Turn on your television sets, it's time to watch Team America travel across our northern border to take on Team Canada in the WBC! Derek Jeter looks to avenge both the USA's 2006 WBC loss to their doughy northern neighbors AND his ridiculously unfair second place finish to sham 2006 AL MVP winner Justin Morneau. Your starting pitchers today will be Jake Peavy for the US and Mike Johnson for Canada. Wait, who?
"I wish Mike all the best," said the U.S. starter, the former Cy Young Award winner Jake Peavy. "Is it Mike? Sorry."
Yes, it is Mike Johnson, a 33-year-old right-hander from Edmonton, Alberta, who pitched in 81 games for the Orioles and the Expos from 1997 through 2001. He was 7-14 with a 6.85 earned run average.
Oh right, that Mike Johnson. Nice burn, Peavs. Anyway, if you're looking for some intelligent analysis, don't go to Drunk Jays Fans. But if you're looking for some unbridled jingoism and seal-clubbing YouTube videos, by all means, be my guest.
Enjoy the game today, and if you're rooting for Morneau to do well, you're either Canadian or a terrorist Twins fan who hates freedom. Join us in the comments section!