All You Know Shall Cease to Be - The Saturday Morning Post

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old-knives.jpgHoly Crap! So much went on last night, we should start to sort it out because our legends tell of weapons.

Royals 6, Tigers 1: Zack Greinke, sadly, is no longer made of magic. He gave up a run! Who approved that contract extension? I don't care if it was unearned, he's clearly just another product of the endless Royals hype machine. The now alone-in-first Royals jumped out against young Rick Porcello, allowing their new ace to cruise the rest of the way for his second consecutive complete game. 10 strike outs to 1 walk will get you nowhere young man. The Tigers have already begun spiking Porcello's drinks with PCP and administering shock treatment hoping he can rebound from the edges of sanity as well as Greinke. Pity the poor Indians, so much offense continually going for naught. The even-steven Twins didn't walk a single Indian (they're leading the league in BBs, BtB) and made quick work of the struggling Tribe. Justin Morneau totted and notched the ever-popular RBI groundout. Ribbies are for Mcsandwiches friends.

Philies 7, Marlins 3: Hmm, maybe these Marlins aren't what we made of them? One out away from stopping their 3 game losing skid, the Marlins bullpen blowed up good, walking in a run before Shane Victorino and Chase Utley went Tetra Tot/Insult to Injury Tot back-to-back. Make that 4 loses in row for the Fish and Phantic-shaped shadow in their rearview mirror. If Johan Santana's the only good starter you've got, at least you've got one of the best. Santana struck out 10 in only six innings of work, meaning he had a good seat for Frankie Rodriquez's best efforts to blow the thing. The notoriously pious reliever gave up a home run to a guy named Jesus, I can see how he may have been conflicted. The run that eventually decided the game was pushed across by an 8th inning walk of Carlos Delgado, a factoid that has to be worth some kind of shrimp product.

Blue Jays 14, White Sox 0: Worsening! The Toronto Blue Jays started a cast-off middle reliever, followed him up with a another cast off and a failed first pick overall and all they could do was shut out the high powered White Sox offense. Adam Lind's three dubbles and Alexei Ramirez's case of the dropsies turned this match up of first place teams into a laugher. The White Sox official scorer obviously suffers a form of shell shock, having been brow-beaten by Orlando Cabrera all last season. Though only charged with one error, Ramirez kicked, dropped, punted, and passed the Blue Jays countless extra at-bats and chances last night. The Red Sox and Yankees locked horns once again in Boston, with exciting results! Jason Bay improbably took Mo Rivera deep in the ninth inning to set the stage for Kevin Youkilis. A not particularly well-pitched game dragged the dredges of each bullpen to the surface, with Rob's favorite player sending a blast deep into the night and happy drunks spilling into the streets. Boston's now won 8 in a row and are in second place all by themselves.

Giants 5, Snakes 1: It appears safe to say that Tim Lincecum is back. 8 innings pitched, 12 strike outs, 5 hits and only 2 walks. Not to nitpick, but three of the five hits he allowed were doubles and one came off the bat of the opposing pitcher! I'd be worried Giants fans, he's not out of the woods yet. The surprising Padres continued to surprise; surprising the surprisingly not last placed Pirates in extra innings. Surprisingly, Brian Giles delivered the game-winning hit in the 11th inning and I surprisingly won't draw attention to the fact that he's a wife beating douchebag. Whoops.

In other news, the Mariners won again because the Angels are a wreck, the Dodgers won because they're really good (more later!), and the Cards & Cubs played another tight game with the first place Cards coming out on top. The Cubs bullpen is the new Mets bullpen!


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2 Comments

The "worsening" meme is never going to get old, is it?

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