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- 12:10, Nats at Marlins: Jackie, get out the broom. It's in the hall closet behind your boots, your parka, your gloves and the snow shovel. The Marlins might need it for it's sweepability, suckas. They've amassed 20 runs in the past 2 games and today they get to face Daniel Cabrera. Cabrera didn't even have to sell his house after leaving Baltimore for DC. His commute is so easy he can just WALK. GET IT? BECAUSE HE HAS THE CONTROL OF 6 YEAR OLD AT A JONAS BROTHERS CONCERT.
- 1:00, 40th Anniversary of Expos Debut: The Montreal Expos Twitter has not been contracted and will in fact be tweeting the play by play of the Expos first game in real time. After that on my Twitter page I'll be recapping the Battle of Little Bighorn.
- 3:05, Braves at Phillies: The Braves rotation is mowing down Phillies hitters like a monkey in a banana factory. The Phillies hitters are getting plowed through like a vagrant in a garbage chute. Javy Vasquez gets his turn for the visiting Bravos and he'll have his dustpan at the ready. Bobby Cox "can't say enough good things" about Vasquez. Have you mentioned that he shines his taint with carnuba wax? That's attention to detail! D-Mac is going to glog this one for you all. I don't even know we do nice things like this for you ingrates. But we do.
- 3:40, Rockies at Snakes: Today Arizona starter Doug Davis takes on an opponent even more sinister than the cancer he beat last year. Franklin Morales. Arizona done got blanked by You Baldo last night, just one day after hitting 5 home runs. How will they fare against Morales today? Well you didn't hear it from me, [whisper]but he's carrying a knife[/whisper]. So bet on stabbings and laughs!