A Journey Into The Mouth Of Insanity: Richard Griffin's Power Rankings

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Early on in WoW history I declared my love for the Blue Jays blog over at the Toronto Star. It wasn't that it was very insightful or anything. It was just really weird. At some point I stopped reading any of them except Richard Griffin. He's the only one that shows up in my RSS feed. But that's fine because as far as totally insane Blue Jays coverage, he's all I need. Last winter I characterized his writing as fueled by cheap hooch and diminishing faculties. Well judging by the latest installment of his "Griff's Power Rankings" his light speed trip to dementia is progressing well. For those of you unfamiliar with the GRP, it's an arbitrary list of what he thinks are the best teams in baseball followed by a one liner. Which rarely has anything to do with the quality of the team. Let's go to the highlights!

(Last week's rankings in parentheses)

3-Marlins (1)

Congrats Dave Van Horne 40 years in radio

4-Blue Jays (9)

Like ranking Kriss Angel on most powerful men list

6-Yankees (5)

C.C. + A.J.= SNAFU + S.O.S.

14-Royals (16)

Zack Greinke, Don Drysdale, Orel Hershiser??? Who does not belong?

19-Padres (18)

Pads are like Robin Hood stealing wins from the rich with buddy Friar Suck.

21-Orioles (20)

Zaun struggling for playing time

The Marlins one has nothing to do with the team. The Blue Jays one is dated, creepy and makes no sense. The Yankees one is from a puzzle book for people that don't understand equations or acronyms. The Royals one seems like a question on an entrance exam for old age. The Padres one makes no sense and features a really gratuitous suck. The Orioles one may be my favorite though. GIVE ZAUN SOME PLAYING TIME AND THIS TEAM IS BACK IN THE THICK OF IT.

Griff's Power Rankings are one of my favorite reads of the week. Until I remember that he gets paid for this.


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7 Comments

6-Yankees (5)

C.C. + A.J.= SNAFU + S.O.S. = LOL!

idk my bff Jim Beam

You skipped some real winners.

18-Reds (19)
This team speaks softly (Votto soce) and carries big stick

Translation: Just checked the roster and some dudes name is Votto Also I dont know punctuation

22-Rangers (28)
Rotation needs Chuck Norris - Walker, Texas Ranger

Translation: Get it? Texas Rangers? Walker? ROFLCOPTER!!!

10-White Sox (7)

With Obama and Chavez now BFF Ozzie ready for White House visit

HE'S FRIENDS WITH TERRORISTS!!!

I AM FRIENDS WITH TERRIORISTS........ONE TIME I PLAYIED FETCH WITH A LIL BLACK AND WHITE AND BROWN ONE FOR LIKE 3 HOUR DURING A BBQ AT CHIPPERS HOUSE.......RIGHT CHIPPAH? (THATS MY PRETENT BOSTON ACCENT........HAHVAHD YAHD......HAHHAH....) I THINK THE TERRIORIST BELONGD TO JULIO FRANCOS GRANDDAUGHTER.......RIGHT CHIPPAH?

Yeesh. Bill Plaschke's brother to the North.

You ever try to do a power rankings column and come up with 30 different puns and/or witticisms every single week?

Of course you haven't. It's a stupid idea.

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