Texas Rangers Will Start the 2009 Season With a Big Dumb W

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As per Mike Hindman at D Magazine's Inside Corner blog, ex-President and former team owner George W. Bush will throw out the first pitch at next Monday's home opener in Arlington. He hasn't shown up for a game at Arlington since 2000, when he was governor of Texas. Team owner Tom Hicks and team president Nolan Ryan invited W to open the 2009 season for the Rangers; if Bush's first pitch is a strike, he'll immediately make the roster as a fifth starter. If Bush's first pitch ends up in the dirt, he'll only end up as a long reliever.

Way back in the pre-Wild Card era of 1988, Bush headed up a team of investors to purchase the middling Texas franchise. He borrowed $600,000 to get his stake and ten years later, made a tidy 2300% profit after selling the reigning AL West division winning Rangers to Hicks. The Rangers have made exactly one playoff appearance since the sale and are obviously looking to parlay some of that ol' W magic into some new found success. I take it the entire Rangers ownership team is not familiar with Bush's VORP, or Value Over Replacement President.

UPDATE: Our wise and brilliant commenter The Colonel points out that in our earlier "When Will Dubya Show Up at a Baseball Game?" post, commenter spikerogan totally won with his prediction.

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"Some of the Colombian fell off your key and got onto your tie, George."

Commenter spikerogan wins.

Nolan's fire engine red short-shorts will be the perfect venue to showcase his raging "real American" boner when he gets to meet GWB.

His first pitch will no doubt be better than this one.


Fartie, isn't that what he traded Sammy Sosa for?

UU, W would NEVER go to the left. Even throwing a bawl.

I knew you were a God-damned liberal Rob. I knew it.

I knew you were a God-damned liberal Rob. I knew it.

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