Mariners 3, Angels 2 (10): Scot Shields' poor attempt at fielding a 10th inning sac bunt buried the Angels as Franklin "Goot" Gutierriez scurried home from second with the winning run in the Mariners home opener. Carlos Silva actually pitched damn well in front of a sell-out crowd spurred on to celebration by the dulcet tones of returning star Ken Griffey's 1990s era at-bat tune of "Hip Hop Hooray". Hip hop hooray indeed, Seattlinos.
Orioles 7, Rangers 5 (10): In the evening's second extry innings game, the two teams combined to score as many runs in the tenth inning as they had for the first nine, but the OriLOLs came out on top. Adam Jones' two-run tater tot broke open the game in the top of the tenth, Luke Scott followed with a two-run dubble, and the bend-but-don't-break-too-badly Baltymore bullpen held on despite allowing two runs in the bottom half. Eddie Guardado takes the loss, as is customary for the guy who buries the team by giving up the farm.
Twins 3, Blue Jays (11): In the night's third extra innings game, Minnesoter finally overcame their historically long losing streak at the hands of the Boo Jays as new third baseman Joe Crede dubbled in the winning walkoff run in the 10th. Glen Perkins and Ricky Romero dueled like the young studs they are for eight innings but neither factored into the decision. Jesse Carlson took the loss while Jesse Crain got the win. Jesse Camp, however, is still a douche.
Diamondbacks 7, Cardinals 6 (10): Eric Byrnes put down the microphone and set aside his queer kayak for just long enough to collect the game winning single in the FOURTH FRIGGIN EXTRA INNINGS GAME of the night. After D-Backs closer Chad Qualls screwed the pooch and blew the save by giving up two bases-bloated singles in the ninth, Byrnes drove in Upton for the wiener. To add injury to insult, the Cards lost starter Chris Carpenter with a ribcage ouchie caused by a really unfortunate plate appearance. DON'T SWING SO HARD NEXT TIME YOU NEW HAMPSHIRE BOOB.
Athletics 6, Red Sox 5 (12): In the night's only extra innings game that could have ended with a walkoff walk, Travis Buck ruined the shrimp opportunity by beating out a bases-loaded infield single for the walkoff win. The Sox fall to 2-6 and the excuses by Boston fans are already piling up. Oh the West Coast is a tough place to win games blah blah blah.