Baseball Before Bedtime: Cold & Wet

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Here's what happened in baseball last night, when we wetted warmth and killed it and in the water hid:

Reds 3, Astros 0: Two things to take away from this contest, one, that Edinson Volquez is a dominating pitcher when facing a bunch of weak-hitting, free-swinging lineup and two, that CF Michael Bourn can be a real asshole when he wants to be. Fella was tracking down a routine fly ball in the sixth inning when he collided with left fielder Carlos Lee. Both gentlemen were calling for the ball. Neither one heard the other, neither one backed off. The ball ended up bouncing back towards the infield and, instead of chasing it down, Bourn simply started pouting and hollering at Lee. GET THE BALL YOU BOOB, JOEY VOTTO IS ALREADY AT SECOND BASE!

Nationals 4, Phillies 1: Brett Myers put eleven Nats on base in his six innings. Something had to give, even with a impotent Warshington offense. More importantly, Scott Olsen and his band of merry relievers held the Phils lineup to just one run on a solo tot by Shane Victorino. Julian Tavarez recorded his first save since 2006, when he was sharing a 19th century rowhouse with Manny Ramirez in Beacon Hill and shopping for green onions at the Greenmarket every Thursday morning.

Royals 11, Blue Jays 3: Zack Greinke finally saw his ERA rise above the 0.00 mark but thanks to an awesome-in-ing offense behind him, he still picked up his league-leading fifth win. He's now the only Royal to ever go 5-0 in April. Billy Butler, who is somehow just 23 years old, clobbered two ding-dongs, and the rest of the Royals combined for nine other extra-base hits. Brian Tallet, you are no Jesse Litsch. I know Jesse Litsch and you are not him.

Twins 8, Rays 3: NICKGASM! Nick Blackburn outshone Scott Kazmir by working out of trouble a couple times during a solid seven innings. Kazmir was not very effective, folks. Fella gave up three extra-base hits and four walks in four innings, leading to eight Twinkies runs. Minnesoter got on the board with four first-inning runs and never looked back. Seriously, they were warned not to look back or their wife would turn to stone.

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Jensen Lewis caused Swine Flu.

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