Phillies 5, Padres 4: Raul Ibanez' fifth career walkoff tater tot off substitute closer Edwin Moreno made everyone in dull Padre gray long for the dulcet tones of fireman Heath Bell. Bud Black's hands were tied, y'all, because Bell worked three days in a row. Those razor thin margins will ruin your bottom line profits faster than Ryan Howard can leg out a triple. Which, by the way, he totally did in the fourth off Padre starter Josh Geer. Watching Howard chug around the bases is like watching a vending machine topple; slowly at first and then it picks up speed as it crushes a small child with its top-heavy momentum.
Yankees 7, Indians 3: In a game I was s'posed to attend but forced to miss because of sunstroke induced nausea and delusions from the home opener, the Yanks came back from a 3-0 deficit to split the first home series in the history of New Yankee Stadium. Jorge Posada's SUPER controversial two-run ding dong in the seventh off Jensen Lewis won it for New York; the ball seemed to bounce off the top of the right field wall as rightfielder Trevor Crowe reached up with his glove betwixt the outstretched arms of two hooligan fans. No matter, it was ruled a homer after review and Cody Ransom's bases-clearing double that fell in front of a confused Shin Soo-Choo. Open your eyes, Choo!
Red Sox 2, Orioles 1: Good news all around for Red Sox pitchers not named Daisuke. Jon Lester finally had a productive start and Josh Beckett saw his suspension reduced from a statement-making 6 games to a meaningless 5 games. Fella won't miss a start now. This has teeth how? Anyway, Lester finally realized he has to make hay while the sun shines and threw 7 innings of shutout ball. Kevin Youkilis collected a walk, double and run and continued his ritual de lo habitual of putting his barrel-chested body on a bag. Dude's been on base every game this year.
Giants 2, Diamondbacks 0: Randy Johnson and Max Scherzer collaborated on the third 2-0 game of the series, with the Big Unit ending up on the happy side of the equation in the deciding game of the three-game set. Dude took a no-hitter into the seventh inning against his old mates and notched his 296th career win; Scherzer's no chump though despite allowing seven baserunners in just five innings. Six strikeouts, one run, it's all good. Do you know who I would kill to enjoy a simple two-and-a-half hour pitchers duel?
Rangers 6, Royals 5: Michael Young's ninth inning walkoff tater tot off...guess who...Kyle Farnsworth helped the Rangers salvage the final game of their tete-a-tete with K.C. Seriously though...which human being amongst you thought Kyle Farnsworth was a good investment for any team, let alone a Royals team that had holes up and down its roster and minor league system? Dude's already got three losses...the rest of the Royals have two losses combined. Other gentlemen with three losses include Chien-MIng Wang (34.50 ERA) and Dan Haren (1.89 ERA). How is that fair? Pity Danny Haren.