Did you know that Rimadyl, a pain reliever for dogs, was originally made for humans? It proved successful but was later withdrawn on "commercial grounds." You try keeping up with those marketing bastards at Aleve. They never sleep. So now if your dog has arthritis he eats it. Maybe we can ship some to the following fragile pups.
- Chipper Jones, Braves: Larry took swings from both sides of the plate, did some fielding and says he's ready for the second round of the WBC in Miami after straining his oblique. Go getcha some Arepas, Chipstick.
- Marcus Thames, Tigers: More strained stomach muscles. 2009 is the Year Of The Abdomen. Mark my words. I'm the baseballblogosphere's second most prominent injury guy. Thames will miss about a week, but the oblique has this column on lockdown.
- Alfredo Amezaga, Marlins: What was just a tweak two weeks ago is now a sprain that's going to keep him out 4-6 weeks. I don't have any more jokes about him. Wish I did. Sorry.
- Chris Volstad, Marlins: Volstad left the Marlins' game against the Cardinals after taking a line drive off his thigh. No word on whether it was the blue or yellow one.
- Joe Saunders, Brian Fuentes, Angels: Saunders has tightness in his shoulder, Fuentes has tightness in his back. Neither have tightness in their rhymes. Terrible, terrible rappers. But srsly Angels pitchers got some health problems.
- Joe Mauer, Twins: Mauer has an inflammation of the right sacroiliac joint which, I learned this week, makes his butt hurt
- Erik Bedard, Mariners: Bedard strained his buttocks which, I learned in kindergarten, makes his butt hurt.
- Fernando Perez, Rays: Perez is going to be out 3 months with a dislocated wrist. Perez says it would actually have been an easier recovery if he had just broken the wrist. Once I finish dictating this column I'll get him the number of my bookie.
Erik Bedard has a faulty fun cooker.
My wife learned on our honeymoon that too much Tequila and not enough lube can make your butt hurt
I think I may have broken my hand opening a beer bottle. Too ashamed to have it x-rayed.
DUDE YOU CAN KEEP YOUR FANCY DOG DRUGS I AM A HUNDRED PERCENT REAL DEAL. IN FACT TIGERPAWCLUB I BET YOU DO ALL KINDS OF UPPERS AND DOWNERS AND IN BETWEENS THATS HOW YOU GET YOUR ROCKS OFF AND FRANKLY ITS DISGUSTING. YOU DONT STAY ON TOP OF THE CHARTS LIKE I HAVE FOR SO LONG BY MESSING AROUND WITH JUNK NOPE JUST PLENTLY OF LEAN MEATS JERKY BISCUITS AND UNPASTORIZED MILK FOR ME.
Just say you were doing something else, like masturbating vigorously.
And then punching your mom in the face
I hereby request that the sex move of masturbating vigorously and then punching your any WoW commenter's mom in the face should be referred to as a "the Baked Plantain."
The inventor of the baked plantain:
http://blogs.tampabay.com/breakingnews/2009/03/dade-city-mom-c.html
Actually, the Grand Berry (or the Land O'Lakes) is a pretty good name for it too.