Baseball Before Bedtime: Bright Yellow Gun

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Here's what happened in baseball yesterday while you thought you needed a little poison:

Marlins 16, Mets 8: There's good news, and there's bad news, and there's Mets news, which is always a melange of both. Johan Santana pitched three innings and appeared to be healthy and happy despite allowing a ding-dong to Dan Uggla. Tim Redding, a candidate for the fifth rotation spot, went two innings in relief and allowed nine runs. Wait, did I hear a niner in there?

Padres 10, Brewers 10: Walkoff Walk favorite Kyle Blanks smashed a three run tater tot off Brewers vet Jeff Suppan in a game that ended just as knotted up as your stomach after you saw Sophie's Choice. Suppan got hit hard but didn't suffer a loss, as Corey Hart, Prince Fielder, and Jason Kendall also collected homers. I guess you could call that Suppan's Rejoice.

Rangers 9, Mariners 1: Brandon McCarthy was stout for four scoreless innings and his offense backed him up with some firepower. Taylor Teagarden tater-totted and Marlon Byrd had three RBI. Jarrod Washburn took the loss. In other Mariners nooze you can't use, Seattle is about to make a deal with former Nat Chad Cordero. To pitch for them, not to sell peanuts.

Dodgers 4, South Korea 2: Manny didn't play, but Chin-lung Hu did. Hu's bases-bloated single in the bottom of the eighth lifted the Dodgers to a win over their eternal rivals, the South Koreans. The Dodgers sac-bunted thrice, a fact that ticked off beat writer Tony Jackson to no end. Tony, you are my man. The sac bunt is a big fat waste, and if Joe Torre keeps calling for it, you should give him a purple nurple. Other fun Tony Jackson fact: "The Korean roster featured eight guys whose last name was Lee and two guys whose last name was Park." Hee!

Rockies 6, Angels 4: Youngster Ian Stewart smashed a three-run happy jack off Angels starter John Lackey, part of Stewart's stellar 2-for-5 day that also saw him barehand a slow-roller at third to throw out Torii Hunter, and save a kitty from an elm tree. Huston Street is feeling much better, thank you, and retired the side in the fifth inning.

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Brandon McCarthy is a little teapot.

Taylor Teagarden is a little McCarthy.

I like having my spout handled.

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