Baseball Before Bedtime: Does He Love You

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Here's what happened in baseball yesterday while you were sobbing all alone:

Giants 8, Cubs 6: Alfonso Soriano started the onslaught of offense off starter Tim Lincecum with a first inning tater tot. Lincecum was eventually chased after allowing four runs in 3 2/3 innings. Sounds like digital Lincecum avatar didn't establish his dominance with his fastball as he was instructed! He's probably wandering around the clubhouse sans towel right now! Cats and dogs, laying down together! It's the end of times!

Pirates 4, Twins 3 (10): Pirate Anderson Machado singled in Jeff Salazar for the winning run in the tenth. Twin starter Francisco Liriano had his first bad outing of the spring, walking four but only allowing one earned run. Everyone's favorite outfielder Eric Hinske made his gallant return to the Pittsburgh lineup after recovering from a borkened ribcage, going 0-for-2 and only pissing off seven of his teammates with his crummy attitude.

Rangers 9, Padres 4: The big news out of the Cactus League yesterday is that Texas slugger Josh Hamilton laid down a bunt that turned into a big Ranger rally. His first inning bunt single was gutsy and showed his true character of overcoming tough situations like drug addictions and third basemen who play way too far back. Fella went 3-for-3 while starter Brandon McCarthy threw four hitless innings. Wow, really? The Padres must be stinkerino.

Rays 7, Reds 3: A seven-run fifth inning carried Tampa Bay and their pitcher Jason Hammel to a tidy win over the Fightin' Dusty Bakers. Hammel went four innings, allowing three runs, and will probably get the fifth starter slot because the Rays don't want to rush David Price's precious development. Edinson Volquez threw three scoreless innings despite putting 8 runners on base and pitching with a small dog on a leash on the mound with him.

Venezuela 10, USA 6: In a game marred by rain and the fact that the US had exactly one player on its bench, the Venezuelan team advances as the winners of the round and will face the loser of the Japan/Korea match, since Japan beat and therefore eliminated Cuba. ADIOS, FIDEL!

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That is impressive audio for a live performance. It helps that hipsters are some of the quietest concertgoers out there.

That Josh Hamilton sure is a stud. He's still no Sizemore, though.

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