White Sox 4, Royals 2: The Royals have one of the best relievers in the game in Joakim Soria, aka the Mexicutioner. They also have a decent southpaw reliever in Ron Mahay. So why, pray tell, was Kyle Farnsworth pitching to Lefty Jim Thome with two down and two on in the eighth inning? For comic relief? Farnsworth allowed the would-be game-winning three-run ding-dong (FOUR STRAIGHT HYPHENS! YAHTZEE!) to Thome and Royals manager Trey Hillman is left with his comically large hook untouched in the dugout.
Red Sox 5, Rays 3: Josh Beckett collected ten strikeouts while allowing but two hits over seven innings of work while Dustin Pedroia and Jason Varitek tater-totted. Rays starter James Shields had his fourth loss in four poor career starts at Fenway Park while ex-Red Sock Gabe Kapler received a hearty wilkommen from the Sox fans during introductions. Most exciting of all, Senator Ted Kennedy tossed out the first pitch after being escorted to the mound by newly-elected HOFer Jim Rice. You can't get much more New England than that if you had clam chowder pouring out your ass.
Blue Jays 5, Tigers 4: Rod Barajas had a chance to make us WoWies very happy, but with the bases juiced an the game tied in the bottom of the ninth, he flew out to deep center to score the winning run on a walkoff sac-fly. THATS NOT THE NAME OF OUR BLOG, ROD. Earlier in the top of the ninth, Brandon Inge hit a solo dong to knot the game at four but even earlier, Aaron Hill slammed a three-run tater tot off Brandon Lyon to put the Jays up. If I keep going backwards with this highlight, we'll end up on the Elysian Fields in oboken in 1846 and we'll all be wearing funny pantaloons. There was no booze sold at this game because Jays fans are naughty.
Braves 4, Phillies 0: Our faithful reader and commenter Matt_T was sad that Jair Jurrjens was pitching last night instead of Javy Vasquez, saying he wanted to enjoy watching Javy pitch on Tuesday night instead of being forced to miss his start this afternoon. Well good news, Matt_T. Not only did Jurrjens and the Braves 'pen shut out the vaunted Phillies offense, but that Javy start you so desperately wanted to enjoy will be liveglogged at this here blog today at 3PM! Also, good news for reader and commenter CHIPPER JONES, who slammed a solo tot in last night's game.
Twins 6, Mariners 5: Down by one run, Twins hitter Alexi Casilla lined a bases loaded single to center for the second walkoff of the night in the American League. Former Blue Jay closer and current soprano sax lover Miguel Batista blew the save.
Time 1, Matt Clement 0: The former Padre, ex-Marlin, one-time Cub, and legendary Red Sock pitcher Matt Clement has finally come face to face with his future outside of baseball. After not raising any eyebrows in his spring training stint with the Blue Jays, Clement and his wacky goatee will retire with an 87-86 career record and a league average 4.47 ERA. Hit the bricks, goatee boy.