It's Saturday night, it's actually starting to look like spring, it's the second round of the World Baseball Classic! Thanks to somewhat bizarre format that doesn't measure all wins equally, Team America must take on the mighty Puerto Ricans.
Tonight's game is being played on somewhat neutral ground in Miami with the US of A sending Jake Peavy against the emotionally crippled Javy Vasquez. The United States will be without starting second baseman Dustin Pedroia (creampuffed), non-Putz closer Brian Fuentes (initially bereaved but eventually creampuffed) , and manager Davey Johnson (stepfather of the groom aka crabpuffed).
Barry Larkin will take the helm tonight, auditioning for a real managing job with a thankless role bereft of credit but ready-made for all the blame. Good luck Barry! Internet sensation Chipper Jones took batting practice and felt good, attributing most of his positivity to the "humongous manatee he bagged Friday morning." He'll be limited to DH duties tonight, leaving plenty of time to pack his own buckshots between at bats.
Team Puerto Rico comes in undefeated and more motivated than I can possible fathom. Clubhouse bragging rights are one thing, but colonial bragging rights live forever. Geovany Soto will be the designated hitter and motivational whistleblower for the PR. Your lineups:
In a word, this game should be incredible. These are two great teams that are assembled in very different ways. No questions asked Victorino has his work cut out for him, chasing balls around a massive field between one marginal outfielder and another grossly incompetent one. The PR team's defense is solid, but they certainly can't match up with the excellent bullpen and the top to bottom offense of the US. These are two favorites to win the whole tournament, sucks they have to play so soon.
The glogtential is pretty low tonight, but show your fierce national pride or your fierce xenophobic prejudice with some hearty comment banter. USA! USA!