Baseball Before Bedtime: Delirious

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Here's what happened in baseball yesterday when you lost all self-control:

Pirates 2, Reds 1: Homer Bailey threw three scoreless frames and departed the game with his head held high and both his arms perfectly intact. The 22-year-old has faced some hard times in the majors but still has quite a long way to go before Dusty Baker overuses him to the point of injury. Zach Duke also went three innings without allowing a run but nobody cares because he is not nearly as colorful.

Tigers 7, Moccasins 1: Good news, Detroit fans! Your star pitching acquisition from the offseason, Edwin Jackson, pitched quite well and was supported by his offense in a tidy win! Of course the win came against a bunch of college kids but hey, you gotta enjoy the small victories too. Joel Zumaya pitched one shutout inning and Jeremy Bonderman got sent back to the D with an aching arm. Whoops!

Padres 4, Brewers 3: No, Trevor Hoffman did not make the trip from Brewers camp to visit his old team, but he sent his well-wishes and a 64 oz bottle of tanning cream to his old pal Brian Giles. Emil Brown inexplicably hit a three-run tater tot.

Mariners 5, White Sox 3: Jose Contreras and Bartolo Colon emerged from their hyperbaric chambers just long enough to throw actual pitches off an actual mound prior to the Sox 5-3 loss to the Mariners. Someone named Reggie Corona doubled in two runs for the M's; after the game, Corona returned to his original planet of Zarklox where he can re-energize his inner strength.

Astros 5, Yankees 5: Chien-Ming Wang and Mike Hampton were the starters in this contest; Wang went two innings without allowing a run while Hampton went the same distance but allowed four runs and six hits. Good work, Ed Wade! Angel Berroa inexplicably hit a tater dong.

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I don't think I've ever seen a bass player look nearly as bored as that guy did in that video. Lounging bass player yesterday, bored-out-of-his-skull bass player today. Brilliant!

I'd more readily believe Angel Berroa attacked a bag of potatoes with his bat.

That was Jabba the Bass Player.

I love Dr. Sparkles songs about Timocil.

looks like "inexplicably" is the word of the day.


Oh yeah, inexplicably so.

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