Baseball Before Bedtime: Sister Morphine

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Here's what happened in baseball yesterday while you lied in your hospital bed:

Yankees 10, Phillies 2: WFC stars Ryan Howard and Chase Utley collected solo ding-dongs off Yanks starter Joba Chamberlain but the homer parade didn't step off until New York got into the act. Hideki Matsui, Cody Ransom, Nick Swisher and Melky Cabrera each homered off the Phillies pitchers, including Carlos Carrasco, who was charged for four runs in five innings. About Utley and Howard's shots, Chamberlain said, "They hit good pitches in hitter's counts. That's what they get paid to do." Heck yes, and you get paid to aim your fastball for Utley's graham cracker hip, Joba.

Mariners 10, Royals 9: Mike Sweeney drove in Ronny Cedeno in the ninth to finish up a three-run comeback for the Mariners. Russell Branyan, my starting third baseman in the WoW fantasy league, hit his fifth tater dong of the spring and that still means something even if it came off His Royal Highness Prince Sidney Ponson of Slobenia.

Blue Jays 7, Braves 5: Derek Lowe looks like a good investment, Braves fans. Dude struck out seven Jays in six innings and, despite the lack of firepower on that Toronto team, it's still a real mitzvah for the aging wormballer. Braves rookie CF Jordan Schafer's two hits raised his spring average to .383; he also notched an assist throwing out a runner at home. Home plate, not his two-month rental in Kissimmee.

Brewers 11, Rangers 10: Did you know Braden Looper juiced, y'all? Ferreals, as per beat writer Anthony Witrado, Looper was overly excited for his big start and surrendered a bunch of runs because of it. Sez Braden, "Obviously it didn't go quite as good as I wanted it to, but I felt good physically. I just wasn't able to make enough good pitches down in the zone. I felt most of them I was making decent pitches but they were missing by a little bit, so they were jam shots or bloopers." Mike Cameron scored the winning run from third on a wild pitch. Walkoff Wild Pitch has a nice ring to it.

Marlins 11, Orioles 6: Emilio Bonifacio had five RBI. Anibal Sanchez allowed eleven hits and six runs in five innings and still got the win. Anibal, you owe Emilio a five-dollar footlong falafel wrap from Al Sa'idway.

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Should we have a pool to guess when the first walkoff walk of the upcoming season will occur? The winner could get like............nothing, so it will be easy, meaningless and damn near effortless for anyone involved.

This way we can all see what it's like to be in the AL Central.

I would prefer it if you made fun of the NL West next time. That fruit hangs lower.

Derek Lowe looks like a good investment, Braves fans


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