take a hike.

Y.A. Tittle thinks steroids and baseball are for queers.

Nothing says "hopelessly wealthy and irreversibly dumb" quite like an uncomfortable, tacky, and poorly constructed $3000 bench.

/fears he has angered Kittle

Tony LaRussa, in the study, with the lead pipe. CHECK IT!

I liked this site so much more before it sold out ----------------------------------------------------------------------->

THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE BLUES TRAVELER OF BASEBALL BLOGS.

Ix-nay on the ellout-say. I NEEDED THAT MONEY, KAREN!

Gotta move more shrimp shirts!

I was bothered that the first line didn't read "what you say here, what you see here" to better support the internal rhyme scheme. Everything else I don't care about.

I'm with MDT.

And Honeynut.

Go figure. I ignored the "say / see / stay / leave" thing, mainly because rhyming "here" with "here", "here", and "here" makes me want to punch things.

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