Mystery In Pirates Camp: Why Is Jose Tabata Married To A 43 Year Old?

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Strange story down here out of Florida. I actually saw it yesterday while watching the noon news and eating a Boar's Head Chicken Breast Sandwich. When it first appeared on my TV it was a rather nondescript Amber Alert saying that an infant had been taken from a health clinic in Plant City (Home of The Florida Strawberry Festival) and may be on its way to the Miami area. Well as details came out last night, they were related to baseball! And the baby was unharmed! Jackpot! But parts of the news release were, well, disturbing.

Amalia Tabata Pereira, 43, was being questioned by Florida detectives in Manatee County, where the baby girl was found unharmed Tuesday afternoon, a day after she was taken from the clinic. Plant City Chief of Police Bill McDaniel said authorities are looking to charge Pereira with false imprisonment.

She is the wife of Jose Tabata, 20, an outfielder and one of the top three prospects for the Pirates, who train in Bradenton, which is in the county where the infant was found. In a statement, Pirates president Frank Coonelly said they have received "no indication that Jose is believed to have had any involvement in this matter."

Dude. Jose, why the hell are you married to a 43 year old? I'm all for dating a woman a few years older than you, but you're a highly touted prospect. You're supposed to be out there doing things that a young potentially-wealthy-in-the-future star athlete is supposed to do. Marrying someone the same age as your mother is not one of those things. You don't see Rinku out there dating Bonnie Hunt do you? I mean, that would be hilarious if it happened, but it's not.

I understand you can't comment on the case yet, pending an investigation blah blah blah, but you gotta clue me in on this marriage. Did she have a bangin' dowry or something? And not only is she twice your age... SHE'S ANIMAL CRACKERS!

Jose, we're only telling you all this for your own good. Perhaps her attempted kidnapping of a baby for totally unexplained reasons is a miracle in disguise. An intervention from the Plant City Strawberry Gods. I don't even care if she goes to jail, I just want you to move on and start dating some good looking young lass from Pittsbur... well you know what I mean. You guys travel a lot, she doesn't have to be from Pittsburgh.

In any case, there wasn't anything on today's news about Tabata but there was this wacky courtroom brawl. Noon news rules.


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18 Comments

SPOTTED! Indian slumdog pitching sensation Rinku Singh and television talkstress Bonnie Hunt canoodling in a corner booth at Bradenton hotspot Olive Garden! More on this developing story later tonight on Extra!

This story takes Mommy Dearest to another level.

In my mind, every noon news in Florida is like a Errol Morris short subject documentary.

You know what they say; the older the berry, the sweeter the juice.

Every once in a while I will venture into the "mature" section of my favorite aloe time websites for a change a pace but I wouldn't to to always have to chose from that section.

alone time

I think aloe time works too.

I guess it would

Aloe definitely works. Vera much so.

Vera Miles works, too. At least for me.

That's what she said?

"Aloe time websites" is the current leader in the clubhouse for Freudian Slip O' The Year

I had to see Harold and Maude for a class in college. I do not recomend it. It was worse than seeing Jack Black make out with that old chick in The Office

Why is she Amalia Tabata Pereira, and not Amalia Pereira Tabata? I thought only Portland commies constructed their given/married names like that. Or, maybe she's his mom. Maybe this whole thing is some White Stripes sort of ruse.

Harold & Maude is a great movie you troglodyte. Hal Ashby would eat your lunch.

Ashby's Shampoo is one of my all time favorites. What a genius movie.

He better not eat my lunch. I get really hungry

Look what Bud Cort looks like now
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001069/mediaindex

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